The Narc Decoder – Book Release

The Narc Decoder – Book Release

by Tina Swithin

Hi everyone!  It’s been quite a while since I’ve checked in.

As I opened the OMB blog to write a post, I had a flood of memories come through. This was the place I came to vent, purge and try to make sense of a world that makes no sense. When I started this blog, I was rock bottom. I was alone, scared and confused. I was someone who hated conflict and because of that, I learned to bend and my boundaries were fluid versus firm. This blog became my strength on so many dark days.

Quick update on my case: it’s been 31 months since we’ve seen Seth aside from a 1-hour visit in 2014 which caused our world to rock a bit. After that visit, the Commissioner stripped Seth of visits completely. He isn’t even allowed to call us. In true sociopath fashion, Seth recently reemerged on Valentine’s Day when he sent a card to his mom and pretended that it came from the girls. Because he used my email address to send the card (silly, silly, little Seth), I promptly filed a police report to document the incident. Now he has set a court date to deal with child support because he was once again fired from his job. I wish I would have never opened a child support case in 2009 because today, that is the tie that binds us. The reality is, I would gladly pay him support each month to go away once and for all!

Since I stopped blogging, I’ve taken my writing energy to paper and made good use of my time. Last year I published my third book, Rebuilding After the Storm and today, my fourth book went live which may be my personal favorite: The Narc Decoder.

Excerpt from The Narc Decoder:

Divorcing a narcissist? You are probably left feeling baffled and shaken by the communication that you receive from the narcissist. In my mid-twenties, I contemplated learning multiple foreign languages. I envisioned dabbling in French to successfully make my way around Paris or Irish Gaelic to explore the rich history of Ireland along with my deep ancestral roots in that country. My day dreams about learning new languages always went hand in hand with the imagery of world travel. The thought of exploring exotic and old world places far away from home intrigued me. My mind summoned several foreign adventures, but never did I think I would need to learn a foreign language to navigate my own life. In 2008, I heard the words, “Narcissistic Personality Disorder” (NPD) to describe my then-husband, Seth. It took a couple years for the reality of those three little words to really sink in.

Looking back, the red flags had been waving in the wind since our very first date. Those flags grew taller and more vibrant in color during our marriage. As it turns out, those same red flags that had been lining my path for years were dipped in a highly flammable mixture of kerosene. I realized the danger only when they exploded near the end of my marriage. Like any unexpected explosion, I was unprepared and left nursing deep, emotional, third-degree burns. In my research, I discovered a new language which took quite a bit of studying and insight on NPD to understand. As it turns out, the reason that I was so bewildered by Seth’s communication style was that we were speaking completely different languages. I spoke the English version of “human” while he was speaking the non-human “Narc-ish.”

I am convinced there is a Narc-ish dictionary or manual hidden deep in a dark, musty hole somewhere in a faraway land with step-by-step instructions on how to inflict fear, confusion and despair. From this land, narcissists hail. Their secret language can only be decoded by those who aren’t fooled by the narcissist’s stealth ability to inflict confusion and chaos with it. My computer has a feature that allows me to translate most languages. However, this particular area of my life requires technology that is a bit savvier. Need is the catalyst of industry: and I was in need of a device to decipher Narc-ish. So, I invented one. I call it the “Narc Decoder” and have made life-altering good use of it. The good news is, everyone has access to the Narc Decoder because it is a machine that I am honored to replicate and share with anyone who is forced to communicate with a narcissist. Once you understand how to use the Narc Decoder, your life will change for the better. You will become empowered and will regain your voice. Over time, you will begin to find humor in the communication style that once left you on your knees begging for mercy.

This may very well be my favorite book of all – because it shows you how to take your power back. It teaches you how to see through the lies, projection, attacks and bullshit. Always open to feedback and you can find me on Facebook!

Love, light and lemonade power!  Tina

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“Like” One Mom’s Battle on Facebook or “follow” on Twitter.

The Lemonade Club, Tina Swithin’s private forum is now live! Seeking a place to share, connect and find help during your custody battle with a narcissist?  TLC is the answer and is now accepting applications – the group will be limited to the first 250 approved applicants.

Seeking insight, encouragement and advice while divorcing a narcissist? Tina Swithin’s books, Divorcing a Narcissist: One Mom’s Battle” and her new book “Divorcing a Narcissist: Advice from the Battlefield” are available on Amazon or through Barnes & Noble. Learn how to set boundaries, navigate your way through the divorce and see the narcissist for who he/she really is. You will learn to forgive yourself and you will begin to heal. 

Seeking a Divorce Coach to guide you through your custody battle? Visit Tina Swithin’s website or her personal Facebook page where she shares daily inspiration and gratitude.

The Narc Decoder: Ficus on your Husband (A Classic Email from Seth)

The Narc Decoder: Ficus on your Husband (A Classic Email from Seth)
narc decoderby Tina Swithin
The “Narc Decoder” began as a way to find light in the darkness. In the beginning of my divorce, Seth’s emails would often make me crumble to the ground. As time went on and I got stronger, I began to see right through his attempts to control and intimidate through written communication and the Narc Decoder (patent pending) was born as a way for me to cope with the craziness. Humor is truly the best medicine. A few weeks ago, I sent Seth an email regarding the impending supervised visits and my meeting with minor’s counsel. I had been made aware of the recent police report documenting Seth’s fifth victim since our divorce proceedings began. While this is victim #5, this one was especially troublesome because it occurred during our 3111 custody evaluation.This was Seth’s response to my email and apparently. the police report is a “hypothesis:”
Tina-  First off, I don’t care about your hypothesis.You’re spending child support money to write books no one reads about me.Second, you’re infatuated with me and you need to ficus on your new husband not me. So move on.

Third you’re a narcissist. Your pictures by photographers you hire are all over your little corner of social media and you with your 36 book fans are a pathetic breed. Keep it up with your nonsense while our daughters suffer from your egomania output to get losers to believe it’s okay to cheat on a husband. You will never absolve yourself yourself for your lies and selfishness in your heart.  -Seth

And into the “Narc Decoder” it goes….Snap…Crackle…Pop….Decoded!

Tina – First off, I don’t care that you have an official police report in hand. I am currently trying to concoct a story that will make this entire incident your fault. Everything is your fault in case you weren’t aware. You just sit back and wait to see what kind of story I come up with! I’m sure that you and the girl I was dating were actually in cahoots on this entire thing. Never mind the fact that you are on the west coast and she is on the east coast. I’m positive that this was all a set up and her father was probably the officer who showed up at the hotel to take the report. Now that I think about it, she is probably your third cousin twice removed. YOU set me up and forced the 23 alcoholic beverages that preceded the assault down my throat from 3,000 miles away….and you thought that you were going to get away with this! HA!

