Divorcing a Narcissist: Living in the Courtroom

I just finished filing my court papers and evidence (exhibits) to back up the request for Contempt of Court.I was joking with the file clerk that the court is my "home away from home".  I still remember the day that I went to file papers for divorce on August 18, 2009 and my X was there standing in line-- two spots in front of me!  He didn't know that I was behind him so I had a full five minutes to hear his bizarre, manic ramblings that made me want to go behind the counter and hug the poor clerk.  I can still picture her face staring at him in shock as he began to show her pictures of my "indiscretions" while telling her, "She's been with four men in four months and I just found out".The truth was, he downloaded photos from my Facebook.  Any man that I was photographed with became a target of his anger-- one of them was engaged at the time, one had a girlfriend, one was the friend of a friend who was visiting from Australia and one was someone who just happened to be in a group photo. I was in disbelief.  What was he talking about?  He looked like a crazy person and I couldn't believe that he was describing me this way to someone.We had been separated since January/February of 2009 and verbally agreed to not file anything formal until we figured out my health insurance and a few other things.  Unbeknownst to me, he had been plotting to take everything that we owned while I was out of town.  It was like a theatrical performance that he staged-- he cleared our house of every piece of furniture, art and valuable and then went straight to the courthouse to play the victim.  Technically, he took everything while we were married so I didn't have a lot of recourse and then tried to blindside me by filing for divorce.This "staged performance" gave him the starring role as the victim which Narcissists need so desperately to thrive.  It gave him a story to tell to anyone and everyone who would listed while I sat back wondering when his horrid performance was going to end.  We argued in court back and forth about our date of separation- he said tomato, she said tomato....he said August, she said January.  I stopped arguing over this silly issue when I realized he was fighting to pay spousal support for several months longer than if he would have simply spoken the truth.  Notice that I didn't use "Narcissist" and "truth" in the same sentence?Here we are three years later and we are still battling about his lies. This was my opening statement on today's declaration: Since 2009, the Respondent has struggled to provide financially for her daughters.  During this same time period, the Petitioner has maintained a luxurious lifestyle despite his child support arrears growing to nearly $40,000.  The Respondent has been hesitant to bring this issue to the court's attention because any motion to secure child support results in (The X) attempting to secure additional parenting time. My greatest fear in holding him financially accountable is that he will seek a higher "percentage" of custody.  I feel confident that I have enough information about him (and declarations on standby) to know that he won't be awarded any additional time.  It comes down to this: It isn't about seeing his daughters, it is about lowering his out of pocket costs which can be adjusted with more parenting time.  For me, it's about the principle but I would walk away from $40,000 in arrears or $4,000,000 in arrears if he would walk away and stop damaging my daughters.  If that offer were submitted to me, I would sign it in a heartbeat.###One Mom's Battle: Our mission at One Mom’s Battle is to increase awareness of Cluster B personality disorders (Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder) and their impact upon shared parenting and the Family Court System which includes Judges, CPS workers, Guardian ad Litems (GAL), Parenting Coordinators (PC), Custody Evaluators, therapists and attorneys. Education on Cluster B disorders will allow these professionals to truly act in the best interest of the children.History of One Mom's Battle: In 2009, One Mom’s Battle began with one mother, (Tina Swithin), navigating the choppy waters of a high-conflict divorce in the Family Court System. Since then, it has turned into a grassroots movement reaching the far corners of the Earth. Tina's battle spanned from 2009 - 2014 during which time she acted as her own attorney. Ultimately, Tina was successful in protecting her daughters and her family has enjoyed complete peace since October 2014 when a Family Court commissioner called her ex-husband a "sociopath" and revoked his parenting time in a final custody order.Tina Swithin: Divorcing a narcissist? Tina Swithin's books are available online at Amazon (print, Kindle or audio format). Each year, Tina offers life-changing weekends of camaraderie and healing at the Lemonade Power Retreat.  Tina also offers one-on-one coaching services and a private, secure forum called, The Lemonade Club, for those enduring high-conflict custody battles. [wp_ad_camp_1]