Divorcing a Narcissist? What You Need to Know
The battlefield of divorce is hard enough - but when you’re divorcing a narcissist? You need all the armor you can get your hands on.
One lesson I quickly learned is that the only thing harder than being married to a narcissist, is divorcing one. Which isn’t to say that you should stay married. No. Just NO! I can attest to the life-saving nature of a divorce when you’re married to a high-conflict individual.
Divorcing a Narcissist Requires Intense Preparation
I can also attest to the truth that preparation is key.
As you prepare for your divorce, I recommend learning everything you can about narcissism, the family court system, and what happens when they intersect. Here at OMB, we sit at the intersection of narcissism & family court.
If you are new to this journey, and feel as though you've been hit by a freight train… you may be wondering which end is up. Things often feel overwhelming and very foggy, especially if you are just coming out of the relationship or, if you are still in a relationship with the narcissist.
If this is you, my online course, Divorcing a Narcissist 101, covers everything you need to know including:
NPD 101 (knowing your opponent)
NPD traits that contribute to high-conflict divorce
Hiring an attorney
Building your team
Strategy versus emotion
Family court 101 (learning the system)
Organization
Standing firm in your truth
Communication
Combating alienation claims
Custody evaluations
What I’d Tell Myself at the Beginning of My Divorce
If I could teleport back to 2009 and find the younger version of myself…when I was just starting the process of divorcing a narcissist and could barely function because of the trauma, this is what I’d say:
“Learn everything. Dive into all the information available. Tap into every resource. Knowledge is power. The more you learn, the more equipped you are to protect yourself and your children. Breathe. Try to be present. This will eventually pass, and everything will be okay.”
The message to you is the same. Stay strong. Learn as much as you can. Breathe. Try to be present - your children are dependent on you being present and engaged. The narcissistic individual has already robbed you of so much, don't let them rob you of memories with your children. It's so easy to get caught up in this battle, sometimes we need to pause and simply be present with our kids. Sometimes that is the best way to refill our tanks, creating new memories with our kiddos.
PS Enroll in my online course, Divorcing a Narcissist 101, for immediate access.
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The fine print: I am not qualified to give you (or anyone) legal advice, I recommend consulting with your attorney. Your attorney is your voice and your advocate in the family court system.
About me: My name is Tina Swithin. I am a survivor and I am a mom who "gets it.” While acting as my own attorney, I successfully protected my children in a system that is best described as “inhumane,” I am a blogger, a divorce coach and a fierce advocate for reform in the family court system. You can read more about me here.
