Dealing With Loneliness During Your High Conflict Divorce
“I don’t miss the narcissist. I don’t miss the marriage. But since separating, I feel an ongoing loneliness. How do I cope?”
Feeling lonely after separating from a high conflict, narcissistic individual is completely normal.
The constant highs and lows, love-bombing, and high-intensity drama fills a survivor’s life with stress hormones, mental chaos, and lots of anxiety-filled unknowns.
If you’ve recently made the courageous decision to separate, many of the narcissist’s day-to-day patterns of abuse, drama, and conflict that kept you mentally and physically occupied have changed, as the narcissist is no longer in constant, physical close proximity to you.
It’s perfectly normal to feel like something is missing, or to feel a deep, aching loneliness. Many survivors note that it isn’t the relationship or the narcissist that they miss - but still, the loneliness persists.
Isolation: A Major Source of Loneliness
Narcissistic abusers seek to isolate victims from friends, family, coworkers, and others who would normally have been a healthy part of your life.
If you were isolated from family and friends for months, years, or even decades, understand that rebuilding relationships can take time and effort. Have compassion for yourself as you come out of the isolation.
Building Your Village Post-Separation
Survivors exit an abusive relationship with courage, tenacity, and endurance. But on the flip side, many also feel a lack of self-confidence, self-doubt, and social anxiety as a result of the narcissist’s psychological and emotional abuse.
Often, it’s through baby steps that survivors begin to “re-enter” the world. Online communities, like ours, are a great way to start. I encourage you to join one of our chapters at www.ombchapters.com.
Post-Separation Loneliness Is Temporary - I Promise!
Post-separation loneliness DOES end. With time, healthy self-compassion, a deeper understanding of abuse, and a loving community, your brain, heart, and soul will begin to feel full again.
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The fine print: I am not qualified to give you (or anyone) legal advice, I recommend consulting with your attorney. Your attorney is your voice and your advocate in the family court system.
About me: My name is Tina Swithin. I am a survivor and I am a mom who "gets it.” While acting as my own attorney, I successfully protected my children in a system that is best described as “inhumane,” I am a blogger, a divorce coach and a fierce advocate for reform in the family court system. You can read more about me here.
