Divorcing a Narcissist: When Drinking is a Bigger Lure than Your Daughters

This weekend was absolutely typical of what it is like to "parent" with Seth.  He had two daytime visits this weekend-- 11am to 5pm, both days.  He still refuses to supply us with a phone number so God forbid we had a real emergency- I would have no way to contact him.On Friday night, Piper came home from gymnastics and felt warm to me.  During dinner, we could tell that she wasn't feeling well.  We took her temperature and sure enough, she was toasty.  I emailed Seth around 7:45pm to let him know that she had a fever and to give him two options: we could re-schedule his visitation weekend or I could send Piper in pajamas and they could have a mellow weekend.  I was surprised when I didn't hear back because historically, he doesn't handle sick children very well and thought he'd jump at the chance to reschedule.We arrived at the coffee shop for the 11am parenting exchange and I could see the hangover before he even opened his mouth.  I remained in my car with the window down and asked, "Did you get my email?"Seth: "No...?"Me: "Piper is really sick and has a fever.  I gave her Tylenol at 10:30am but she needs to remain mellow today and will need another dose around 2:30-3pm.Seth: "Oh...okay.  I have Tylenol.  I will give it to her around 12:30."Me: "No- she won't need it until 2:30pm...I just gave it to her at 10:30am"Seth: "Okay- I have some at the house."  "Girls- let's go into the coffee shop and Skype with Noni (his mom, Cleo)"Me: "Seth- she is sick.  Can you take them to your house and Skype with them there?  I will wait here until you go inside and get your computer."Seth:  "Okay- that's fine."  He then went and got his computer while I stayed with the girls.He was more hungover than I have seen him in a very long time.  Hoarse voice, red complexion and he looked horrible.  Alcoholism was a huge issue during our marriage and it runs heavily on his mom's side of the family.  He has now had multiple "drunk in public" offenses, one DUI and one DUI which was reduced to a "Wet n Reckless" with the help of a good attorney.I arrived to pick the girls up at 5pm and Seth told them that he would see them tomorrow.  I could immediately see that Piper was flushed.  "Why don't we just let her sleep tomorrow and see how she feels?  Maybe you can have a day next week?"  "Oh- that's fine", he replied with more energy in his voice.  No argument from him?After we arrived home and took her temperature which was around 102. I also discovered that he had never administered Tylenol or ibuprofen and he dragged her out of the house with a fever to eat Taco Bell since there was no food at his house. We arrived home around 5:30pm where Piper went straight to her bed after dinner and thankfully, her fever broke during the night.  She was cool to the touch at 3am when I checked on her and seemed back to normal Sunday morning other than a yucky cough.I had received an email from Seth at 9:30pm on Saturday night that said, "I'd like to see the girls both days next weekend in lieu of this weekend."  Wait.  Both days?  I am so confused.  He wants both days because she wasn't healthy for one of his visits?  I could hear his voice, "Ma'am, I would like a refund on my visit."  Oy vey....I emailed Seth at 7:34am on Sunday morning to update him that Piper's fever had broke and that I would just assume we stick to the scheduled 11am visit versus rescheduling for next weekend.  The thought of dealing with him three weekends in a row was too much to bear since Piper was now feeling better.  He replied with the following, "I'd like to see the girls next weekend in lieu of today as I already assumed we changed plans yesterday at the exchange."  Around the same time he called my phone and said that he had made plans to go to the beach with friends and couldn't see the girls.My first thought was that If I only saw my daughters 4-5 days per month...I would cancel plans with my friends at any opportunity to see my daughters.  Then I reminded myself that we are not the same person...thankfully.  It had also dawned on me-- this was St. Patrick's Day weekend.  An entire weekend of drinking....which explains how bad the Saturday morning hangover was and it also explained his eagerness to get out of Sunday's visit."Like" One Mom's Battle on Facebook or "follow" on Twitter Click the link to purchase Tina's new book, "Divorcing a Narcissist- One Mom's Battle."  You will find insight, red flag reflections, tips and strategies on how to survive (and thrive!) while divorcing of co-parenting with a narcissist. Tired of panicking at the site of a new email from the narcissist in your inbox? Learn how to decode the emails and see them for what they are. You will learn to forgive yourself and you will begin to heal.  You can also purchase "Tips by Tina" and receive them by email within 24 hours.[wp_ad_camp_1]