Divorcing a Narcissist: Actions Equal Consequences

I recently completed a parenting class called, "Love and Logic".  I began taking these classes when my oldest daughter was a toddler and it made a world of difference during the "Terrible Two" stages and beyond.  The style of parenting is very appealing to me and the basic idea is that parents provide an atmosphere of love, acceptance and empathy.  The natural consequences of the child's actions do the teaching.  This approach is best delivered when the children are young and the consequences aren't so great.  This parenting style affords the children many "choices" to equip the child with decision-making skills as an adult.At a very young age, my children were taught (and understand) that all actions have consequences.  Consequences are delivered with empathy and love.  They learn to 'own' their problems or less-than-fabulous behavior.  They also get to watch empathy being modeled.  There is irony in the fact that I've always been drawn to this parenting style yet I was married to a man who didn't care about consequences, didn't own a single problem and has never experienced empathy.  (Now I am humming, "Ironic" by Alanis Morissette.)Tonight he called the girls and reminded both of them that it was Father's Day.  He then proceeded to play the victim card by explaining (again) that he was going to be here in town and how sad it was that he wouldn't be able to see them.  He mentioned it several times.  He then said to my oldest daughter, "I want you to make me a Father's Day present and maybe figure out a way to give it me".  She looked unsure of what to say and didn't respond to him.  Of course he continued by saying, "I don't know how you can get it to me but maybe you can figure out a way since I will be in town?".  She stared at me with a confused look and shrugged her shoulders.I know that he is the King of spinning his own reality but this was a bit over the top even for him.  Does he expect her to borrow the keys to my car and defy court orders by hand-delivering a cute little Father's Day package to his doorstep?  She shrugged her shoulders, I shrugged my shoulders and we went on with our night.  The reality is that he could see the girls yet he refuses to set up the supervised visits.  He hasn't seen them since the ex parte hearing.For three years, there have been a variety of 'actions' that have placed my daughters in jeopardy both emotionally and physically.  The most recent set of actions could have easily resulted in tragedy.  The consequences of those actions were handed down by the judge: supervised visitation.I pray that the Judge upholds the current order when we go back into court next week (Wednesday, June 20th) and makes the Supervised Visitation a permanent order.To Purchase "Tina's Tips", click here.[wp_ad_camp_1]