Dear Supportive Family & Friends:
If you’re a victim of narcissistic abuse and find yourself on the battlefield of the family court system, feel free to share this open letter with your support team (or create your own):
Dear Friends and Family,
Thank you for supporting me, believing me, listening to me, and helping me escape my prison of a marriage (or relationship). Narcissistic abuse is very difficult to identify - especially for victims. I felt ashamed, embarrassed, guilty, and unworthy at times - but your support carried me and continues to carry me.
As I navigate the battlefield of the family court system, I will continue to rely on your compassionate support.
We are in for a long and difficult journey. Many people who are new to this journey experience culture shock when they experience the “battlefield” of the family court system for the first time. It's difficult to believe what is happening in our family court system, it's shocking and shameful.
I’d like to help you prepare as much as possible, by helping you understand what to expect, and asking for your support in specific ways.
What Should You Expect From the Family Court System?
You can expect court professionals to prioritize parental rights over children’s rights. This means that in most cases, kids’ voices don’t matter much at all in the courts. Even when it comes to safety issues, the courts usually don’t take children’s perspectives into consideration.
You can expect court professionals to assume I’m just as culpable as my abusive ex. The judge doesn’t know me from Eve - so they’re going to blame me equally for the high conflict dynamic. They will likely think I’m bitter, punitive, and theatrical. Even when I’m calm, peaceful, and solution-seeking. It’s infuriating, but it’s the reality I face. I am learning to accept that justice and accountability are nowhere to be found in the family court system. You can also expect court professionals to believe my abusive ex’s lies (without proof). And to disbelieve my truths (with proof).
Family & Friends Can Expect This From Protective Parents in the Family Court System
Expect me to follow court orders, even when you think I’m making a mistake. Following court orders is one of the few things in my control right now - so I’m going to do it unless I am absolutely certain that I shouldn’t. I am the person who will decide this - and I will let you know if I want your input, but unless I ask, please don’t offer unsolicited advice in this area. It is already distressing enough.
You can also expect me to do my best to be an emotional anchor for the kids. I am dedicated to practicing self-care and holding healthy boundaries. Inevitably, though, I will have very difficult moments.
Please empower me. Please tell me I’m doing great, and I’m an amazing parent. Please believe in me and believe that everything will be okay - or at least, tell me that it will.
Thank you for being here for me and the kids. It means everything.
Sincerely,
Badass Protective Parents Everywhere
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Divorcing a narcissist? Welcome, you've come to the right place.
The fine print: I am not qualified to give you (or anyone) legal advice, I recommend consulting with your attorney. Your attorney is your voice and your advocate in the family court system.
About me: My name is Tina Swithin. I am a survivor and I am a mom who "gets it.” While acting as my own attorney, I successfully protected my children in a system that is best described as “inhumane,” I am a blogger, a divorce coach and a fierce advocate for reform in the family court system. I divorced a narcissist and I prevailed. You can read more about me here.
