Divorcing a Narcissist: It Takes a Village (Part 1)

Divorcing a Narcissist: It Takes a Village (Part 1)

I am angry.  I am angry that it takes a tragedy to bring awareness and change.  We (myself included) watch the news and gasp at stories like the Susan and Josh Powell case.  These stories cause an emotional rise for us and we are equally shocked and saddened.  These stories prove to be conversation pieces at work, coffee shops and the gym but then we go on with our lives.  Charles (age 7) and Braden (age 5) Powell can’t go on with their lives—the details of their case are horrific and if this story makes you feel uncomfortable then I have accomplished my goal.  As a society, we should feel so incredibly uncomfortable that we begin to take action.

One of the headlines from the Powell case read, “Powell tragedy sparks questions about Child Custody“.  I talk to hundreds of people per month  who question our courts and the laws.  One of my Facebook followers said it best; “the court system sums up the destiny of our children in 20 minutes“.  These cases are pushed through the courts like cattle and children’s lives are decided upon in 10 minutes, 20 minutes or if you are lucky, 30 minutes.  Think about it: it takes twice as long to adopt a puppy from the pound then it does to decide the future of a child.  In the Powell case, the court had information ‘in-hand’ that proved Josh Powell to not only have Narcissistic Personality Disorder but issues with child pornography.  This is a man who murdered his wife yet a judge felt that the children were “safe” to be in his home?

There are people being failed by our family court system everyday—men, women and most importantly, the children.  We, as a society have the power to bring change to the court system.  Bringing change can happen and it’s easier than you think.  As a society, we need to begin by holding Judges, Commissioners and others who work in the Family Court System accountable for their decisions.  We need to call our representatives and bring this issue into the spotlight.  We need to begin writing letters to the very people that we voted into office and let them know about our cases.  We need to begin by writing, “Letters to the Editor” of each and every newspaper in our respected areas.

We need to make our voices heard loud and clear: the Family Court System is FAILING to protect children all over the United States and beyond.

Click Here: Template Letter to Start Writing

Where to write:

  • Write Your U.S. Representative (A service of the House that will assist you by identifying your Congressperson in the U.S. House of Representatives and providing contact information.

U.S. Supreme Court: Contact Information – US Supreme Court

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10 Responses

  1. Oh my God I feel sick. The fact he even had a social worker with him on supervised visits, any of us in this situation would have believed thats about as safe the courts can make the children in this rotten system. His wife was missing for Gods sake and he was a suspect. Do we all have to be dead before they will say we were right. They bemoan the tragedies they should hang their heads in shame. The tragedy is not the deaths of innocents and the torture of thousands that is the result of the TRUE tragedy… the failings of people who have children’s lives in their hands. Why will they not identify and listen and honour the voices of the primary carers, the ones who know the children who care for them day in a day out, surely that voice is the true expert on whats best for them, not the abuser and their hired hacks.

  2. Tina, can a public appeal be made to the Judges? Their must be at least some of them who disagree with the system and would speak out, or attorneys, the ones who are in the system. If some of them would speak out? What about contacting the Judge who made this order and see what they say about these deaths? They have those children’s blood on their hands.

  3. It is probably the sickest story I’ve heard since the Lacy Patterson murder (who’s husband was also a Narcissist).

    However another aspect that is important to note and address is why women choose to have children with these types of people. At the end of the day, WE are responsible for our decision to procreate with someone who is a Narcisisst/Abusive/Borderline/Addict, etc etc. What draws us to do so? Not sure if its a denial thing, or invovles low self-esteem, low self-worth or what. You can’t escape the fact that these horrific custody situations wouldn’t have arisen had WE not chosen our partners more carefully, or perhaps not allowed ourself to be swayed by money, attention, or the need for love.

    That being said, I do relize people change, become different, manipulate, and lie.

    I know my advice to my daughters would be to always use birth control, dont take red flags lightly, and be very very wary of whom you let yourself fall in love with.

  4. As you know, its difficult to explain to anyone who hasn’t fallen for these men. I did not have a low self esteem and in fact, I had just taken a year off from dating, rediscovered myself and was feeling on top of the world. I fell for the person that he pretended to be– someone straight out of a fairytale. I am writing a book right now and I’ve been able to reflect on the first few months, etc. I believe it can happen to anyone– unless you are educated on these men and the signs to look for. I don’t beat myself up for falling for him– I really believed he was who he claimed to be and I don’t think that had anything to do with my childhood, self esteem or anything else along those lines.

  5. I think for me, it was the desire to have the famliy, the child, etc. I had already invested time in the relationship, and pushed the red flags in the back of my mind. I dont regret it b/c obviously we have our beautiful children as a result. But at the same time, I still realize ultimately I made the decision to procreate with this person, so I must accept my part in that.

    HOWEVER, that being said, I feel the solution lies, like you, in educating the court about personality disorders and the emotional abuse that comes with them. In geenral, emotional abuse is a non-entity to courts, and it shouldnt be that way. If emotional abuse was somehow given the same wieght at phsyical/sexual abuse, our children would fare better.

