“I Can’t Take Another Lie”: What To Do When the Narcissist Lies in the Courtroom
Narcissistic individuals have no qualms about lying under oath. Perjury means nothing to them because their reality is whatever serves their agenda in the moment. They will distort, manipulate, and fabricate without hesitation…all while looking the judge in the eye.
If you’ve ever sat in a courtroom and listened to the narcissist spin their web of lies, you know how infuriating and helpless it can feel. The injustice of it all is enough to make your blood boil. But reacting emotionally won’t help your case—it will only give them ammunition to use against you.
So, how do you handle it? How do you sit there, listen to the blatant lies, and still maintain your composure?
The Power of Professionalism and Strategy
While it’s tempting to shake your head, roll your eyes, or interrupt with “That’s a lie!”—none of these reactions will serve you. The court isn’t interested in emotional responses; they’re looking for facts and evidence. The truth doesn’t need to be shouted—it needs to be documented and presented strategically.
Instead of reacting emotionally, try this 3-step process when the narcissist testifies and you hear a lie:
Step 1: Master Your Poker Face
Whether through a mantra, a sticky note on your notepad, or sheer mental discipline, remind yourself to stay calm and indifferent.
The goal is to appear composed and unaffected. Judges take note of body language and demeanor, and your restraint speaks volumes.
Step 2: Breathe with Intention
When you hear a blatant lie, take an intentional inhale and exhale. This keeps your nervous system regulated and prevents an outward reaction.
If needed, silently repeat a grounding phrase like “This is just noise—facts will speak for themselves.”
Step 3: Document the Lies Systematically
Write down the exact lie in a concise manner. If you can develop or learn shorthand, even better.
If you have proof that contradicts the lie, put a checkmark next to it so you can quickly reference it later.
If there’s no proof but you know it’s a lie, document it anyway—it may become relevant later.
Then, take another deep breath and start back at Step 1.
The Bigger Picture: Why This Matters
Ultimately, there is very little we can control in the courtroom but what we can control is our approach. By keeping a concise, neatly organized, and factual (rather than emotional) record of the narcissist’s lies, you’re doing two things:
Strengthening your case. Your attorney (or you, if self-represented) can use these documented lies strategically, whether through cross-examination, rebuttal evidence, or written pleadings.
Protecting your mental and emotional well-being. Instead of drowning in frustration, you are channeling that energy into something productive. It gives you a sense of control in an environment that often feels uncontrollable.
The courtroom is not about truth and justice in the way we wish it were. It is about strategy, evidence, and credibility. The narcissist will lie; that is a given. But your ability to remain composed and present documented, irrefutable contradictions can make all the difference.
At the end of the day, your best weapon against a narcissist’s lies isn’t anger—it’s preparation, professionalism, and patience.
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The fine print: I am not qualified to give you (or anyone) legal advice, I recommend consulting with your attorney. Your attorney is your voice and your advocate in the family court system.
About me: My name is Tina Swithin. I am a survivor and I am a mom who "gets it.” While acting as my own attorney, I successfully protected my children in a system that is best described as “inhumane,” I am a blogger, a divorce coach and a fierce advocate for reform in the family court system. You can read more about me here.