I am sure that if I keep mentioning child support money, people will believe that I pay you every month. Who cares about that measly $40,812.36 in arrears! Do you know that it eats at me that you’ve written books that tell the truth about me. I checked your Amazon reviews for the 93rd time today and you had a new review! You are now up to 265 reviews and both books are holding at 5-stars. I HATE that you are successful because it goes against everything I’ve ever told you! I hate that so many people know the truth about me.

Second, I am infatuated with myself. Why aren’t you infatuated with me…didn’t you hear all of the great things my mom said about me? Why won’t you listen, dammit!? By the way, I don’t want you to orchid or fern on your new husband. I want you to ficus on him. Wait..I never misspelled anything or made any mistakes prior to meeting YOU. Your white trash upbringing has affected my spelling. I knew it! See what you’ve done! I wrote “ficus” instead of “focus” and its all your fault. Move on and stop making me make mistakes. (Note from Tina: credit to Laura in Southern California for the ficus humor!)

Third, I’m a narcissist. Wait…I think I am actually a sociopath but I know that is a big word for you. By the way, the pictures you use of your coaching website prove that you are a narcissist also. It is very clear that in an effort to save money, you used your wedding photos versus having new photos taken…who was your photographer, by the way? I am in need of some new photos for my dating profiles. I am hoping for the “Fortune 500” look which will go right along with what I am telling women. Did I mention that the people who read your books and blog are right up my alley?…an entire group of kind, loving, empathetic women. Do you have any of their phone numbers? I am actually on the hunt for my next victim and I love people with the qualities that I lack. I would appreciate it greatly if you would STOP educating the masses. You are eating up my dating pool every single day. By the way. I am still telling people that you cheated on me even though we both know that’s the furthest thing from the truth. Someone will eventually believe it. Won’t they? Will you just say you did because it would sure help my victim story. Please? -Seth

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“Like” One Mom’s Battle on Facebook or “follow” on Twitter.

Seeking a Private Forum for advice, inspiration and support? Join Tina and the Lemonade Warriors in The Lemonade Club!  For information, please email Tina@onemomsbattle.com

Seeking a Divorce Coach for your high-conflict divorce and custody battle? Tina Swithin will help you to establish boundaries and regain your power. Contact Tina Swithin at Tina Swithin, LLC

Seeking insight, encouragement and advice while divorcing a narcissist? Tina Swithin’s books, Divorcing a Narcissist: One Mom’s Battle” and her new book “Divorcing a Narcissist: Advice from the Battlefield” are available on Amazon or through Barnes & Noble. Learn how to set boundaries, navigate your way through the divorce and see the narcissist for who he/she really is. You will learn to forgive yourself and you will begin to heal.

Divorcing a Narcissist: Seth is Back (Part 2- Narc Decoder)

Divorcing a Narcissist: Seth is Back (Part 2- Narc Decoder)

narc decoderby Tina Swithin

(Continued from Part 1)

My email to Seth after I got off the phone with Elena from the supervision company:

Seth- I received a call today from Elena regarding your request to set up supervised visits. Since it has been over a year since you’ve seen the girls, my attorney advised that the initial visits take place in a therapeutic environment.  Moving forward, I did let Elena know that the visits were ordered to take place with ABC Supervision Services or with Jane Smith who is a local therapist. I think there was also a clause about a mutually agreed upon professional supervisor as well which I will look into further and verify.  -Tina

After locating the court order and speaking to the therapist, I followed up with this:

Seth- To follow-up on my previous email, I did verify that the court order lists Jane Smith as an approved supervisor. Since Jane is a MFT, I would prefer that we utilize her services for re-unification therapy/supervised visits. I called and spoke to her this afternoon and here is the information to get started:

Jane will speak to Piper’s therapist and then she will meet with the girls and I. After that, she will schedule a time to meet with you individually and after that, she will meet with you and the girls together.  Her rate is $100/hour and she can be reached at 805-555-5555. I will wait to receive confirmation from you before meeting with Jane however, I will sign the waiver with Piper’s therapist at the next visit to get things started on our end.  – Tina  

Seth’s response to me:

Tina- The (court) recommendation was for (NPD) Supervision Services and they never returned my emails and the voicemail doesn’t accept messages for over a year.  I called her multiple times last year when this first started and received 0 replies.  I have been trying ever since April.  I finally looked up the National Registry of approved Supervisors.

Elena is an approved supervisor. There is no way I will go to someone you have a previous relationship with as you did with the woman form the Women’s Shelter with whom you feigned an abuse issue 4+ years ago to gain her favor. I don’t see anywhere where the person you are stating is recommended.

Furthermore, the damage you have caused by using our divorce and the court system to profit from not one but two books now is unconscionable.  I purposely removed myself from all of your world because I know you were using the court system to get chapters for your first book.

Using child support money to follow me around with private investigators and going to the extreme of hiring young girls to follow me around where I live is disturbing on levels of stalking.  I believe that you are not using the child support money in the proper manner to provide and care for the girls but rather pay private investigators to follow me when I am on my own time.

Why are you still so obsessed with me 5 years after I divorced you?  Let me live my own life and move on.  Later, Seth

Don’t fail me now, Narc Decoder!  I carefully place Seth’s email in the Narc Decoder and Snap! Crackle! Pop! Decoded!

Tina- It’s been a full year since I’ve seen the girls and in that time, I’ve accidentally drunk-dialed the supervision service multiple times however, I have never once attempted to contact them while sober. Recently, my mom came to visit for the summer and put pressure on me to impress the family with my superb parenting skills. To make my mom happy I have finally decided to reach out and touch someone….you know, those people who were appointed to supervise me.

Have I mentioned that my ego can’t handle the thought of supervision but I am willing to do anything to please my mom? I probably won’t really follow through — I will take the first steps and then tell her how mean you are and that you are preventing me from seeing my possessions…errrr….I mean, MY daughters. I wrote in the email that I have been trying to contact the company since April but you and I both know that’s B.S. I just like writing things like that in case the court gets a wild hair and decides to believe anything I say!  It’s worth a shot, right? Right? You know I’m right…I’m always right!      