  6. http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/divorce_judge_bias_outrage_geEAMBTv0v9r5CrrlLrimN

    I love your blog. Thank you for telling your story. PLEASE support a group of women fighting against Judge Paul Escandon in NJ who is victimizing women and abusing his power on the bench. Judge Paul Escandon favors wealthy men and assists men in bankrupting their wives. Judge Escandon does not care about the welfare of children. He is a danger and should be taken off the bench. PLEASE write a comment under the NY Post article in support of these women. Thank you so much.

  7. Tina – your blog has inspired so many women to speak up. Thank you for giving women a forum to have a voice and to help faciliate some change in a system that is very broken.

    The Petition


    Please help me regain custody of my three children… who are now living with a violent, two-time felon, confessed killer, mob turncoat, Nicholas “PJ” Pisciotti, who refused the Federal Witness Protection Program after testifying publicly against Bonanno Boss, Vincent Basciano. In a private statement to the judge (my attorney and I were not initially privy to) he stated that he has not been sentenced yet by the Federal Government, and may still be called to testify as a government witness. My children are in danger.

    In 2004, when my youngest was an infant, Pisciotti abandoned the marital home, and became addicted to illegal drugs, particularly steroids. He was arrested in 2005, along with his current live-in girlfriend, Nicole Tozzi, after brutally beating a man into a coma. He had beaten and choked me in front of the children one night prior. Our divorce was final in 2006. In 2007, Pisciotti was arrested again, this time by the FBI, facing 40 years to life in prison for drug trafficking, attempted murder and racketeering. This is when he made a deal.

    In 2009, Pisciotti was released from prison, refused to continue in the Federal Witness Protection Program, believing he is invincible, and began a crusade to destroy me financially after I refused to bring the children to visit him in prison, while in protective custody at an undisclosed location.My children are in danger.

    Pisciotti has waged his war on me with the help of an unethical attorney, Amy Cores, and Judge Paul Escandon. I have been harassed with unrelenting litigations and baseless appeals to render me destitute and defenseless in the system. I attempted to move within the state, as the law permits, to find work and be closer to family, and Escandon unconstitutionally imprisoned me in a house I could no longer afford, after Pisciotti began withholding support while simultaneously using the system to bankrupt me. I expressed my financial distress to Escandon on several occasions, often without an attorney, and instead of enforcing support, he reduced it, contrary to an appellate decision, and two orders from a prior judge. He then substantially increased Pisciotti’s parenting time, ignoring permanent orders just issued by a prior judge and provisions of a civil restraint order.

    I plummetted about $100,000 into debt awaiting an appeal of the unlawful decision, for over a year. I maxed out my credit cards, was indebted to my attorney and others, and was selling personal items, so as not to default on the mortgage. I finally sold my house, my only remaining asset, and rented it back, so that I could rehire my attorney. I was told by many legal experts, and I believed as well, that the Appellate Court would overturn the decision, but it did not. I had tried to find employment for about two years in or around Monmouth County, to no avail, so I moved 37 miles instate, closer to the metropolitain area to find work, pursue a Masters degree and be closer to family, and lost my children as a result. Had I not sold the house and moved when I did, I would still be unemployed and in foreclosure. At the advice of my attorney, I appealed to the Supreme Court of New Jersey, and again was denied, with costs.

    My rights have been violated on three levels of the New Jersey Judicial system. Not only was Judge Escandon’s unconstitutional order upheld, but the Supreme court refused to hear my appeal and ordered me to pay the legal costs of a man who physically abused me, then waged a war on me in Judge Escandon’s courtroom, with impunity, to financially ruin me. The three children I have cared for since birth, were taken from me and ordered to live in a $900,000 house purchased by Pisciotti for his former mistress, while claiming he could not pay child support and alimony. Pisciotti’s entire litigation has been based on fraud and malicious intent, and was not only allowed, but rewarded by the NJ Judicial System. Furthermore, Pisciotti is a resident of New York, has a New York driver’s license, and files taxes in New York.

    Since Escandon was exposed in the NY Post, about fifteen more women have come forward expressing outrage over his abusive illegal rulings, violations of due process rights and failures to adhere to proper court procedure.

    The Judicial System has failed me and my children. My parenting was never an issue, yet my children were taken from me, the one person who has cared for them their entire lives, and the only stability they have ever known, and placed with a dangerous man who was absent most of their lives. Please help me regain rightful custody of my children.

  8. Thank YOU so much– would you mind if I use this as a “guest blog/spotlight” on Friday?

  9. There is a protest scheduled for September 24th 2012 at 9:00 am
    across from Monmouth County Courthouse to speak out against what Judge Paul Escandon is doing to women and children through his illegal rulings on the bench
    Shame on you Judge Lawson for letting Judge Escandon ignore New Jersey Laws and Federal Laws as well. Do your job Judge Lawson.
    We are coming as a large group to speak out in front of the MEDIA and we will be heard. Judge Escandon can not continue to victimize women and set aside the best interest and welfare
    of children for his own political gain.

    Are you taking money Judge Escandon? Are you being paid off? What could possibly be your motivation for your unethical actions on the bench?

    We will have our voices heard.