My Narcissistic Abuser Keeps Telling Everyone I Just Want “Attention”

Here’s the reality about the “attention” that survivors apparently want so badly.

A quick and effective “shut-up” method used by abusers is to smear the survivor by saying that they are speaking up because they “just want attention”.

What Kind of Attention Do Survivors of Abuse Want?

Usually, survivors just want to be left alone in peace.

But when survivors DO want attention, what kind of attention do they want?

Often, it’s media attention to draw eyes to their case in an effort to protect themselves and their children. When the public’s eyes are on your case, you have a greater sense of security and protection. 

Survivors Don’t Make the Decision to “Seek Attention” Lightly

Seeking protection through cries for media and public attention comes at a massive cost. 

And survivors know this.

The moment that the public and/or media become aware of a case involving alleged abuse, the survivor is likely to experience horrific smear campaigns, public scrutiny, humiliation, and often harassment.

So why would a survivor make such a choice?

Survivors Only Seek Attention When They Have No Other Choice

Most survivors try to seek safety as quietly and inconspicuously as possible. But when there is no other choice, they start yelling for help - fully knowing that doing so will be a traumatizing, humiliating experience. But what else can they do? Nothing to this point has stopped the abuse. In fact, they may feel so endangered and afraid that public humiliation, libel, and cyber bullying are small potatoes compared to the all-encompassing fear they are currently experiencing.

If you’ve been called out for being an attention-seeker as you work toward safety with your children, know that you’re not alone. This is an age-old attack and while it still seems to garner public sympathy for abusers, those who have experienced domestic violence and coercive control stand with survivors. 

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The fine print: I am not qualified to give you (or anyone) legal advice, I recommend consulting with your attorney. Your attorney is your voice and your advocate in the family court system.

About me: My name is Tina Swithin. I am a survivor and I am a mom who "gets it.” While acting as my own attorney, I successfully protected my children in a system that is best described as “inhumane,”  I am a blogger, a divorce coach and a fierce advocate for reform in the family court system. You can read more about me here.