One Mom’s Battle: 11 Year Anniversary
A few months ago, I was on a group Zoom call with Ana Estevez, fierce advocate for family court reform and mother to Piqui. Piqui was murdered by his father in 2017 - despite Ana’s pleas to the Family Court to protect him. On our advocacy call, Ana asked everyone to introduce themselves by sharing their own personal “why.” It was so powerful to hear the “why” behind each person’s advocacy journey.
Today is the 11-year anniversary of me starting One Mom’s Battle. My “why” back in 2011 versus now has changed now that my personal battle has reached its end.
2011: On September 15, I casually looked over at Glenn, my boyfriend at the time and now my husband, and I said to him: “I think I’m going to start a blog.” By the end of the day, I had the domain name that represented how I was feeling in that moment: www.onemomsbattle.com.
My “why” in that moment was absolute desperation. I had been in the family court system for a full two years by that point and while I am optimistic by nature, the hopelessness was beginning to feel all consuming. Nothing made sense and my children were being placed in danger time and time again. Logic seemed to escape family court professionals, if it had ever been part of the equation in the first place.
Just one month prior to starting the blog, my case had taken a turn that terrified me. The majority of my custody battle had been dedicated to protecting my children from my ex-husband’s toxic family members, namely his older brother…Jason Robert Porter. How am I able to say his name now, well because all of my fears about him back then were validated in a way that no mother ever wants to receive validation: in 2016, he was caught in the act of molesting a child, arrested and in 2021 he was sentenced to over 280 years in prison. There are dozens and dozens of victims- the youngest being a one-year-old little girl. Testimony during his criminal case caused grown adults to flee the courtroom crying. All along, I knew he was evil, yet no one would hear by battlecry. My concerns were ignored (pointing at you, Ed Somogyi and Noella de la Torre - minor’s counsel and child custody evaluator).
Eleven years ago today, I started my blog so that my friends and family could follow along. I was so tired of retelling the stories and reliving the failures of the system after each and every disappointing court date. Well-meaning friends and family members continued to give me advice that left me feeling further isolated and even more frustrated. Their advice was coming from a place of common sense, and I was facing a system that prioritized my ex-husband’s parenting time over my daughters’ safety.
There were some days that I would wake up and reread the blog entry from the night before, had that really happened? Would the same professionals who forced my children into unsafe situations allow their own child to go with this individual, I often wondered? At one juncture, my judge made a comment along the lines of, “you chose to have children with this person, you can’t expect me to fix your problems.” It was in that moment that I was forced to radically accept that there was nothing in my children's best interest about this system.
Writing in my blog allowed me to purge the chaos and insanity that I was navigating. It became the journal that those closest to me were reading. I had bravely left a relationship in which I experienced gaslighting and I walked into a system that excelled at gaslighting. The fog from domestic violence was still thick and I was met with a new form of abuse, post separation abuse and institutional betrayal.
13 years after my journey started and 11 years from the day I started my blog, I am in a new chapter where I’m continuing to unpack and heal from the abuse that I suffered at the hands of a system that was supposed to protect me, a system that was supposed to protect my children but instead, it failed us miserably. I wish that I could stand here today and say that my story was the exception but the sad reality is, we have an international crisis in the family court system. Not only is this happening to thousands and thousands of people around the world, we are considered to be the lucky ones - that in itself speaks volumes about the brokenness of this system.
Every single professional who prioritizes parental rights over child safety and well-being, shame on you. Shame on you!
My “why” today is different than it was 11 years ago when I started One Mom’s Battle. My children are now safe but every single day, child safety is not the top priority for family court professionals. Every single day, children are being treated like property and divided in half like one would split a retirement account. Children are not given a voice and they are placed in abusive situations with no regard for their well-being. It is estimated that tens of thousands of children are sent into abusive situations each and every year by family court professionals and, countless children have been murdered as a result of family court failures. These are situations where judicial officers and other professionals were warned of safety dangers yet ignored those warnings, prioritizing parental rights over the best interest of child.
Today, my “why” involves children who are presently being abused, and children who have been failed in the most horrific ways.
I believe it is time we hold these professionals accountable. We have recently launched a campaign ( #TellUsAbout ) where we feature family court professionals who have hit our radar for a variety of reasons. Whenever we hear about a negative experience with a family court professional, we question whether this is a one-time occurrence or if others have had similar experiences.
When one person makes a formal complaint about a professional, it rarely makes a dent. When multiple people with the same story come together to make a complaint or to shine a spotlight on unprofessional conduct, it can have a huge impact. For this reason, we have created a database to start collecting information.
If we find that three people (or thirty people) have had the same type of experience with one family court professional, we will reach out to each individually and ask permission to connect all parties. From there, we encourage people to meet, compare notes and consider taking action together- whether it is a formal complaint or a media spotlight. There is power in numbers.
If you would like to tell us your experience with the professional mentioned here or, another family court professional who has not acted in the best interest of your children, we encourage you to go to www.intheirbestinterest.com and click the blue “submit“ button.
If you are reading this: you and your children are my present day “why.”