Elena is an approved supervisor and since I spoke with her first, I am confident that I can sell her on how evil you are…and how I’ve been wronged. There is no way I will go to someone that you have a previous relationship with because you told them the truth and you know how much I hate being exposed. I don’t see anywhere in the court docs that says the person you are suggested is recommended (I’m covering my eyes, haha!) because am choosing to twist reality to suite my agenda and needs. That shouldn’t be news to you….I love twisting reality.  

Furthermore (“Furthermore” is one of my favorite words because it makes me sound in control and smart), the damage you have caused by telling the truth about our divorce to profit from not one but two books now is unconscionable (I should probably get a thesaurus….I know I use “unconscionable” in every email).  I purposely removed myself from your world because the Commissioner and Evaluator saw through me and I could not handle it. Damn you for telling people the truth again! 

I hate the fact that you can survive financially without me. It goes against everything I’ve ever told you and pisses me off. I know that I recently got fired from yet another job and no longer pay child support. I know that my arrears is over $40,000 and I hate that you have become self-sufficient. I hate it. I hate it! I remember back in the good old days when my frequent terminations would make you cry and scramble to figure out how to buy groceries. Gosh, I sure miss those days!  

It infuriates me that you’ve used a private investigator to show my true colors. Being followed has made me so incredibly paranoid that I now think young girls are following me. They are everywhere! Blondes, brunettes, red heads! I also believe that you are not using the child support money that I no longer pay you to properly care for the girls. I firmly believe that you are obsessed with me — you are, aren’t you? Everyone else is….you are, right?!  Let me live my own life, free of rules and court orders and we’ll all be happy.  

PS Isn’t it ironic that I spent so many years correcting your grammar and mine is horrendous? Let me figure out a way to blame you for my grammatical errors and I will get back to you. I’m sure your stupidity rubbed off on me during our marriage.   -Seth 

“Like” One Mom’s Battle on Facebook or “follow” on Twitter.

Seeking a Private Forum for advice, inspiration and support? Join Tina and the Lemonade Warriors in The Lemonade Club!  For information, please email Tina@onemomsbattle.com

Seeking a Divorce Coach for your high-conflict divorce and custody battle? Contact Tina Swithin at Tina Swithin, LLC

Seeking insight, encouragement and advice while divorcing a narcissist? Tina Swithin’s books, Divorcing a Narcissist: One Mom’s Battle” and her new book “Divorcing a Narcissist: Advice from the Battlefield” are available on Amazon or through Barnes & Noble. Learn how to set boundaries, navigate your way through the divorce and see the narcissist for who he/she really is. You will learn to forgive yourself and you will begin to heal.

The Narc Decoder: Snap, Crackle, Pop! Father’s Day Craziness

The Narc Decoder: Snap, Crackle, Pop! Father’s Day Craziness

narc decoderby Tina Swithin

Why do I waste blog-space on Seth at this point in time? He has been gone from our lives for almost a full year.

Good question.

I am sharing my latest email from him NOT to give him the spotlight but because the Narc Decoder blogs are the most popular. I believe reading the pure craziness helps people to feel less alone. By sharing Seth’s bizarre rants, I am able to teach people who are new to this battle how to communicate and decode the sheer insanity that only a Cluster B person can provide.

I highly encourage you to take your power back. Turn alerts off on your phone if those alerts notify you of an email from your ex. Only open emails when you are centered, focused and in control. I knew that Seth would be emailing due to the Father’s Day weekend. I know he is escalated because my brave 9-year old warrior, Piper, has set boundaries with him. She has refused his calls since April and while in therapy, wrote him a letter straight from her heart. She is hurt and angry. It was eloquent and powerful. I sent him the letter and he of course, took what he wanted from it and refused to accept a quarter ounce of responsibility. Of course, it is all my fault.

Tonight I opened an email from Seth which promptly went into the Narc Decoder.

Tina,

Given that it is Father’s Day this weekend, I would like to see the girls at a place of your choosing for any interval of time. It’s absolutely tragic that (Commissioner) and (Evaluator) decided it was appropriate to oust me completely from Piper and Sarah’s lives because in the company of my parents on 111 degree day I enjoyed a beer.

Every restaurant you go to, you see parents enjoying wine or beer with their children present. You know this is the case and you know you drink wine in front of the children often. It is absolutely unusual and unfair punishment not only for me but for the girls that because of this the daughters no longer can have a normal relationship or any with their father.

On another note, I work my ass off to keep my job and my career. It is incumbent upon you to tell the girls that I provide enough money to you to cover rent, food, clothing and activities for my daughters. They do not seem to be aware of this.

You have won with the Commissioner. I used to say, back in 2010, that this divorce process has had almost no emotional effects on Piper and Sarah to people. The girls understood you had boyfriend and I was their Dad. Now it is clear that Piper in particular is going to have severe emotional scars from her loss of her father.

Tina, you grew up with a biological mother who had mental illness. Had your father not taken you tïo California from Illinois, she might have kidnapped you and you may not be alive had he not raised you away from your mother. What we are dealing with here is a very, very different situation. I drink high quality beer or wine as little or as much as my other friends who are parents, professionals and had working people. I do not drink every day. I exercise 2-3 hours every day sometimes 5-6 hours a day.

I am not some evil, monster as you describe me in your blog. I may have been taken by success and wanted to earn more and more money. But, that is my personality, to try to be the best in my field. It is time that you turn the mirror on you and realize that the damage this divorce has caused me has now been magnified on our daughters.

I disagree completely with the Commissioner’s punitive measures against me. I could understand if I smoked pot or did drugs to require supervised visits but he clearly hates me and you know this. Thus, you dragged me in front of him 30 times until he snapped on me permanently. He was sick and tired of seeing us and I do not blame him. This was all you. You constantly harassed me with court hearings in the middle of my work week. You cost me jobs because of this Tina.

All I wanted was to spend one week a month with Piper and Sarah. The custody evaluation buried me. Now, the daughters are in emotional turmoil.

I would really like to see the girls please. Even if we see them at the Children’s Museum and you’re there. I don’t really care. I just want to see them. 

Thank you for your consideration, Seth

As Seth’s email comes out of the Narc Decoder, I hear, “Snap. Crackle. Pop.” Yawn. Silly narcissist. You have zero effect on me anymore.

Here is the decoder version of Seth’s email:

Tina,

Given that it is Father’s Day, I feel entitled to see MY daughters. MY possessions. You know, the ones that I haven’t seen in 11 months? Seeing them on Father’s Day would certainly boost my ego and I would be able to report back to my mommy that I am a good son who cares so much about my children. Using phrases like, “intervals of time” makes me feel important. Do I sound important to you?

