Building a Foundation on the Truth
Sometimes I need to practice what I preach. I often tell people not to waste their emotions on Narcissistic attacks. These people do not deserve the feelings, emotions or reactions that we often give them. Last night, I allowed my x to get under my skin.My daughter's health insurance expires this month and thankfully, child support services enforced the court order stating that my x has to provide health insurance through his company. I emailed him two days ago asking for the policy information. He sent it and I wrote back a very simple, "thank you".Last night, I opened my email to discover this email (I removed a few portions but this is 98% of it):Tina- Why dis you cancel the health insurance for (the girls)? With my loss of a job last year due to various factors including your constant harassment and vexatious litigation against me, you did a good job providing insurance for a few months. Why did you cancel our daughters insurance that was provided by (your company)? I would have thought you'd follow the court order to maintain health insurance for the children. Albeit, you have not once in 4 years done anything to help ensure that our daughters could have a normal healthy father-daughter relationship with me, their father. Instead, you didn't show up at countless scheduled visitations because I didn't notify you precisely at 10:59 AM. You knew I was waiting, yet you refused to let me spend a few precious hours with (the girls). You are obsessed with "destroying me." People who know me and you keep asking, "What's up with Tina? What's wrong with her?" You are publicly demonstrating that you are mentally unstable in the community.It is so disconcerting that your motivation is money. You read the Secret in 2008, you watched the movie 3 times in a row; it states the recipe for success is to write a book to become "Rich" and that's your goal. You are proving you are vengeful, selfish and uninterested in how much damage you are causing to (the girls) for your own "ego boost" bragging over "100,000 visitors to my blog!!" Tina your desire for fame and money is obviously more important to you than preserving our daughters sanctity and privacy. I doubt your book will generate any profit, but the point is the girls are going to be emotionally damaged forever by your book/blog. What if I walked around calling you names and saying you're bipolar. How would they feel about themselves when they heard their mom has more than a few screws loose. You have not once in 4 years done anything to help ensure our daughters could have a relationship of love and nurture with me, their father. You don't tell me about their performances, you had (your fiance) bring them to a father-daughter ball and you make (oldest daughter) feel rewarded when she informs you of anything negative. I am not "disturbed " a "narcissist" a "psychopath" or "sick". I have been successful in my past with education and business but my only interest now is (the girls), and ensuring they make it through college with a healthy and free attitude to enjoy life and the challenges. You are proving you are vengeful and obviously obsessed with "destroying me" by your blog; at least my reputation in a small town where I grew up and you know many people know me and you. I am going to seek damages to my reputation and my parent's career options. This is inevitable if you continue your libel, slander and defamation. Or just use your free will, do what's in the best interest of (the girls) reputations now and when they're teenage girls and stop all of your defamation and libel. Tina you went to (a continuation high school). You barely finished high school. You're a good fiction writer, that I'll give you. But you have 0 training in psychology. You have the audacity to write, "As you know, I was successful in obtaining new parenting evaluation at our last hearing," Tina you asked that my daughters were limited to see me on Saturdays (with a supervisor present). Your filing an FL-300 "Request for an Order" was to take the children away from me completely. Your blog is a conundrum of crafted and intricate lies. I asked as Item #1 for a Custody Evaluation because our children need a mentally stable parent in their lives. You're clearly demonstrating pathological patterns of delusion with no Interest in the truth; with no interest on right and wrong; nor how ethically to do what is right for (daughters). You want money and profit from a delusional fictional narrative in your own (quite possibly clinically bipolar) mind. I am deeply concerned about your mental stability now that I have read your entire blog. It's disturbing on many levels. I am most concerned now about how our children, (daughter #1) initially and soon (daughter #2's) emotional damage will manifest upon exposure to their Mom's words about the Dad they love just as much as you Tina. You have no idea how negatively this will affect our children. This is no "battle" as you say. It's not about putting on "big girl panties" and "fighting" as you state on your blog. This is not delusion or fiction Tina, it is about two children who's own sense of self is reliant on a healthy relationship with their father and mother. Their own self-esteem is from both of us Tina. You calm them "mini me". That alone is poor parenting. Let them be themselves and decide for themselves Tina. I am pleading with you to stop your little ego feed from the blog, go back to earning an income and move on in your life. Stop obsessing over what gym I work out at, where I live, what girlfriend I may have 220 miles from where my daughters reside, and get on with your own life. ###I stared at the email and I let it get to me. I had many reactions to it.1. My x actually cc'd his attorney on this email. How can someone read this and not question his mental stability? I emailed his attorney (for the 2nd time) and requested that he cease this type of harassment. There is a court order in place that prevents these emails and this is the second one this month. I have been requesting that he cease from these emails for three years. At this point, filing contempt charges may be the only way to stop this from continuing.2. I wanted to respond to so many things that he wrote:
For the sake of my daughters, I want to beg him to stop giving me information to write about. I started blogging out of desperation. No one in the court system was listening to me. I fought for a parenting evaluation in 2009 and they didn't see through him or listen. I fought for minor's counsel in 2011 and was left feeling the same way. I want someone to be accountable if something happens to my daughters and publicly blogging about this nightmare gave me hope that someone would finally listen. Someone has to listen because I feel the same desperation today that prompted my blog in 2011.
