My Ex Keeps Introducing Our Children to New Partners
Learn how to navigate the uncomfortable and sometimes downright scary dynamic when your ex brings new partners around your children.
You already know the unpredictable, irresponsible, and abusive parenting tactics that your narcissistic ex brings to the table.
But what about when they’re introducing your kids to new partners? At best, it’s confusing for kids to meet a revolving door of “daddy’s new friends.” At worst, we may fear for our children’s safety.
Teach Children Boundaries, Self-Advocacy, & Emotional Health
It’s very understandable that so many of us have felt completely powerless in this dynamic. But I want you to know that there are ways to empower yourself and your children.
Help your kids develop healthy boundaries. Saying “No,” walking away, understanding bodily autonomy as a boundary, and knowing how and when to dial 911 are powerful ways your children can boundary themselves in the event of danger. Hopefully, it goes without saying that these things should be taught in general terms and not related to the other parent or the other parent’s new partners. In a perfect world, you are guided by a trusted therapist who specializes in child psychology. Always ask for guidance from your attorney because we know the atmosphere of "alienation" claims in the family court system.
Since you aren’t always there to advocate for your kids, help them learn self-advocacy. What are my needs? How can I get my needs met? If I need to ask for help, who can I ask? Helping kids understand that how to identify and communicate their needs can help them in tricky situations.
Encourage emotional health - invite your kids to journal, engage in therapy, draw, sing, and process the experience of meeting the ex’s new partners if in fact, it is a topic that is bothering them.
I can still remember the worry and dread I felt over the women Seth brought into the girls’ lives. Like with many other things I encountered, I tried to reframe it to the best of my ability. Looking at it through a different lens, it brought me some comfort that Seth would be on his best behavior if someone else was in the picture. I reminded myself how tightly he keeps the mask on when there is a love interest.
There is a wide scale of issues we see when new partners are introduced. Sometimes, the narcissist’s energy is spent on love bombing but other times, the new supply can fan the flames and make things even worse. This is another area where profiling the narcissist is important because the playbook is different depending on who you are up against.
I wish that we had a magic wand that would allow us to shelter and protect our children from these difficult experiences. Obviously, we would've never chosen this life for our kiddos. The more educated (and supported) we are and the more equipped we are to navigate these issues, the better off our children will be. At the end of the day, our goal should be to shelter them from adult issues as much as humanly possible. That is always in their best interest.
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Divorcing a narcissist? Welcome, you've come to the right place.
The fine print: I am not qualified to give you (or anyone) legal advice, I recommend consulting with your attorney. Your attorney is your voice and your advocate in the family court system.
About me: My name is Tina Swithin. I am a survivor and I am a mom who "gets it.” While acting as my own attorney, I successfully protected my children in a system that is best described as “inhumane,” I am a blogger, a divorce coach and a fierce advocate for reform in the family court system. I divorced a narcissist and I prevailed. You can read more about me here.
