This particular week has always been a difficult week for me. This week is Mother’s Day and it’s the week of my mother’s birthday. As a child, Mother’s Day was a reminder that my mom wasn’t mentally healthy enough to be my mom. Each year, I hoped that things would change and that she would be a part of my life. Each year that passed, I lost more and more hope. My mom never became a part of my life and she died twelve years ago.
Last month I went to a hypnotist to deal with my fear of public speaking. I have to admit that while I have a pretty open mind, I was a bit skeptical about the thought of being hypnotized. The gentleman that I went to (Harvey) has been teaching and practicing hypnosis for 55 years. Harvey explained that he would be tapping into my subconscious to free any areas of negative self talk or childhood issues that would cause self doubt.
One of the topics that Harvey addressed had to do with my mother. While under hypnosis, I was completely relaxed but aware of everything that was happening. I was remembering things that I had completely forgotten about such as my favorite toy at the age of three! During the session, I expressed sorrow that I never got to say goodbye to my mom. Harvey explained that now was the time to tell my mother anything that I needed to say. With tears streaming down my face, I said, “I love you and I forgive you, mom.” Harvey then told me to say good-bye to my mom and as I choked back tears, I said good-bye. Prior to my hypnosis session, I thought that I had made peace with my mom however, the peace that I experienced during and after that session is difficult to put into words.
Now that I am a mother, Mother’s Day has a new meaning for me. The sorrow that I once had is replaced by joy. With that said, I do not take this day for granted as I did for the first few years of my daughters’ lives. Each week I hear horrific stories about mother’s loosing their children- some have lost custody due to failure in the Family Court System and others have children who are donning angel wings up above. My heart breaks with each story that I hear.
I wanted to stop and send (((hugs))) to all of the mothers who are without their little ones this Mother’s Day. Please know that you all hold a special place in my heart and I will be thinking of you this week.
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