Divorcing a Narcissist: The Return of Seth
by Tina SwithinMy phone rang yesterday afternoon and between the fact that it was an unknown number and I was knee-deep in spreadsheet hell, I let the call go to voicemail. When I listened to the message and my stomach dropped.
Hi Tina - My name is Elena and I am with (XYZ Supervision Agency). I spoke with Seth about providing supervised visitation with your two daughters. I've sent Seth the intake paperwork and I need to speak with you to learn more about the case and send you some intake paperwork as well. If you could please give me a call back at 555-1234.
It's been one year, one month and nine days since we've seen Seth and now he wants to set up visits? His mother, Cleo, came to visit for the summer and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was going to pressure him into visits. Our last communication from him (by email) basically stated that he was going to "develop the mentality of a soldier going to war and plan to see the girls when they were adults." Cleo strikes again.I centered myself and called Elena back. I explained a bit about our situation and that we hadn't seen him in a year. I let her know that there was specific instructions on our order about which agency we were to use but that I needed to find the order and read it again. My recollection was that there was a different agency listed along a second option - an individual therapist who was chosen by the Commissioner and minor's counsel. I explained to Elena that due to the length of time that had passed, I would prefer to consult with an attorney and opt for reunification therapy prior to jumping into supervised visits. Since one of the options on our court order was a therapist, I was leaning in that direction.I found our court order and immediately called the therapist who was listed as a potential supervisor. I gave her a brief history and the most recent event that had transpired: Seth wanting to establish visits after a one year absence. I explained my desire for reunification therapy prior to just jumping straight into a visitation routine and she provided an outline of what would happen:
She would speak to the girls' therapist to gain a clear understanding of our case.
She would meet with Piper, Sarah and myself.
She would meet with Seth.
After all of that, she would facilitate the visits.
I got off the phone feeling less anxiety-ridden than I had felt moments before. Even in this "warrior mom" image that I have gained, I am human. I felt ill while listening to the initial voicemail -- my heart was pounding and I wanted to throw up. I had to re-group and find my center. I had to coach myself - that pep-talk that I would give my clients was not coming to me in the "fog" that I was feeling. After speaking to the therapist, I felt reassured. I was reminded by Rebecca (OMB) that the girls were empowered. I was reminded that they had found their voices.To be continued.....click here for Part 2“Like” One Mom’s Battle on Facebook or “follow” on Twitter.Seeking a Private Forum for advice, inspiration and support? Join Tina and the Lemonade Warriors in The Lemonade Club! For information, please email Tina@onemomsbattle.comSeeking a Divorce Coach for your high-conflict divorce and custody battle? Contact Tina Swithin at Tina Swithin, LLCSeeking insight, encouragement and advice while divorcing a narcissist? Tina Swithin’s books, “Divorcing a Narcissist: One Mom’s Battle” and her new book "Divorcing a Narcissist: Advice from the Battlefield" are available on Amazon or through Barnes & Noble. Learn how to set boundaries, navigate your way through the divorce and see the narcissist for who he/she really is. You will learn to forgive yourself and you will begin to heal.[wp_ad_camp_1]