When you face constant scrutiny with devastating consequences, the anxiety and panic can feel paralyzing.

The family court system is corrupt enough, without adding unethical legal professionals to the mix.

But too often, survivors find themselves facing victimization at the hands of their abuser’s legal team.

It’s absolutely possible to heal from the devastating effects of gaslighting - learn how.

Over the near-decade I was with Seth, his gaslighting tactics truly drained me in so many ways. From losing my ability to trust my own memory to even doubting my competency to complete simple household tasks.

Seth, like most narcissists, is a master gaslighter. He defined my reality for me, and I lost myself, for a while, in the twisted and disempowering reality that he wanted me to live in with him.

It makes sense that children feel confused when narcissistic abuse is present in a family dynamic. If the abuser is actively gaslighting them, it can become even more convoluted and difficult to discern reality. 

Age, maturity level, and whether or not the child has a support network outside of the family system can be factors in how the child processes your decision to leave. 

And sometimes children will feel confused, angry, and resentful for your decision to leave.

If you’re a victim of narcissistic abuse and find yourself on the battlefield of the family court system, feel free to share this open letter with your support team (or create your own).

When you’re struggling to find something to be grateful for, consider this simple lesson.

Many of us can relate to the ups and downs in a romantic relationship with a narcissist.

The deliberate though subtle hits to our self-esteem followed by beautiful words on a card and a bouquet of flowers.

The scathing silent treatment for no obvious reason followed by affection that invites us into a whirlwind of romance.

The sharp, shocking confusion of verbal or physical violence, followed by “vulnerable” admissions of a traumatic past and needing us to help them heal because we are the only ones who “really understand them”.

This common scenario can be terrifying. But you’re not alone.

For years, I lived in terror, trying to protect my daughters from Jason Porter and the rest of my X’s family.

There were days when I felt entirely defeated - sure that my X mother-in-law’s tireless work to spit-shine the family name would prevail over my endless work to protect my daughters.

Let’s discuss the phrase “it takes two to tango” in the context of a high conflict divorce.

Too often, I hear of victim-survivors on the battlefield hearing some variation of the blaming/shaming phrase, “It takes two to tango” - meaning that the high conflict divorce or custody battle is the shared responsibility of both parties. That two conflictual people are perpetuating the cycle of contention and conflict and that if one simply decided to calm down and be reasonable, the divorce or custody battle could be resolved.

Colorado advocates and protective parents join state lawmakers, national organizations, and affected individuals to call for justice in this case and an end to family court judges refusing to follow laws that protect vulnerable children and victims of domestic violence.

You’ll likely experience intense emotions on the battlefield. Learn how to work with them so that you can show up in a healthy way for your children.

If you’re like many survivors of narcissistic abuse, the narcissist manipulated their way into taking charge of the money during your relationship, and now you’re dealing with the many consequences.

Survivors in our community often deal with the ongoing financial abuse, emotional, and legal consequences of their controlling ex-partner’s financial decisions.

If you’ve recently made the courageous decision to separate, many of the narcissist’s day-to-day patterns of abuse, drama, and conflict that kept you mentally and physically occupied have changed, as the narcissist is no longer in constant, physical close proximity to you.

It’s perfectly normal to feel like something is missing, or to feel a deep, aching loneliness. Many survivors note that it isn’t the relationship or the narcissist that they miss - but still, the loneliness persists.

Does your children come home with tangled hair, unbrushed teeth, and untended cuts or scrapes? Sadly, you’re not alone. In the OMB community, many protective parents find themselves at a loss, stuck between taking action or staying silent. One mother explained the dilemma succinctly: “The more I try to get their father to care for our child, the more neglectful and abusive he becomes. He is trying to hurt me by hurting our child.”

A federal lawsuit has been filed on behalf of Gwen and Grace Girard which names the defendants as Village of Glencoe, Illinois, Detective Ryan McEnerney, Maria Paredes, Vanessa Hammer, Hammer Serna & Quinn LLC, Gwenn Waldman, Breanna Traub, Phyllis Amabile, MD, Beerman LLP, John M. D'Arco, James M. Quigley, Enrico J. Mirabelli, Judge William S. Boyd, Judge Renee G. Goldfarb and Kathryn Ciesla.

Many survivors grieve the relationship with their ex in-laws because, just like the relationship with the narcissist, it was beautiful and loving for a time. In hindsight, we know it was never really love.

Alison Chao is not being heard in the family court system so we must amplify her voice.

My Narcissistic Ex Keeps Introducing Our Children to New Partners

Learn how to navigate the uncomfortable and sometimes downright scary dynamic when your ex brings new partners around your children.

My Ex Tells My Kids I’m Keeping Them From Him, What Should I Do?

Learn how to strategically battle the narcissist’s attempts to discredit and undermine

When The Narcissist Misses Visitation With Your Kids

What do you do when your narcissist cancels last-minute or simply doesn’t show up for his (or her) parenting time

Disappointment. Frustration. Self-blame. Sadness.

When your ex cancels or misses last-minute, it’s a good idea to have some tools in your arsenal, to be able to meet your children where they’re at, and help them cope with the difficult emotions they may experience.

Summer Sadness: When Your Kids Are With the Other Parent

Summertime is notoriously difficult for protective parents.

I can still remember the hollow, aching, fearful anxiety in my stomach when I’d hand the girls over to Seth. I am grateful that we did not have extended periods of time without contact like many of you are facing, but any deviation from the normal schedule is difficult.

A quick Google search will take you down rabbit holes and show you how narcissists want to be viewed by others or what patterns you may be able to predict if you are dealing with a narcissistic individual. But here at OMB, we know from experience what narcissistic, high conflict individuals truly crave.