Decoding the Narcissistic Madness
Hi Tina! I just had to share because I took a message and put it through the Narc Decoder tonight, and I feel SO much better! Thank you for this tool you’ve given me to lighten my battle. - Anonymous
My narcissist’s message:
“Please stop lying. I told you I set up the new auto deposit before the divorce started after I noticed you withdrew thousands without conferring with me. Once the divorce started, there is an automatic injunction in place which means I cannot change financial matters without violating the court order. The only way I can put money into the joint account is by a cash deposit which I did. You have a strange way of saying thank you. You're welcome.
Over half my paychecks goes to bills, with much of the rest going to legal fees, so there is not a lot left over. Also, please help me understand something. You've probably paid well over $15,000 (like me) for this wonderful divorce so far with at least another $20,000 on the horizon, but can't find any money for the kids and have to scrape by like paupers? Why are you making them suffer for our sins? I'm transferring what I can. Anything you borrow from your parents to tide you over will be split in the end.
As for the clothing and school supplies, you took nearly everything when you left, so it is only fair to leave the kids a little something here for when they get to stay with me. I'll give you the winter clothing and your personal items, but I want the big wooden Jesus cross back. It has great meaning for me.
Anyway, I'm ready for this to be over so I never have to see or speak with you again. Maybe we could just please cut to the chase and stop wasting all this money in legal fees? You must know the PRE will have access to my overwhelming evidence and will be able to observe me with the children (who clearly love me to death), so why are we wasting all this time and money again? Never mind. If you want to hurt yourself financially and legally, then that's on you.”
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DE-CODED:Please stop telling the truth all the time! I hate it when you do that. I evaded getting served the divorce papers for two whole weeks just so I could figure out how to open up my own bank account and make sure you don’t see a dime. Do you know what a hassle it is having to conceal my paycheck from you every two weeks?! Not to mention the huge amount of energy it takes to violate every other court order that I’ve now manipulated myself into thinking I’m actually abiding by. For maintenance of my possessions, er...kids, I put $400 in the joint account. I can’t imagine why that wouldn’t be enough for the next 3 months. Since you no longer thank me for my incredible generosity, I’ll thank myself for you.
I will now educate you on our finances which you handled all the time, because I just can’t believe they aren’t paying me more money at work for my genius. Where is all of my money? Please help me understand something: I’ve conned my family into loaning me $15,000 and I need to find a way to show how evil you are so that they will give me more money. Why can’t you just use your parents’ money, too? You know I don’t actually like using my own money for important things. I need that money for porn because of what a horrible wife you were.
I have no idea where the kids’ clothes and school supplies actually are in this house. You used to take care of everything, remember? But I do know the thought of the kids staying with me sends you into a tailspin, right? <insert psychotic laugh> I also don’t know the proper name for a crucifix, so I’ll call it the wooden Jesus thing. Since it’s actually important to you, and I really need to boost my image by suddenly becoming religious, I demand that possession back too.
Anyway, since you’re the one with the restraining order, I need to soothe my ego by saying I never want to speak with you again. Obviously. Never mind the fact that I can’t go 48 hours without sending you harassing messages. That’s how I show my love (for myself). Let’s just cut to the chase and give me back all of the power. This time I promise (fingers crossed!) I won’t fool you again. The thought of yet another person seeing all of your evidence against me scares the hell out of me, which is why I need to convince you (and myself) that I’m actually the one with the evidence. The kids will love me to death...or else!!! Do you see how I totally DON’T need a psych eval?!