Family Court: What is in their best interest?

When it comes to family court, what is truly “in the best interest” of children? I believe answering that question begins with listening to those at the heart of the issue: the children, the teenagers and the young adults.

"I am not an object passed from house to house. I am not just a topic of discussion in court. I am a human. A human who is having a really hard time and needs something to change," 14 year-old Gabby wrote in an email that was sent to her mom's lawyer.

Gabby shared her story with us and has given us permission to share it with others:

”I had spent nights, over the years, in my bedroom at my dad's house crying and typing away, desperate for someone to help me, to save me. I didn't know that I was being abused. But, I knew that something was wrong. And silly me, I thought the family court would rescue me.

I wasn't allowed to have a cellphone. He didn't want us talking to our mom. So, we talked to her in whispers on the landline. Often times my dad would loom over me, listing to my conversation while seething with anger.

One day the phone was gone. Little did I know a court document stated that "Children use the phone to divide the parties. It's disruptive. They take advantage of the situation like, for example, dad just said that I wasn't allowed to eat a Hershey bar before dinner, or dad just said I can't watch tv all night, or mom just said that I can't use the computer. I mean, children end up dividing parents. These parents seem to be at each others throats enough without the children further dividing them."

I don't recall ever complaining about not having access to a chocolate bar on that phone. The court blamed and shamed me - instead of holding the adult in front of them accountable for his own actions.

So, no one came for me when he hid the phone and cut off our contact to the outside world. No one came for me when, in the middle of the night, I woke to him digging through my backpack. I didn't know that my homework would be used as evidence against me. No one came to save me when he threw a fit over me taking my own clothes back to her house. No one came to save me when he sent the police to her house, where she was told she would be arrested if she continued to contact us. No one came for me when he was big and scary, yelling in my face.

I didn't know that I would have to be the one to save myself from his manipulation, threats, fear, control, and from having to' 'walk on egg shells'. From his emotional, financial, and psychological abuse. No one came to save me as he hurt me while blaming me, a child, for our lack of relationship.

No one came to save me. So, I saved myself.”

Gabby delivered absolutely heartbreaking words that so many children around the country can relate to: “No one came to save me. So, I saved myself.”

To the children or teenagers who may be reading this, please know that we are trying. As the safe parent or the preferred parent, our hands are often tied by this system. They will often silence us, but they cannot silence you. They may take your phone and attempt to minimize your fears and gaslight you - but we see you, we hear you and we believe you. Your voice matters - and we will amplify your words whenever we are able. #TheChildrenAreComing