I think it’s completely tragic that the court saw through me. How dare they have an issue with the fact that I drank alcohol against court orders in a bar with MY possessions. Tragic. It was premium beer for God’s sake. I should receive some slack for the fact that I don’t drink the same beer that lower life forms consume. It was PREMIUM beer, Tina. Can you grab me a beer while I sit here and project my alcohol issues on you? I know you drink wine and I don’t think it’s fair that you don’t have DUIs, Drunk in Publics and Wet n Reckless charges on your record. You probably do…you probably slept with the police officers to get away with it all!  Damn you!

I am going to ignore the fact that in addition to the violation of court orders, there was a 43-page report that could make Cyndi Lauper bust into song…”I see your true colors shining through….your true colors…..”

Can you please make the girls aware of the child support that I pay? Have them send me a thank you card in the morning because they would not be able to enjoy cereal if it weren’t for me. You are all so ungrateful. Everything you have is technically mine. Did you know that? You should send me a thank you card also.

I saw the letter Piper wrote. Since when has she been allowed to set boundaries and express feelings? That’s just weird. Make her stop immediately.

This is the part where I remind you of your dysfunctional childhood. I do this in an effort to make you feel bad and in turn, make myself feel better. Do you feel bad? Is it working?  Did I mention that I drink high-quality beer?  I do so there!

I am the evil monster that you portray me to be in your blog. How dare you tell the truth about me. It literally eats me alive. Can you please turn the mirror on yourself and realize what you have done? Enough already! Give me the mirror back so I can see myself again!

I disagree with the measures the court took to hold me accountable for my behavior. How dare they do this to me! I don’t do drugs. I drink premium beer. I am not a looser. My mom said I was perfect. This was all your fault for telling them the truth about me. I believe the distorted version of reality that I have spun in my head and so should you. So should the courts. You constantly held me accountable for my behavior. How dare you!

Now that I am finished telling you what a cold, evil person you are, can we just put this all behind us and forget the 4 year custody battle? I’d love for you to violate court orders this weekend by bringing the girls to the museum so that I can pretend to be a dad on Father’s Day. Sound good to you?  Thank you for your consideration – Seth

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“Like” One Mom’s Battle on Facebook or “follow” on Twitter.

Seeking a Private Forum for advice, inspiration and support? Join Tina and the Lemonade Warriors in The Lemonade Club!  For information, please email Tina@onemomsbattle.com

Seeking a Divorce Coach for your high-conflict divorce and custody battle? Contact Tina Swithin at Tina Swithin, LLC

Seeking insight, encouragement and advice while divorcing a narcissist? Tina Swithin’s books, Divorcing a Narcissist: One Mom’s Battle” and her new book “Divorcing a Narcissist: Advice from the Battlefield” are available on Amazon or through Barnes & Noble. Learn how to set boundaries, navigate your way through the divorce and see the narcissist for who he/she really is. You will learn to forgive yourself and you will begin to heal.

Divorcing a Narcissist: Reclaiming your Power with the Narc Decoder

Divorcing a Narcissist: Reclaiming your Power with the Narc Decoder

Narc decoderby Tina Swithin

I find myself being a bit overprotective when it comes to the men and women on One Mom’s Battle. It angers me to see the control that the dirty, demented narcissists have (or think they have) over their ex-husbands or ex-wives. It reminds me of the Trix commercial, “Silly rabbit! Trix are for kids!” — Silly narcissist, we’re SO much smarter than you.

Someone sent us a message and asked that we process it through the Narc Decoder. I laughed when I saw the message because it could have been written by Seth himself. Here is the email:

I wish I had a mirror to have you see how you come across in your presentation. Maybe there would be a slim possibility you could see how angry, inflexible, demanding a person that you are. Why would anybody want to work anything out with you! You do not know the first thing about being accomodating, understanding, or professional for any matters. So you run to your attorney to find solutions. Besides, the selfishness that is your true self. All you know to do is fight, fight, fight. How very sad because one day it will have an effect on your existence if you keep it up. Find a better way to channel your anger that life is not fair for you or you may face the consequences.

Soon there will be no need to consider “the Family Wizard” for communication because I will rarely have any contact with you except to discuss logistics. So it is totally off the table. Period.

I, too, have plans for myself and our daughter, so you are not privileged in setting what weekend day we do the exchange. In fact, as I said before, I gave you 18 months of many episodes of flexibility and that will not be easy to get anymore. You cannot make Sundays a unilateral condition for hours that were decided by my employer, speaking of being unilateral. Life does not care what you think!

I will not waste anymore of my valuable time today with your expressions of whining and discontent.”

 

I went out in the garage and searched for the Narc Decoder. It’s been a while since I’ve had to use it because we haven’t heard much from Seth since court in July. Sure enough, it was a bit dusty but as I entered the above email, I heard the normal “snap, crackle, pop” of the Narc Decoder hard at work. Within moments, out popped a completely deciphered email:

“I wish I had a mirror right now so that I could see myself. I could spend hours staring into my own eyes. Have I told you lately how angry I am at the loss of power since our marriage ended? Yes, I’m angry, inflexible and demanding and all of those feelings have escalated tremendously since I can no longer control you. Damn you. I refuse to compromise or work anything out with you- it’s my way or the highway. Didn’t you read the fine print on the pre-nup? I do not know the first thing about being accommodating, understanding or professional but instead of taking ownership for my own shortcomings; I am going to project my faults on to you. Heck, it’s always worked in the past.

I hate that you have an attorney to turn to for advice- why can’t you just let me continue to control and manipulate you?! It’s quite infuriating. I love to fight, fight, fight. This constant drama feeds me because I know that it affects you. I LOVE to affect you. Speaking of love, did you know that I am actually incapable of that? Thank God I am so manipulative because I am able to fool women just like I fooled you. Have you seen my mirror lately? Aren’t you supposed to keep track of my things?

Our Family Wizard? Are you joking? Do you really think that I want my words and actions to be monitored? Ha! I want access to you by all means possible- text, phone, email, in person and while shouting from the rooftops. You want ME to agree to something that YOU think is a good idea? Ha! Did I mention that I am a control freak and a program like that would not work well for me? The only way that I will agree to use that program is if it somehow becomes my idea. I will be sure to request that YOU be required to use it while we are in front of the Judge because it will play into my claim that you are harassing me and that the program will put an end to your persistent abuse. By the way, have you ever heard of a program called, “Our Family Wizard?” I happen to find it online yesterday and I think we should begin to use it. I am tired of the constant harassment from you.

