I’m Terrified of My Narcissistic-Ex’s Legal Team - Help!
When you face constant scrutiny with devastating consequences, the anxiety and panic can feel paralyzing.
The family court system is corrupt enough, without adding unethical legal professionals to the mix.
But too often, survivors find themselves facing victimization at the hands of their abuser’s legal team.
If you are experiencing stalking, harassment, bullying, or threats, know that these may be reportable offenses - consult with a trusted attorney to understand your rights.
“Since They Knew So Much About My Private Life in Court, I Don’t Want to Leave My House.”
For some survivors, the aggressive and overwhelming “bulldog” approach of some legal professionals can be triggering and traumatizing.
When victims experience personal attacks in court about their private lives, many feel violated and vulnerable.
Unfortunately, the family court system is an outdated, corrupt, and misogynistic system that often allows triggering and unethical practices to occur without accountability.
Some victims feel paralyzed by fear, as their:
Prescription medication, including antidepressants and anxiety medications have been used against them in court;
Medical diagnoses have been shared without their permission - and used against them;
Family history of abuse, incest, or mental illness have been used against them;
Past relationships have been put on display to humiliate and degrade them.
I’ve Been Humiliated and Traumatized in Court. What Do I Do?
Taking proactive steps to protect your personal information is an important first step if you’re on the battlefield.
Practical steps you can take, include:
Using security cameras around your property. These can be expensive, so check with your local DV agency to see if they are able to loan or help you purchase cameras. There are low cost alternatives but, the quality isn't ideal.
Deactivating or deleting your social media accounts. Often, survivors change their accounts to “private” believing that this is enough to protect their social media activity from the narcissist’s legal team. However, it’s often safer to simply take everything offline during litigation.
Keeping track of threats, stalking, and harassment in a logbook or journal and keeping your attorney apprised of what’s going on - they may advise you to report to law enforcement.
Developing a safety plan with your local DV agency.
Googling your own name, and then requesting any “background verification” sites to take your information down.
Using Radical Acceptance to Experience Freedom
The trauma of the courtroom is real.
The invasion of your privacy is real.
And the insidious cruelty of narcissistic individuals and those who enable this behavior - it’s disgusting.
If you’re experiencing this, please know that you’re not alone.
I highly recommend learning and practicing radical acceptance. In this scenario, radical acceptance means knowing your personal rights to protect yourself and your children, determining how you will involve your own attorney, and then working toward self-care so that you are able to release what you cannot control. Dr. Ramani has great videos on radical acceptance if this is a new concept for you.
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The fine print: I am not qualified to give you (or anyone) legal advice, I recommend consulting with your attorney. Your attorney is your voice and your advocate in the family court system.
About me: My name is Tina Swithin. I am a survivor and I am a mom who "gets it.” While acting as my own attorney, I successfully protected my children in a system that is best described as “inhumane,” I am a blogger, a divorce coach and a fierce advocate for reform in the family court system. You can read more about me here.
