When Your High Conflict Custody Court Date Looms Right Before Christmas
Do you have an important court date coming up in the days or weeks before Hanukkah or Christmas? Here’s what you need to know.
When you’re giving parenting your all, but feel overwhelmed and distracted by the preparation for court, heavy parenting guilt can hit hard. Especially during the holidays.
Many protective parents face looming court dates close to the holidays, and struggle with time management, the ability to be present with their kids, and finding any level of peace or joy due to stress and the heavy workload of preparing legal documents.
Divorcing a Narcissist During the Holidays? Compartmentalize.
In order to maximize your ability to present with your children, it’s important to compartmentalize. Compartmentalization is not denial, it’s the ability to put important things in a mental box in order to focus on what is before you in the present moment.
Here are some practical tips:
Physically circle the dates on your calendar that you will focus on divorce/custody preparation;
Schedule days and times to check messages from the narcissist so that you aren’t constantly triggered by abusive messages, around the clock;
Make physical lists of court prep to-do - and review it only on dates that you’ve put aside for court preparation;
Establish mantras or affirmations to help you stay present when you’re “off” divorce/custody preparation.
Rely On Your Support Network As You Prepare For Court
One of the frustrating aspects of preparing for court is that so many tasks fall on the survivor. And it can be more work to try to delegate them out to your support people, rather than just completing them yourself.
This is where it’s important to rely on your support network to help in other ways, so that your workload can be somewhat reduced.
You can ask family and friends to help you with:
Giving rides;
Taking kids Christmas shopping;
Simple tasks like cleaning, grocery shopping, and scheduling appointments.
Your friends and family can’t do your documentation for you, but they can take some tasks off your plate.
Practice Mindfulness & Grounding Techniques
In order to be present with your kids during this memorable time of the year, it can be helpful to develop mindfulness and grounding techniques to help you manage triggers and keep your thoughts focused on the present.
When you feel your mind wander to the narcissist and the upcoming court dates, you can use these techniques to settle your mind and body and come back to the present.
Joy May be Scarce This Year, But Hold Onto Hope
If you, like so many survivors, are doing all you can to be there for your children, but feel the heaviness of the battlefield, know that it’s okay.
Your presence is a gift - even if you’re sad, scared, and exhausted.
Joy may be scarce this year, but hold onto hope that in years to come, your family will have an abundance of peace and joy.
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The fine print: I am not qualified to give you (or anyone) legal advice, I recommend consulting with your attorney. Your attorney is your voice and your advocate in the family court system.
About me: My name is Tina Swithin. I am a survivor and I am a mom who "gets it.” While acting as my own attorney, I successfully protected my children in a system that is best described as “inhumane,” I am a blogger, a divorce coach and a fierce advocate for reform in the family court system. You can read more about me here.
