3 Concepts You Must Know When Communicating With a Narcissist
When attempting co parenting with a narcissist, strategic communication is a lifesaver (literally).
I was at the end of my rope.
I’d tried everything and then some.
Negotiation. Compromise. Stating the facts. Providing him with lists and bullet points. And then, all of these things on repeat to the point of exhaustion. It was a cycle that was threatening to destroy me.
Nothing worked. Communicating with my ex-husband only made everything worse.
Court professionals saw me as “part of the problem” and my stress and anxiety was off the charts.
If you’re here, I’m sure you can relate.
Learning Strategic Communication: A Game-Changer
It took SO much practice, patience, and perseverance, but eventually I began to understand what kind of communication court professionals were looking for - and what kind of messages were most diffusive for my ex. My “a-ha moments” when it came to communication with a toxic individual were a result of trial and error (pun intended) and lots of time spent sitting in the court room and studying family court cases.
Here are three basic but essential concepts you need to know if you’re in a high-conflict custody battle with a narcissist.
Strategy > Emotion
You can always count on a narcissistic individual to try to elicit an emotional response from you. When you respond to their message with defensiveness, you automatically look like you’re part of the problem.
Work toward expressing your emotions to the safe, supportive people in your life and keep your communication as emotion-free as possible when it comes to the narcissist.
2. Use Yellow Rock When Communicating With the Narcissist
Remember Yellow Rock vs. Gray Rock? This is a prime opportunity to perfect your “Yellow Rock” skills. Try “Yellow Rocking” your ex by:
Adding a friendly greeting and salutation to your message;
Avoiding an accusatory tone;
Including a warm-ish tone, rather than the cold “gray” tone of Gray Rock.
3. Don’t Take the Bait (That’s What the Narcissist Wants)
Whether they’re subtly attacking your parenting style, making jabs about how you spend money, or refusing to make good on their end of the court order, you can bet that the narcissist is going to send some inflammatory, triggering messages that will contribute to your stress and anxiety levels.
As you practice radical acceptance, you will be better equipped to expect the triggers - but remember, no matter where you’re at in processing the narcissist’s traumatic behavior, you never have to take the bait and respond in a counterproductive way to their messages.
Instead, stick to the main points of the messages. If the message is about a doctor’s appointment, but includes insults about the childrens’ shoes looking shabby because you’re an irresponsible parent, keep your response to the point. Respond about the doctor’s appointment.
Most Protective Parents Need Extra Help Communicating With The Narcissist
Learning strategic communication is a process. If you need extra help, enroll in my strategic communication workshop and get immediate access to this important course. I want you to have every opportunity to be successful in your child custody battle.