You want me to be flexible on times for visitation. I’m sorry but that is a one-way street. You must adhere to the court order word for word however, I will let you know when I need you to bend.  Oh, by the way, next weekend doesn’t work well for me as I have a lunch date. I’ll need you to take our daughter for a few extra hours.

Have I mentioned how valuable my time is? I should get paid to just be awake and breathing. Now that I’ve thoroughly fed my sick, deranged ego, I am going to sit here and gloat knowing that you are on the receiving end of my latest attack. I’m going to envision you breaking down crying because that is like a high to me.”

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“Like” One Mom’s Battle on Facebook or “follow” on Twitter

Seeking insight, encouragement and advice while divorcing a narcissist? Tina Swithin’s book, Divorcing a Narcissist- One Mom’s Battle” is available on Amazon or through Barnes & Noble. Learn how to set boundaries and see the narcissist for who he/she really is. You will learn to forgive yourself and you will begin to heal.

Divorcing a Narcissist: Supervised Visits and the Narc Decoder

Divorcing a Narcissist: Supervised Visits and the Narc Decoder

brokenby Tina Swithin

On July 10th, the Family Court System did it’s job: they acted in the best interest of my children. It took four long years of documenting, sleepless nights, harassment and abuse but they finally got it right.

When I heard the Commissioner say, “Final custody orders: Supervised Visits,” I immediately knew that Seth would never comply. His ego can’t handle being supervised. He can’t handle the fact that people who are “beneath him” would know his true colors. As the Commissioner handed down the orders for supervised visits, he also added that the agency in charge of supervising Seth would have full access to the confidential custody evaluation. This meant that Seth had no chance in hell of manipulating the supervising agency because they would know every mind boggling detail about his world and what he has done to my daughters.

It’s been 5 1/2 weeks and he hasn’t bothered to set up visits. I predicted this from the moment we left court.

Phone Calls: Previously, there was a court order in place for phone calls every other night. Seth stuck to this order whenever court dates were approaching however, his normal pattern of calling was every 5 to 7 days. The new custody orders did not mention phone calls at all and according to my attorney, the new order overrode all previous orders. Within days of court, the phone calls began…not 5-7 days apart but every. single. night. Sometimes, two or three times per night. He lost control and is unable to cope.

I bought the girls a cell phone specifically for phone calls to/from Seth because I was tired of him calling my phone multiple times each night. He began calling the girls’ cell phone and they refused to answer. Piper started pushing “ignore” in the beginning and now, she has turned the phone onto “silent mode” because she simply does not want to talk to him. They no longer have to bear his wrath on the weekends and they are feeling empowered. Acting upon the advice of my attorney, I was told to facilitate some type of phone contact between Seth and the girls so I approached Piper and Sarah with a proposal of once-per-week phone calls -they agreed.

Seth is unable to cope with the loss of control and began sending me harassing texts such as the one below:

I am calling every other day to talk to my daughters as the court order states. That’s my right as their father Ms. Blogger Queen. Oh my Lupus Queen as you lied to the courts about having MS.

When processed through the Narc Decoder, this is what Seth’s text message means:

“I am mentally spiraling out of control and can not handle the loss of power that I am currently experiencing. For this reason, I am repeatedly calling to gain a morsel of control over the three of you.

I am so ANGRY that your blog has become successful and that you’ve continued to excel in life. I spent so many years trying to break you down- how dare you rebuild your life and your self esteem!

I know that a Harvard educated doctor and the lead Doctor at an MS facility have both diagnosed you with Multiple Sclerosis however, I prefer the diagnosis of Lupus because while doing Google searches, I found that psychosis is a symptom of Lupus. That diagnosis allows me to project my own psychosis onto you. I continuously throw this little diagnosis into emails and text messages because I remember how upset it made you back in 2011 when I first brought it up. Obviously, that was before you understood Cluster B personality disorders. I am so frustrated that I am no longer able to get you riled up. How DARE YOU see through me and my 6-year old mind games.”

Seth’s phone is now blocked and he cannot call nor can he send text messages to my phone. The girls have their own phone and they are welcomed to call their father anytime the choose. They are also in control of when they answer their phone.

They are finally empowered.

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Divorcing a Narcissist: Pulling out the Trusty Narc Decoder

Divorcing a Narcissist: Pulling out the Trusty Narc Decoder

decoderFor the most part, my communication with Seth has been non-existent over the past few months.  He emails if he plans to exercise his visitation and I then notate his emails in “Our Family Wizard” which he has refused to use since January. I have been sending childcare and medical bills to the address that is on file with the courts as required for two years yet he has never acknowledged them or responded.  At this point, the bills for the past two years are approaching $10,000 and that doesn’t include childcare for this summer.

I sent Seth an email recently outlining the costs and asking for his assistance. I didn’t expect his assistance however, I need to show the courts that I attempt to communicate with him and that he is very aware of these obligations.  As expected, I received an email which prompted me to pull out my trusty Narc Decoder.  If you are new to my blog, you can find out more about the Narc Decoder by clicking here: Huffington Post: Narc Decoder.

I promptly printed out Seth’s email and dusted off the Narc Decoder.  As I entered the printed email, I promptly heard the all-to-familiar, “snap, crackle, pop” and realized that the emails are as painful to the machine as they are to me!

Seth’s original email:

Tina- I volunteered to have time with our daughters up to Two Weeks every month.

You refused to even let me have an exchange weekend with the girls.

You further have claimed you make (low wages) and work part time so you can pick the girls up from school at your leisure.  Your facts remain inconsistent with someone earning income below the US poverty level.  Best regards, Seth

Decoded:

Tina-

You and I both know that having the girls for two weeks out of every month would greatly reduce the child support that I am ordered to pay each month. Since I don’t pay it anyway, this is obviously a moot point.  The courts revoked my overnight visits in 2011 yet I am still trying to convince them that I am qualified for 50/50 custody- as you can tell by my email, I am clearly delusional and live in a fantasy world.

Since I have failed to show up for 38% of my already limited visits in 2013, we both know that I would be laughed out of court if I asked for two weeks out of every month.  Currently, I can’t even be depended on for five daytime visits per month!

How dare you refuse to switch weekends with me when I have parties or other social functions (ie drinking) to attend to on my scheduled days!  Did you not get the memo that your life should revolve around mine?! I am angry that you have set boundaries and refuse to bend when I make a demand.

