Divorcing a Narcissist: Trust Your Instinct

by Tina SwithinIf there is one thing I want to instil in my daughters, it is to trust your instincts -- your inner voice, your gut feelings, your intuition. In the family court system, the judge requires black and white evidence -- regardless of how strong our instincts are. We teach our children to keep speaking up when it comes to things that are important -- keep talking until someone listens. My story is proof of how important this really is.Many of you remember Seth's brother, Robert, from my books. He was one of the biggest components in my child custody case. While I protected his identity in my writing, he has been arrested in what is said to be the largest case of child sex abuse and child pornography in the history of San Luis Obispo County. Due to his own evil, perverse actions, his identity is now splashed across the front pages of my local newspapers . The reality was, my concerns about Robert (Jason Robert Porter) started way before my custody battle ever began. My concerns about him began before I even had children and once we did have children, my (ex) husband and I remained united in our decision to keep our daughters away from him. We even remained united against Seth's mother who begged us to come together for family functions so that she could pretend to have a happy, healthy family. Seth never stood up to his mother so I was relieved when he took a firm stance on this topic. We were united in our decision until our custody battle began.One thing that I have learned from divorcing a narcissist (Cluster B disordered individual) is that the battle has nothing to do with what is best for the children. A custody battle with a narcissist is fueled by a desire to win at all costs. The loss of control when the marriage ends causes the narcissist to grab the nearest weapon (the children) in an effort to maintain or regain control. In my case, Seth knew that the way to really hurt me was to bring my daughters around his brother. Seth and his parents became a united team in their fight to allow my daughters to be around Jason Porter. They successfully trumped my concerns in a child custody evaluation through Family Court Services. Then, they submitted multiple declarations stating that Jason was a "changed man" -- they wanted to allow him full access to my children. My plea to the court was so strong that they appointed minor's counsel who also dismissed my concerns. I voiced my concerns about Jason making out with a 14-year old when he was in his 30's. I voiced my concerns about his inappropriate behavior in Thailand. I voiced my concerns about him threatening to rape and murder women, his obsession with convicted killer, Rex Allen Krebs along with his history of suicidal and homicidal statements.No one would listen to me.Last June, Jason was arrested for photographing and molesting a young girl. He was rearrested weeks later when the investigation revealed the depth of abuse that had allegedly occurred.After two days of testimony this week in his preliminary hearing, the judge upheld all 32 charges against him. The details of this case are so horrific that the media can't even scratch the surface of how sick and evil this man truly is.When you divorce a narcissist, you are forced into a battle with their entire family. The writing was all over the walls in this case for years- I continued to speak up and was failed at every turn. During my marriage to Seth, his parents put on their rose-colored glasses and refused to listen to my concerns. I made a decision to distance myself and my children from Jason Porter during my marriage and it caused major waves within the family. I listened to my gut and I held firm in my stance. In court, I was painted as irrational and bitter -- these accusations were the furthest thing from the truth. I hope and pray that my story and this case are a wake-up call for the family court system.###One Mom's Battle: Our mission at One Mom’s Battle is to increase awareness of Cluster B personality disorders (Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder) and their impact upon shared parenting and the Family Court System which includes Judges, CPS workers, Guardian ad Litems (GAL), Parenting Coordinators (PC), Custody Evaluators, therapists and attorneys. Education on Cluster B disorders will allow these professionals to truly act in the best interest of the children.History of One Mom's Battle: In 2009, One Mom’s Battle began with one mother, (Tina Swithin), navigating the choppy waters of a high-conflict divorce in the Family Court System. Since then, it has turned into a grassroots movement reaching the far corners of the Earth. Tina's battle spanned from 2009 - 2014 during which time she acted as her own attorney. Ultimately, Tina was successful in protecting her daughters and her family has enjoyed complete peace since October 2014 when a Family Court commissioner called her ex-husband a "sociopath" and revoked his parenting time in a final custody order.Tina Swithin: Tina Swithin's books are available online at Amazon (print, Kindle or audio format). Each year, Tina offers life-changing weekends of camaraderie and healing at the Lemonade Power Retreat.  Tina also offers one-on-one coaching services and a private, secure forum called, The Lemonade Club, for those enduring high-conflict custody battles.[wp_ad_camp_1]