Narcissistic Abuse: Holiday Survival Guide
The Narcissist and Holidays: deck the halls with sheer insanity, ruthless attacks and escalated and unwarranted conflict.
For many, this is the season of JOY, LOVE and GRATITUDE. Christmas movies are playing, smells of warm cider fill the air and people are filled with cheer (well, those who aren’t dealing with toxicity anyway!) and everyone is celebrating.
Why do narcissists spiral during the holidays?
Because on their very best day:
- They can’t feel joy the way can.
- They cannot feel love in the same way thatwe can.
- They will never (and have never) experienceda true connection to another human being.
- They live in darkness and cannot experience the lightthat the rest of us are able to bask in.
- They aren’t capable of being selfless whichis often a given during the holidays for many of us.
- They don’t like sharing the spotlight andthey hate when they are not the center of attention.
What a sad, pathetic life. Can you imagine if that list described you?
The OMB Holiday Survival Guide:
RADICAL ACCEPTANCE: Practice radical acceptance. Is it fair? No. Is this our reality? Yes. It does no good to shake our fist at the sky, yelling about how unfair life is. Would I have chosen a different path, absolutely? Whether I like it or not, this is my path and I will tackle it in a forward motion versus being paralyzed, or going backwards.
MANAGING EXPECTATIONS: Manage your expectations around the toxic people in your life. If you are expecting a 40-year old, personality disordered adult to suddenly change their ways and start singing, “Deck the Halls,” then YOU are setting yourself up for disappointment and failure. Outside of a lobotomy, shock therapy, or a miracle at the hands of Jesus himself, nothing is going to change this person. The thing that may need to change is your expectations of this person or situation.
COMPARTMENTALIZE: Learning to compartmentalize is critical to your emotional and mental well-being. It’s also important for your physical health (read, “The Body Keeps Score” if you aren’t following me) as well. YOU have control over your mind – specifically, when you are going to worry, or if you are going to be consumed by this topic. I was triggered last week by my ex-MIL and in the past, this experience would have derailed me for days. I was triggered, I was “off” for much of the afternoon and then, I took my power back. I refused to let it spill into the next day. When I say “compartmentalize,” this does not mean denial. I still work on the items that I compartmentalize in therapy – but I am in control of when I go to therapy and take that box down off the shelf. There is a saying, “Not today, Satan.” That can be applied here as well, “Not today, Narcissist. Not today. I’ve got joy to find, connections to make and light to bask in.”
BOUNDARIES: “No,” is a complete sentence and when dealing with NPD family members, use it like its going out of style. When it comes to the NPD ex and there are children involved, “yellow rock” your boundaries at every opportunity. Most people who have been targeted by a narcissist struggle with boundaries so I imagine that you are a work in progress and that is okay! Have you downloaded OMB’s canned responses? These can be very helpful when struggling with boundaries.
KNOW YOUR TRUTH: Let me repeat this: know your truth. This is probably the most important. Know your truth left and right, backwards and forwards and top to bottom. You will be less likely to be “rocked” or affected by the narcissist when you’ve absorbed your truth to your very core. I will break it down for you: The sky IS blue. You ARE amazing.
Happy Holidays! Love,Tina
PS If you are interested in going deeper on topics like this and so much more, be sure to join me in January for 12-Months with Tina. These are the things we will be taking about, reflecting on and, discussing in a group forum. It’s all online and there are still spaces available! Sign up today!