Exposing the Fraud Behind Reunification Therapy: How to Avoid it or Escape it (Part 3 of 3)
Over the past month, we have been granted a rare, behind-the-scenes look at the fraudulent world of reunification therapy—through the eyes of an industry insider. In Part One, Exposing the Fraud Behind Reunification Therapy, we uncovered how these so-called "therapists" prey on vulnerable families, turning custody disputes into lucrative revenue streams. In Part Two, How Families Are Profiled and Exploited, we delved deeper into the disturbing tactics used to manipulate, coerce, and financially drain parents under the guise of reunification.
Now, in Part Three, we shift from exposure to action. We will explore how to identify the warning signs, avoid falling into the trap, and most importantly, how to break free from this system designed to keep families ensnared.
Disclaimer: The information shared in this blog post is for educational and informational purposes only and should not be considered legal advice. Every family court case is unique. Please consult with your attorney before making any decisions that could impact your case or legal strategy.
Guest Blog
As a reunification therapist and mental health professional with over 20 years of experience, I feel an ethical obligation to warn the public, legal professionals, and judges about the fraud behind reunification therapy and the devastating psychological damage it causes to children and the financial bankruptcy of their families. Reunification therapy has been widely criticized for its lack of scientific basis, ethical concerns, and its use as a tool to extract money from desperate and vulnerable families. In this post, we will explore the manipulative tactics used to coerce parents—usually mothers—into consenting to reunification therapy, often under false pretenses and the questions/strategies that have helped parents to escape it.
The False Promises and Coercive Tactics Used to Gain Consent
Reunification therapy is often presented to parents, particularly mothers alleging domestic violence or child abuse, as a harmless family therapy intervention. Parents are told that it's a simple, short-term process designed to help families reconnect or help children get to know an estranged parent. They are reassured that it’s not a big deal and that they should "try it for the sake of the kids" or that it will improve family dynamics.
Once parents consent to reunification therapy under these misleading premises, they believe they can withdraw consent if it doesn't work out. However, that is far from the reality. Once consent is given, it becomes part of a court order, and the power is immediately transferred to the reunification therapist. This therapist now holds the authority to make decisions about the family’s schedule, often mandating multiple therapy sessions that interfere with the children’s education, extracurricular activities, and even vacations. Refusal to participate is met with threats of contempt fines or the possibility that the children will be given to the other parent for full custody.
The "Consent or Else" Strategy
Another common strategy used to manipulate parents, particularly mothers, into consenting to reunification therapy, is the threat that if they do not consent, the judge will order it anyway, making the situation worse. This is a false claim. In reality, once a parent consents, the situation becomes far more difficult to undo, and they may find themselves trapped in a damaging process with no clear way to escape and the fact that it was an order on consent will be weaponized against them. Also of note, ultimately it is the reunification therapist who writes the judges’ draft orders and they do not care if was based on consent or not, the orders are exactly the same.
The Slow, Manipulative Path to Control
Here’s the typical sequence of events that leads to a court-ordered reunification therapy session:
Domestic Violence and Child Abuse Allegations: The process often starts with allegations of domestic violence or child abuse—usually made by the mother and the child.
DARVO Strategy: The accused parent (often the father) may retaliate with the DARVO strategy (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender), accusing the mother of parental alienation, thus deflecting attention away from their own behavior.
The Involvement of Reunification Therapists: Reunification therapists are often brought in as part of the parental alienation narrative. These therapists then position themselves to control the situation and profit from the increasing legal complexity of the case.
The Court Order: Once a judge orders reunification therapy, the therapist will have significant control over the family’s life, and the parents will be forced to sign contracts that restrict their ability to question or resist anything the therapist does.
Large Retainers and Fees: The therapist typically demands a hefty retainer, sometimes as high as $10,000, which is enforced by the court. The therapist then converts their services into a court order on consent, solidifying their role as a controlling force in the family’s life.
Creating a Cycle of Control: The reunification therapist then writes drafts of court orders for the judge and forces the family to follow these orders, regardless of how absurd or detrimental they are. The therapist becomes the most powerful figure in the family court system, with the authority to threaten contempt, impose fines, and even recommend that one parent loses custody.
Financial Exploitation: In some cases, the reunification therapist continues to add therapists to the case, each backing up the allegations of parental alienation, and keeping the family trapped in the cycle of therapy, thereby ensuring that the money keeps flowing.
Protecting Yourself and Your Family and Strategies to Make the RT Want to Free You and Your Children
If you find yourself coerced into reunification therapy or are already undergoing it, there are steps you can take to protect yourself and your children and to put some discomfort and fear into the RT of losing or damaging their license:
Fight Back from the Start: Mothers who resist reunification therapy early on tend to have a higher chance of avoiding it altogether. Don’t accept the narrative that reunification therapy is the only option.
