In Heidi's Honor
This has been a difficult week for our One Mom's Battle (OMB) family. We lost one of our members in a tragic, senseless murder.
Heidi De Leon first contacted OMB in 2016, feeling failed by the system like so many of us. On December 27, 2018, she sent me a chilling email – a journal entry from her daughter. According to the entry, Heidi’s ex-husband, Edward Epps, Jr., had threatened to kill Heidi and her husband Joe, if Heidi’s recent child support modification request was successful. Heidi took the threat seriously -- as she had always done. She notified law enforcement and was finally successful in obtaining a restraining order. Sadly, she had asked for a restraining order twice in the past and was failed by the system. On January 6, 2019, less than two weeks after discovering the threat against her life, her ex-husband followed through with his chilling threat and murdered Joe and Heidi De Leon while holding two children hostage and finally, taking his own life.
The man capable of this brutal murder had received 50/50custody despite Heidi’s pleas to the court to protect her little girls. In anemail Heidi sent me in 2018, she said, “I tried getting full custody but hemuddled the waters so bad nobody knew what was true. My kids were constantlytelling me he was telling them to break things and to kill me.”
In a system that is so overly-focused on a parent's right to 50/50 custody, Heidi was failed by the Idaho family court system. Heidi’s children were failed. Lives are now reduced to media reports and press conferences but who is being help accountable? Who is the Judge who didn’t take the time to investigate Heidi’s claims about the danger posed by Edward Epps, Jr.? Why isn’t the media blasting the Judge and other professionals who now have blood on their hands? Heidi's concerns were credible but no one listened.
Heidi’s reality is my worst nightmare and my greatest fear. If you are following my work, it’s likely your greatest fear. My inbox and voicemail box have been blowing up this week with messages from others, terrified that they will be the next Heidi De Leon. Through countless tears, I counted in my mind the number of moms that I know whose ex-husbands are “this” dangerous. I sobbed to my husband that I can’t keep doing this work anymore. My heart felt shattered and heavy. The next day, I remembered something I’d seen online the day prior: “It’s okay to cry when you’re hurt but wash your face and get off the floor when you are done because you don’t belong down there.”
I don’t have all the answers. I wish I did. While my voice couldn’t help Heidi, I will keep doing “this work” in her honor because I do hear success stories. I do hear about family court professionals who listen, and act accordingly. I know that we are making a difference. We make a difference when we listen to someone struggling. We make a difference when we validate someone’s pain. We make a difference when one person is educated on Cluster B personality disorders and we make a difference when someone out there feels less alone.
I know this is a terrifying, isolating journey. I know thatlike me, you feel that no one is listening. One thing that I know is that I am listening and I understand how darkthis journey feels. I remember that for the first six years of my battle, noone was listening. It took one person (a custody evaluator) to protect mychildren when I felt like everyone else had failed. The thing is…we never knowwhen someone will appear and light our path or turn things around.
You make me one promise and I will make you one in return: promise me that you won’t give up and that you won’t lose hope. I promise to keep raising awareness, to keep shouting from the rooftops and to keep educating family court professionals. I promise to keep doing this work so you are not in the trenches alone. I promise to do this in Heidi’s honor.
#WakeUpFamilyCourt