I know how unstable I look to the courts when I can’t hold a job more than 4 months at a time. Because of this, I am going to pick apart the career that you’ve managed to maintain and excel in during the four year roller coaster that I’ve put you on. Because I am still consumed by (my lack of) money, power and prestige, I am going to attack your world which I am extremely jealous of.  Basically, I am the playground bully that never matured past the emotional age of six years old.

Best regards, Seth

To read previous emails that have been through the Narc Decoder, click one of the links below:

Please Deliver my Daughters – Decoded by the Narc Decoder

Another Email for the Narc Decoder

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Click the link to purchase Tina’s new book, “Divorcing a Narcissist- One Mom’s Battle.”  You will find insight, red flag reflections and strategies on how to survive (and thrive!) while divorcing of co-parenting with a narcissist. Tired of panicking at the site of a new email from the narcissist in your inbox? Learn how to decode the emails and see them for what they are. You will learn to forgive yourself and you will begin to heal.

Divorcing a Narcissist: Another Email for the Narc Decoder

Divorcing a Narcissist: Another Email for the Narc Decoder

Some weeks, you just have to roll with the punches and this has been one of those weeks.

There is a feature on my gmail account called, “Translate text” and I keep clicking it to no avail.  It’s been a while since I’ve received a crazy, rambling email from my x and I find it unbelievable that he actually cc’d my daughters’ attorney on this one.

For those who are new to my blog and new to the world of Narcissism, I like to “process” his emails and text messages through something called the “Narc Decoder”.  Picture a strange metal device constructed in my garage.  The Narc Decoder is patent pending and currently being tested on Charlie Sheen and a few other hand-selected individuals (gotta keep my sense of humor).  Anyway, the Narc Decoder helps me to understand what he is really saying because as we all know, their communication style is crazy-making.

He emailed yesterday to confirm that he was exercising visitation with the girls.  I responded and asked that he meet me in a public location (police station or coffee shop) because I do not feel comfortable at his family’s property.  Despite his father’s glowing declaration in which he touts his long career in local education, the man is not qualified to act as a neutral third party and he makes me extremely uncomfortable.  Instead of a simple, “yes or no” response to my suggestion, this is what I received:

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Tina- My Dad educated over 8000 students in his career. Neither my father, (brother) nor I have ever committed any act of harm towards any woman ever.  We do not like you anymore this is true, but we are not going to do anything to any woman ever to hurt them.  It’s just delusional that you have such a fear.

  • Narc Decoder: I have not ‘yet’ created an act of harm to a woman but I am starting to worry about the declarations from three different women who have stepped up to testify that they live in (or have lived in) fear about my actions and instability relating to stalking and passive aggressive threats.

You are creating in your mind a story line to fuel your little blog Tina. I don’t care about your blog.  It’s actually funny to me at this point. You attach (minor’s counsel) when he doesn’t want to meet with you. You attack (the Commissioner)  on it. You attack the Superior Court for not believing your exaggerations.  Where does all this hatred and vengeance come from Tina?

  • Narc Decoder: I am obsessed with your blog which is why I mention it to anyone who will listen and include references to it in each and every court document.

 I just want a normal, healthy relationships with my daughters free of your micro-management of every minute that I am with my daughters.   Your continuous attacks on my character and every member in my family need to stop.

  • Narc Decoder: I am incapable of a normal, healthy relationship of any kind and we both know that.  I don’t like court orders or following rules.  By you telling the truth about my family, we are no longer able to hide our long-held family secrets and dysfunctions.

You are seriously jeopardizing my job at this point. You’ve had me in court, middle of the week 220 miles from my job responsibilities 12+ times this year.  Let alone the amount of time I must waste to respond to your hearings that you file with 2-3 days notice.  I should be 120% to plan making money and moving on in my carreer not devoting 3 days of every work week well responding to your opinions, lies and exaggerations, which you do in every declaration, more and more frequently.   

  • Narc Decoder: How dare you hold me accountable for my actions when I am with my daughters.  They are my possessions and I should be allowed to do anything I please sans authority or repercussions.

If I lose this job, because court is always in the middle of the work week, I will be unable to get another job in this industry.  I will be unemployed and you will not get any money except a small portion of unemployment. You make money, whey don’t you just be happy and get on with your life.  It is time you call it quits.  This is about two innocent children.  You have conducted a severe level of Parental Alienation Syndrome and the damage is apparent but will grow more severe as the children reach teenage years.  Do you really want to be in court all of the time when the girls are 3, 5 10 years older Tina?!?

  • Narc Decoder: I am about to loose my job because they are already starting to see through me. It’s been about four months and that is the life cycle of each job that I get.  I need someone to blame for my loss of employment so that my parents will still believe that I am perfect.

(Youngest daughter) wetting her bed in on you Tina.  She never wet her bed in 2011 when she was with me overnight.  I’d wake her up to potty at 11:30 PM or so and she’d be fine until the morning.  Her having nightmares is on your conscience.  You have caused this Tina. 

These children need to know they have two loving parents.  They need to have a relationship with me their father.  They can call (fiancé) their step-dad but the pressure you put on them to accept him as their dad is causing them to have severe emotional strain and anxiety.  They want me to be their dad Tina. 

I am sorry I sold all the furniture back in 2009. But you had no income.  The family needed any available money to fund your home and my living in two places for the sake of the girls.  You’ll remember you went bankrupt and did not work for 8 more months.

  • Narc Decoder: I am trying to keep my stories straight.  I sold the furniture or I hid the furniture while you were out of town?  Which is the last version of the story that I told?  I can’t remember.  I need to twist the bankruptcy story around so that I have no responsibility for the fact that I ran up almost 1.7 million dollars which included spending my parent’s retirement behind their backs to support my need for a lavish lifestyle.  I am going to blame you for the bankruptcy and remember that time you were out of work for three months?  I am going to add five months to the real number because it sounds better in my head.

Since we have had the exchange at (his family’s house), I have had at least one person present as a witness, either (his brother’s Thai bride) or (x’s father).  I have previously thought about having the exchange at the Police Department.  The problem is this is scary setting potentially for the children. There is no reason for it.  You think after your dragging me to court for three years over nonsense and exaggerations, I would risk yelling at you or harming you, it’s just preposterous Tina. I am not going to do anything to hurt you.  Nor would I say anything to you in the presence of the children you could use against me in court.

 Go on in your life with (fiancé).  I am pleading with you to leave me alone.  Years from now, the girls will be emotionally scarred and damaged by what you’ve done in this divorce.  I think that they’re perception of having an exchange at a Police Department, which is completely unnecessary, will weigh on them as uncomfortable and cause increased anxiety.  When I was a kid Police made me nervous.