Scrutinize the Contract: If you are pressured into signing a reunification therapist’s contract, make sure you go through it with a fine-tooth comb. Cross out and initial any provisions you don’t agree with, especially clauses that do not respect your rights or your children’s well-being. Ensure that the therapy is listed as psychotherapy in writing, which will require the therapist to be held accountable by regulatory bodies.
Limit the Therapist’s Power: Insist that your consent is required before any of your or your children’s records are shared with other professionals. Request to record all sessions to ensure accountability. If this request is denied, check the laws in your jurisdiction to determine if you have the legal right to record.
Regulate the Therapy: Make sure that the therapy is regulated by a recognized professional licensing body and that the therapist must adhere to a standard of care by ensuring it’s listed as psychotherapy in the contract. If the therapist refuses to comply, take this issue to court.
Keep Documentation: File complaints against the reunification therapist with their regulatory body, start asking tough questions, and document everything. Having third parties document the psychological distress caused by the therapy is key to holding the therapist accountable.
Questions to Ask the Reunification Therapist to Make Them Aware that You Are Aware of the Fraud Going On (These have worked to end RT for some parents)
Is this reunification therapy considered psychotherapy, an intervention, life coaching, psych-educational, a process?
Is this service regulated by the regulatory body for social workers/psychologists/psychotherapists? If there is unethical or unprofessional conduct, who do I complain to?
What issue is being treated, and what is the diagnosis? Who Is being diagnosed? If there is no diagnosis, why are you recommending this reunification service?
What is the standard of practice or care for reunification therapy, and who regulates it?
What are your qualifications to provide reunification therapy? Are you considered an expert in this area?
Can you provide written documentation of the standard of practice or care for reunification therapy?
If there is no standard of practice or care, how can I know that your reunification plan is going to be successful and how do I know it’s safe for children?
The Bottom Line
Unregulated Therapy: Reunification therapy is entirely unregulated. There are no official standards of practice or care that govern its use.
Not Classified as Psychotherapy: Reunification therapy is not considered psychotherapy and does not fall under any recognized therapeutic category.
No Established Guidelines: There are no standardized or officially approved guidelines for how reunification therapy should be conducted. The process can be shaped by the therapist’s personal preferences without any oversight.
Lack of Oversight and Accountability: There is no oversight or accountability for reunification therapists. They are free to operate with no external monitoring to ensure ethical practices or quality of care.
No Educational or Accreditation Requirements: Anyone can call themselves a reunification therapist, as there are no educational or accreditation requirements for the role.
Professional Licenses Are Meaningless: While reunification therapists may hold professional licenses (e.g., social worker or psychologist), these licenses do not apply to the unregulated practice of reunification therapy. The regulatory bodies do not recognize reunification therapy as a valid intervention or service within their scope of practice.
Lack of Evidence and Safety Concerns: Reunification therapy is not evidence-based and is considered experimental. There is no reliable evidence to support that it is safe or beneficial for children or families. In fact, anecdotal evidence has proven that it causes much more harm than good, with many families reporting increased distress, trauma, and psychological damage as a result of the therapy.
An Oregon mother, Jen Betz, Asked the Therapist Key Questions that Ended the Custody Reversal and Reunification Therapy
Quote from Jen Betz:
“I stopped playing the game. There was no end in sight with parental alienation therapy, it goes on until the children age out. My lawyer’s advice was you go along to get along, you put your head down and you don't rock the boat and you don't upset the judge. Well, I was done with that. So I got a hold of the board in Oregon of psychologists, I asked them what their stance was on parental alienation and they do not acknowledge it. So I went to my last session with Michael [therapist] after and I confronted him in saying if your board does not recognize this is a therapeutic process how are you going to treat me and this family in a successful way, what is your standard of care, tell me what that is, and he couldn't. So that was my last session. Weeks later my girls returned to my care. They just miraculously came home. If I was so abusive, if they want to criminalize parental alienation, and they said I’m the abusive parent and have me removed, how were my kids just removed and then brought back to me within weeks of him [the therapist] being taken off the case?”
Conclusion
Reunification therapy is a tool for exploiting vulnerable families, making money off false allegations of parental alienation, and holding families hostage for financial gain. The therapy is unregulated, unscientific, and often causes more harm than good. It is essential that parents, especially mothers, be aware of the manipulative tactics used to coerce them into these therapies, and take proactive steps to protect themselves and their children from further harm.
