Narcissistic Abuse Taught Me What Love Is NOT

When you’re struggling to find something to be grateful for, consider this simple lesson.

Many of us can relate to the ups and downs in a romantic relationship with a narcissist.

The deliberate though subtle hits to our self-esteem followed by beautiful words on a card and a bouquet of flowers.

The scathing silent treatment for no obvious reason followed by affection that invites us into a whirlwind of romance.

The sharp, shocking confusion of verbal or physical violence, followed by “vulnerable” admissions of a traumatic past and needing us to help them heal because we are the only ones who “really understand them”.

Narcissistic Abuse Taught Me: Love Is NOT a Rollercoaster

I’m grateful that I can say with confidence that narcissistic abuse taught me that love is definitely not a rollercoaster.

Real, authentic love is consistent. Both parties are working to create a haven of safety and security for one another. Healthy communication of feelings, expectations, and the realities of the storms of life are different from narcissistic silent treatment, explosive anger, and passionate making up.

Narcissistic Abuse Taught Me: Love is NOT Traumatizing

I know now that loving relationships do not equal brain trauma. Gaslighting, manipulation, infidelity, financial control, verbal violence, and physical intimidation are NOT normal parts of a healthy relationship.

And yet - it’s so easy to normalize these behaviors in a relationship with a narcissist!

A Life-Changing Lesson Learned from Narcissistic Abuse

One lesson I truly cherish from my experiences as a victim-survivor of narcissistic abuse, is that everyone, everyone has choices. 

Abusers seek to take power from others and diminish others’ rights to choose.

They also take every opportunity to blame others for their own choices, and look as though they “had no other choice” but to abuse, control, and harm other people.

A choice that I had to take hold of, and own, was the decision to care for myself in radical ways. To choose therapy, medical support, and daily self-care practices in order to open myself up to real healing from the effects of the abuse. I have needed to be intentional about my healing journey and it was the best decision I ever made.

What choices can YOU make, today, to help you begin your own healing journey? 

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The fine print: I am not qualified to give you (or anyone) legal advice, I recommend consulting with your attorney. Your attorney is your voice and your advocate in the family court system.

About me: My name is Tina Swithin. I am a survivor and I am a mom who "gets it.” While acting as my own attorney, I successfully protected my children in a system that is best described as “inhumane,”  I am a blogger, a divorce coach and a fierce advocate for reform in the family court system. You can read more about me here.