  • Narc Decoder: Due to my handful of run-ins with law enforcement, police make me nervous and caused increased anxiety.  Let’s agree to meet away from them.

I would be willing to consider an exchange at the children museum.  Or maybe at the downtown park in the square.  How about that Tina?  I am truly sorry you feel like I hurt you so badly by falling out of love with you back in 2007, but I did. I am sorry I felt compelled to sell all the furniture, but we were broke and you were unemployed and it was prior to my filing for divorce.  I will compromise and agree to the children museum or the park.  Will that work for you? The x

  • Narc Decoder: My ego is so big that I have to believe that our break-up had nothing to do with the fact that you saw my true colors and fell out of love with me.  I’m going to re-create the story in my own mind (and believe it!).  I hope you don’t catch on to the fact that the story changes every so often.  Last week the demise of our marriage was because you cheated on me with 4 different men in four months.  This week it is because I fell out of love with you!  Keep up, would ya?!

###

My response:

Would you like some cream and sugar with your large cup of insanity?  -Tina

Just kidding.  That’s what I felt like saying.

My real response- short and sweet…no engagement:

I will see you at the Children’s Museum on Saturday and Sunday at 11am.  I will plan to pick up the girls at the same location at 5pm on both days. 

 

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Handout for Mental Health Professionals by Rebecca Davis Merritt, Ph.D.

Handout for Mental Health Professionals by Rebecca Davis Merritt, Ph.D.

 

One Mom’s Battle Handout for Therapists by Rebecca Davis Merritt, Ph.D.

To download this as a printable handout, click here )

Why were you Given this Handout?

If you are a therapist or psychologist and your client or client’s parent has given you this handout, it means that they believe the other parent has a Cluster B personality disorder which negatively affects the child(ren) you are treating. Of course, if that other parent is not your client, you have no way to assess or diagnose whether they are, in fact, antisocial, narcissistic, borderline, or histrionic. Erring on the side of caution, it can be useful to raise and test hypotheses about such a possibility because the way you best help a minor client is different when a parent consistently shows impaired empathy and limited impulse control with their offspring.

Who Authored this Handout?

I, Rebecca Davis Merritt, am a retired academic clinical psychologist who supervised clinical psychology pre-doctoral students in a Cluster B specialty clinic and who now serves as president of One Mom’s Battle, a 501(c)3 non-profit organization that helps parents of both genders mired in high-conflict family court cases. Most drawn out, complicated, hostile, high-conflict family court cases have a common denominator; a parent with a Cluster B personality disorder. Though these parents profess to love their children immensely and thrive in their court performances, claiming they would do anything to help the children, closer examination usually illuminates a parent engaging in emotional abuse, power plays and controlling behavior. They are simultaneously robbing their children of financial security through unnecessary, continuous court hearings and failure to meet court ordered financial obligations like child support. Even worse, these parents manipulate their own children to meet their own emotional needs while ignoring the children’s emotional requirements and well-being.

Why Does it Matter if I Label a Parent Cluster B?

Therapists are often unaware that the smiling, charming, socially-at-ease parent may be a chameleon who outside the therapy context is threatening the child with what family secrets must never be revealed, encouraging the children to distrust the therapist, or punishing the child if s/he communicates honestly in sessions. This type of parent insidiously blocks true treatment gains with goal of ending any treatment which threatens to expose their true nature and manipulatively (and often successfully) casts negative impressions of healthy parent.

The child and healthy parent live in fear (domestic violence by proxy) wanting to reach out to the therapist for help but fearing the repercussions if they do. Will the therapist accuse healthy parent of gatekeeping or Parental Alienation (a term we do not advocate) and see them as the problem (badmouthing the other parent) if therapist believes the charming manipulative parent? Will the unhealthy parent be told of the child’s distress resulting in painful repercussions? Will a “family systems approach” therapist hold child and healthy parent equally responsible for Cluster B’s hurtful words and actions?

Many therapists assume parents love their children and do not wish to emotionally or physically harm them. With Cluster B personality disordered individual involved, one should not start therapy with this assumption. One needs to start therapy, testing the hypothesis about whether the child views both parents as safe and loving, recognizing that most children even in abusive parental relationships, desperately love and want to protect their parents. To do this you need to generate hypothesis testing questions at the beginning stages of therapy but also at stages further along in treatment as frightened children may not disclose initially, but if they come to trust you, may disclose latter in therapy.

Examples of such questions are:

  • Do you feel safe with your mom? Do you feel safe with your dad?
  • Have you ever been bullied?
  • Has your mom ever bullied you?
  • Has your dad ever bullied you?
  • Has anyone ever tried to make you believe something you know is not true?
  • Has anyone asked you to keep secrets you do not want to keep?
  • Has anyone asked you to lie in therapy, not talk about certain topics,or asked you to not tell the whole truth?
  • Have you ever worried you would be seriously harmed or injured bysomething your parent or someone else did?
  • What is the one behavior you wish your dad would stop doing?
  • What is the one behavior you wish your mom would stop doing?
  • What is the one thing you wish your mom would start doing?
  • What is the one thing you wish your dad would start doing?

Knowing your client will allow you to tailor more case specific questions that give you necessary information about the child’s view of each parent and their trustworthiness. Asking basic safety questions is also important (have you been kicked, hit by fists, choked, locked outside, left alone in car for long periods of time, threatened by gun or knife or, do you fear for your life?).

What to do if you suspect Cluster B Parental Pathology and/or Domestic Violence in your Child Client’s Life?

Do your best to create a positive therapeutic environment. Children in these types of environments need safe, consistent and trustworthy adults in their lives. You may never fully realize the positive impact you can have by providing a safe place for child to both vent and learn how to create and maintain healthy boundaries with an unhealthy parent. Teaching such children that they do NOT carry the responsibility of catering to an adult’s emotional needs (and that it is the adult’s responsibility to attend to the child’s emotional and physical needs) is ground-breaking and positive. Helping such children learn to recognize emotional manipulation, set healthy boundaries and refuse to succumb to the manipulations can spare them a lifetime of vulnerability to other emotional vampires. Teaching children that their role is to be a child and not to carry unhealthy parent’s messages back to healthy parent or to you is invaluable. Giving them the voice to say, “I don’t want you to say mean things about mom/dad,” is helping them to set healthy boundaries. Teaching them to know their personal truth and recognize gaslighting so they do not collaborate in questioning their own sanity, memories, and life experiences is vital. If you do not understand gaslighting, please familiarize yourself.

