#MyFamilyCourtStory: Groomed
Groomed by a MONSTER is the only way to describe my story.
As a young girl, age 12, a man three times my age (36) was a father-figure, but he did everything a father figure should not do.
This man was married -his daughter was my best friend.
This is how he was able to do what he did.
This is where the grooming began.
Pushing time forward; I married this man at the age of 20 and had two little girls with him.
15 years into our marriage my husband and I had our first (ever) fight. This ultimately ended our marriage. He had become violent. I received a protective order.
I started counseling immediately.
My oldest daughter turning 11 became a trigger for me (according to my therapist) - of what had happened to me at that age.
One year into our separation, things started coming out in my counseling sessions that changed my entire life. The truth started to come alive as I emerged from the fog; this man had molested me, raped me, and abused me emotionally and psychologically.
This man groomed me into everything he wanted a wife to be. Coming from a broken home, I was the perfect victim. With every detail of my life, he would tell me what, who, how, where, and when. He had the ultimate control over me.
He isolated me from family and chose the friends I could and couldn’t have.
The trauma has left me in a state of sheer survival. My daughters and I had to leave our home to relocate in another state just to feel any kind of relief from his consistent stalking and harassment. Even after the divorce was finalized, the harassment and stalking continued.
Currently, he is trying to use mental health against me, twisting everything to fit his narrative. He threatens to fight me for custody, stating that I’m an unfit mother. He repeatedly states that our daughter’s lives are in danger, he continues to make these statements, leaving me wondering what danger he is referring to. Is it a veiled threat?
He continues to involve them in adult matters despite my efforts to shield them. He has been admonished for this by the court, attorneys and their therapist. The girls have been in counseling for two years, and the things disclosed in counseling became my worst nightmare. There’s nothing worse than being abused and then having your abuser try to convince you it never happened. He gaslights us and he knows exactly what he is doing. This leaves me feeling crazy.
My husband’s best friend of 35 years has been pulled into this nightmare, and in retaliation my ex-husband has completely destroyed his life because he would not lie for him in court. Because of his behavior, many family members and friends stay away because they are afraid of what he will do.
I feel so helpless. I continue to get messages from him, letting me know that I am going to pay for what I have done. I live in fear of what he is capable of doing. He reminds us that he is always watching and waiting.
I am asking for help and guidance. What can we do? Where can we go?
Life seems to be frozen; waiting to see what he will do next.
No one will help me and my girls. We have been turned down or turned away from the police, court and CPS.
Even with hard evidence, I’m told his threats don’t seem to be direct or of concern. I’ve been told he is “just looking to harass.”
We are trying our best to move on but he sends messages to all three of us none stop.
I live in fear daily. My girls are scared.