I can't encourage a "normal, healthy father-daughter relationship" if there is no foundation for it. I want more than anything in this world for my daughter's father to be healthy. I don't want my daughters to ever suffer emotionally. I would do anything to fix him and their relationship. Anything.
I am not bi-polar nor has there ever been any question about my mental stability. My therapist will gladly attest to this fact. My mother was bi-polar; I am not.
I am not trying to destroy him and in fact, I have my Facebook adverts blocked from my entire country and surrounding counties. I wish that he would stop reading my blog because its not about him. It's about so much more.
I wanted to tell him to take this energy that he expends on these email attacks and put the same amount of energy into something positive- like a relationship with his daughters. If he could use half the energy he spends trying to hurt me into something healthy, I would have zero content to write about.
I am tired of the delusions. I don't have Lupus. I didn't go to any type of continuation high school. Where does he come up with this stuff? As much as I learn about these disorders, I will never understand how someone just makes up a new reality in their mind- and then seems to believe it.
I called my Aunt tonight to talk about the email. I get angry (with myself) that I allow myself to be hurt by his words. I needed a pep talk from my aunt. I want to share the email that my dear Auntie Bev sent me because her words are so true and I believe that her words can also help many of you who struggle with the same thing:Tina- You know the truth about you....but you haven't let it become your foundation yet. Let the truth be your foundation--then nothing anyone says will affect you. Learn from the "Three Little Pigs." Build your "house" so that no one can destroy it. Be strong in what you know. I suggest that you build your foundation by building a list (and emotionally absorbing it) of truths about Tina. Then do a list of lies about Tina. Be confident of both. That is what you need to do in your mind and in court--show what an ugly, evil, nasty person he is and how his lies make him uglier. You are a strong, healthy, loving, kind, beautiful, intelligent woman and an amazing mom. Period. Own it. I love you with all my heart. Auntie###One Mom's Battle: Our mission at One Mom’s Battle is to increase awareness of Cluster B personality disorders (Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder) and their impact upon shared parenting and the Family Court System which includes Judges, CPS workers, Guardian ad Litems (GAL), Parenting Coordinators (PC), Custody Evaluators, therapists and attorneys. Education on Cluster B disorders will allow these professionals to truly act in the best interest of the children.History of One Mom's Battle: In 2009, One Mom’s Battle began with one mother, (Tina Swithin), navigating the choppy waters of a high-conflict divorce in the Family Court System. Since then, it has turned into a grassroots movement reaching the far corners of the Earth. Tina's battle spanned from 2009 - 2014 during which time she acted as her own attorney. Ultimately, Tina was successful in protecting her daughters and her family has enjoyed complete peace since October 2014 when a Family Court commissioner called her ex-husband a "sociopath" and revoked his parenting time in a final custody order.Tina Swithin: Divorcing a narcissist? Tina Swithin's books are available online at Amazon (print, Kindle or audio format). Each year, Tina offers life-changing weekends of camaraderie and healing at the Lemonade Power Retreat. Tina also offers one-on-one coaching services and a private, secure forum called, The Lemonade Club, for those enduring high-conflict custody battles. [wp_ad_camp_1]