As a therapist, you cannot just tell a child to ignore it or to forgive their abuser. Children have to understand why a parent is lying to them, what the intent of gaslighting is (to control them by making them doubt their perceptions and reality or distrust their healthy parent), and how to safely challenge (in one’s self statements) the gaslighting content. They cannot do this on their own and need for you to recognize gaslighting and give them the tools to fight this brainwashing. You may need to develop a safety plan with your client. Cluster B personality disordered individuals often anticipate who the child(ren) may reach out to and may also gaslight those resources. Safety plans themselves are not always straightforward. In a case that I am familiar with, children begged next door neighbor to call police and their request was refused based upon the tales the unhealthy parent had told them about these young, vulnerable children.

Educate yourself about Cluster B pathology to understand and appreciate that offspring of Cluster B parents experience complex traumatic environments causing reverberating long-term effects unless someone like you helps them better cope and, ideally, intervenes to contain or limit the Cluster B’s impact on the child. The work you are doing is invaluable and it is imperative that you educate yourself thoroughly on Cluster B personality disordered parents.

Two good resources pertaining to adverse events are:

The emotional abuse committed by Cluster B personalities is domestic violence. The consequence of such abuse exerts at least as much harm as actual physical abuse. A skilled and strategically planned intervention in the life of a child who is being negatively affected by a Cluster B personality disordered parent can help that child become resilient while limiting the current and future risk factors. Thus, it is very important that you develop the willingness to hypothesis test when dealing with a minor client caught in a high-conflict custody battle. Do not assume that all parents do their best.

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One Mom’s Battle is a 501(c)3 non-profit organization. Our mission at One Mom’s Battle is to increase awareness of Cluster B personality disorders (Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder) and their impact upon shared parenting and the Family Court System which includes Judges, CPS workers, Guardian ad Litems (GAL), Parenting Coordinators (PC), therapists and attorneys. Education on Cluster B disorders will allow these professionals to truly act in the best interest of the children. Please consider a donation to help with our efforts.

History of One Mom’s Battle: In 2011, One Mom’s Battle began with one mother (Tina Swithin) navigating the choppy waters of a high-conflict divorce in the Family Court System. Since then, it has turned into a grassroots movement reaching the far corners of the Earth with chapter all over the world. In 2014, One Mom’s Battle achieved non-profit status which will allow the group to take their mission to the next level. Tina’s books, Divorcing a Narcissist and The Narc Decoder: Understanding the Language of the Narcissist can be found on Amazon.

Divorcing a Narcissist: Trust Your Instinct

Divorcing a Narcissist: Trust Your Instinct

by Tina Swithin

If there is one thing I want to instil in my daughters, it is to trust your instincts — your inner voice, your gut feelings, your intuition. In the family court system, the judge requires black and white evidence — regardless of how strong our instincts are. We teach our children to keep speaking up when it comes to things that are important — keep talking until someone listens. My story is proof of how important this really is.

Many of you remember Seth’s brother, Robert, from my books. He was one of the biggest components in my child custody case. While I protected his identity in my writing, he has been arrested in what is said to be the largest case of child sex abuse and child pornography in the history of San Luis Obispo County. Due to his own evil, perverse actions, his identity is now splashed across the front pages of my local newspapers . The reality was, my concerns about Robert (Jason Robert Porter) started way before my custody battle ever began. My concerns about him began before I even had children and once we did have children, my (ex) husband and I remained united in our decision to keep our daughters away from him. We even remained united against Seth’s mother who begged us to come together for family functions so that she could pretend to have a happy, healthy family. Seth never stood up to his mother so I was relieved when he took a firm stance on this topic. We were united in our decision until our custody battle began.

One thing that I have learned from divorcing a narcissist (Cluster B disordered individual) is that the battle has nothing to do with what is best for the children. A custody battle with a narcissist is fueled by a desire to win at all costs. The loss of control when the marriage ends causes the narcissist to grab the nearest weapon (the children) in an effort to maintain or regain control. In my case, Seth knew that the way to really hurt me was to bring my daughters around his brother. Seth and his parents became a united team in their fight to allow my daughters to be around Jason Porter. They successfully trumped my concerns in a child custody evaluation through Family Court Services. Then, they submitted multiple declarations stating that Jason was a “changed man” — they wanted to allow him full access to my children. My plea to the court was so strong that they appointed minor’s counsel who also dismissed my concerns. I voiced my concerns about Jason making out with a 14-year old when he was in his 30’s. I voiced my concerns about his inappropriate behavior in Thailand. I voiced my concerns about him threatening to rape and murder women, his obsession with convicted killer, Rex Allen Krebs along with his history of suicidal and homicidal statements.

No one would listen to me.

Last June, Jason was arrested for photographing and molesting a young girl. He was rearrested weeks later when the investigation revealed the depth of abuse that had allegedly occurred.

After two days of testimony this week in his preliminary hearing, the judge upheld all 32 charges against him. The details of this case are so horrific that the media can’t even scratch the surface of how sick and evil this man truly is.

When you divorce a narcissist, you are forced into a battle with their entire family. The writing was all over the walls in this case for years- I continued to speak up and was failed at every turn. During my marriage to Seth, his parents put on their rose-colored glasses and refused to listen to my concerns. I made a decision to distance myself and my children from Jason Porter during my marriage and it caused major waves within the family. I listened to my gut and I held firm in my stance. In court, I was painted as irrational and bitter — these accusations were the furthest thing from the truth. I hope and pray that my story and this case are a wake-up call for the family court system.

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One Mom’s Battle is a 501(c)3 non-profit organization. Our mission at One Mom’s Battle is to increase awareness of Cluster B personality disorders (Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder) and their impact upon shared parenting and the Family Court System which includes Judges, CPS workers, Guardian ad Litems (GAL), Parenting Coordinators (PC), therapists and attorneys. Education on Cluster B disorders will allow these professionals to truly act in the best interest of the children. Please consider a donation to help with our efforts.

History of One Mom’s Battle: In 2011, One Mom’s Battle began with one mother (Tina Swithin) navigating the choppy waters of a high-conflict divorce in the Family Court System. Since then, it has turned into a grassroots movement reaching the far corners of the Earth with chapter all over the world. In 2014, One Mom’s Battle achieved non-profit status which will allow the group to take their mission to the next level. Tina’s books, Divorcing a Narcissist and The Narc Decoder: Understanding the Language of the Narcissist can be found on Amazon.