My Narcissistic Ex Controlled Our Finances
Can anyone relate? If you’re like many survivors, the narcissist manipulated their way into taking charge of the money during your relationship, and now you’re dealing with the many consequences.
Survivors in our community often deal with the ongoing financial, emotional, and legal consequences of their controlling ex-partner’s financial decisions.
Because abuse is rooted in entitled and controlling thinking, many narcissistic abusers exercise a level of financial abuse over their partner and children, including:
Blocking access to bank accounts and other financial resources.
Allocating an “allowance” to the survivor.
Closely monitoring the survivor’s spending.
Refusing to allow the survivor to purchase necessary items.
Taking the survivor’s income.
Spending gratuitously or going into debt without full disclosure or the survivor’s knowledge or agreement.
Interfering with or jeopardizing job interviews, employment, or career advancement opportunities.
Hiding and lying about bank accounts and other assets or resources.
The Trauma of Financial Abuse
Survivors of financial abuse often experience tremendous anxiety and stress related to their own financial wellbeing.
Many survivors experience:
Self-doubt.
Fear of never “getting out” of the consequences of the abuser’s financial decisions.
Shame for “letting” the abuser control the finances.
Anxiety over credit scores and future impacts of the abuse.
A loss of self-esteem regarding their ability to financially provide and care for themselves and their children.
Financial Abuse Doesn’t End With Divorce
Many folks find solidarity with other survivors in understanding that fear, shame, and a feeling of lost control around finances, even after ending the relationship with the abuser, is not unusual - in fact, financial abuse is a major component of post separation abuse.
This includes:
Blocking access to bank accounts and other financial resources.
Interfering with or jeopardizing job interviews, employment, or career advancement opportunities.
Misusing litigation.
Withholding, mismanaging, or delaying support payments and/or court-ordered reimbursements.
If you’ve experienced financial abuse in your relationship and/or after separation, please know that you are not alone. Our community is chock full of survivors who have experienced this form of control and abuse, but have found strength and validation in their healing process.
Empowerment may not come quickly, but as you keep hoping, believing, and working toward healing, it will come!
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The fine print: I am not qualified to give you (or anyone) legal advice, I recommend consulting with your attorney. Your attorney is your voice and your advocate in the family court system.
About me: My name is Tina Swithin. I am a survivor and I am a mom who "gets it.” While acting as my own attorney, I successfully protected my children in a system that is best described as “inhumane,” I am a blogger, a divorce coach and a fierce advocate for reform in the family court system. You can read more about me here.
