Denim Day: April 27
According to www.DenimDay.org,
“The Denim Day story begins in Italy in 1992, when an 18-year old girl was raped by the 45-year old driving instructor who was taking her to her very first driving lesson. He took her to an isolated road, pulled her out of the car, removed her jeans and forcefully raped her.
She reports the rape and the perpetrator is arrested and prosecuted. He is then convicted of rape and sentenced to jail. Years later, he appealed the conviction claiming that they had consensual sex. The Italian Supreme Court overturned the conviction and the perpetrator was released. A statement from the Court argued that because the victim was wearing very tight jeans, she had to help him remove them, and by removing the jeans it was not rape but consensual sex. This became known throughout Italy as the “jeans alibi.”
As a parent, it is terrifying to think about sending my daughters out into this world. My fears continue to be confirmed - I happened to be staying in West Hollywood this past week - celebrating my daughters' 15th and 17th birthdays and spring break. We made reservations for dinner at a popular local restaurant on Sunday night - we experienced great service, food, atmosphere however, the night took an unexpected turn.
This is an excerpt of my email to restaurant management:
“As I was talking to my daughter, the busboy (man) approached our table to clear a dish and out of the corner of my eye, I was sure I saw him position himself to see down the front of her dress. Admittedly, my daughter is a gorgeous young woman - "young" being the keyword as just 48-hours prior to this dinner, she celebrated turning 15-years old. While her age is one factor here, I am assuming we can all agree that this behavior would be unacceptable regardless of her age.
On his next trip to our table, I was on high alert - sure enough, I watched him position himself to see down the front of her dress.
I was furious and seeing red at this point - but not wanting to cause a scene and ruin the night for my daughters as it was our last night in LA. I quietly notified my daughters of what I had witnessed, and instructed her to sit up straighter so that there were no gapes in the front of her dress. Despite my best attempts to enjoy our dinner, I found myself on edge, warning my daughters every time he entered our dining area and pretending that we were still eating just to avoid him coming to take plates or service our table.
Two days have passed since this incident and I remain furious - that our evening was ruined by this creep, that this is the world that we live in and that this man is employed by your restaurant. I work in the field of domestic violence and advocacy - so the issues with misogyny and male privilege are high on my radar. For far too long, we've made excuses that "boys will be boys."
There is a part of me that feels like defending my daughter - sending you a photo of what she was wearing, a very tasteful and beautiful dress. There is a part of me that feels the need to tell you what a sweet, kind, innocent soul she is...and that she did not ask for this nor did she deserve this.
I realize that the parts of me that felt the need to tell you these things are the parts of me that have been conditioned by society that somehow, girls asked for unwanted attention by what they are wearing or by how they are acting. So I remind myself that even if she had been wearing a bra and underwear or acting inappropriately, she did not deserve the way she was treated. We did not deserve to have our night ruined by this man who should not be working in a public setting around women or girls. No female deserves this type of treatment.”
We need to be talking about these issues that are so prevalent in our society - it’s been swept under the rug and kept in the dark for far too long.
On Denim Day, we stand together in solidarity - demanding better. Demanding accountability. Demanding change.
