Divorcing a Narcissist: Painting Bird Houses and Cancelling Visits

Divorcing a Narcissist: Painting Bird Houses and Cancelling Visits

Bird HousesIt was difficult to hold a straight face a few weeks ago when my daughter told me that they did crafts while at their dad’s house. Crafts with their dad? Turns out, it was the day that the custody evaluator was visiting. Seth had them painting bird houses to show the evaluator what a great father he was. This one scores right up there with baking me an apple pie which left me scrambling to find a crime lab for testing!

This weekend (Easter weekend) was supposed to be Seth’s visitation weekend. I had emailed him yesterday about pick up time as we had an Easter egg hunt prior to his visit. I received an email back and Seth cancelled his visit:

Tina- Most regrettably, I exceeded my available funds driving down the last two weekends in a row. The costs average $200-300 depending on where we go to get food. I simply don’t have enough money until the 5th of April. Seth

Step back into reality with me for a second…two weeks ago he took the girls to Taco Bell and since they don’t like Taco Bell, the total cost of their meal was probably less than $4. He only has them from 11am to 5pm so he doesn’t feed them dinner. Last weekend, I packed the girls lunch and enough snacks to last them the entire day as they’ve been claiming that dad has no food in the house, no eating utensils and no plates. Its ironic that he has enough money to drink heavily for the past two weekends in a row which was glaringly obvious by his hangovers at pick-up time.

Seth’s staged apartment is located in the downstairs area of his older brother’s home. There is a private entrance and once inside, you can enter the main portion of the house through several doors.  Seth has a very tumultuous relationship with his father and older brother and the girls have recently stated that they are now bored at dad’s house because they can no longer go into the main portion of the house- they have been locked out.  I am assuming that Seth is banned from the main house due to a fall out with the family. Either that or the agreement for use of the main house was only promised until the parenting evaluation was complete.

I have updated the evaluator on all of the above and look forward to receiving the completed report very soon. It sounds to me like the lure of Spring Break festivities outweighed Seth’s desire to see his daughters at Easter. I am thankful that we now have two weeks of peace.


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10 Responses

  1. So sorry to hear that he has decided yet again to not be a true dedicated & loving parent to the girls & that they are caught in a battle between him & his family. Hoping that all will go well when you receive the report back & hope it will be soon! Stay strong & stay SAFE!!

  2. Since, with huge help from your courage and intelligence, we have become educated on the classic , unbelievably common ploys, I am in eternal disbelief of how intentionally cruel a narc can be. The amount of time that must be required has to be massive to plot and scheme to achieve the maximum irritation and so often bullying. I don’t believe they care about the collateral damage to the kids, unfortunately I now believe they feel completely justified and even self-righteous about these choices as opposed to feeling at least a twinge of guilt for placing the little pawns into the hurt locker.

  3. You received a very special Easter Blessing. You have your girls extra to share the word of God, Egg hunts and all the festivities. Although the bird house story has it’s tracks of tears, the good of the story , which I know you have already connected the dots, is that your children did something nice with their father. That makes the child see there is a side of Seth that isn’t all “bad”. As small as that glimmer of good in him may be, your girls will become a better woman for having a relationship of some level with their biological father who occasionally did a fun kid thing. I also continually face this this situation and feel strong to my conviction.

  4. I would arm teh girls with a camera and let them take pictures to show the lady hummmm would be funny,see dads house

  5. No…I work really hard to keep them out of the middle by not quizzing them or putting them in the middle of situations like this. 🙂

  6. You are right. It’s mixed though- they had fun with the bird house but my oldest daughter sees through him- she said, “Mom, he was acting SO nice to us because “John Jones” was there- he let Piper play with his IPOD and was acting really happy. We NEVER do crafts.”

  7. That is right up there with my husband going from a white trash apartment to the cream of the cro right before trial along with introducing “Family game night” and “chore list” which never in his life did he participate in. ALL show but the funny thing is, people aren’t that dumb and they can see through it.

  8. I think that they are so accustomed to manipulating that they think they can sell everyone on their schemes. Wrong.

  9. When the GAL came to visit my ex, he had the kids baking brownies. It must have worked because the GAL has refused to investigate substantiated allegations of child abuse and clear indicators of endangerment.

    My son came home from dad’s house with a bite mark on his neck, you could see a whole row of teeth. I took photos. Then took my son to the doctor. Then called the police. The abuser told the police my son has autism–a lie–and my son deserved to be treated this way because of his behaviors. My son is diagnosed with anxiety and had a PTSD diagnosis due to abuse. The anti family court gave sole custody to the abuser and my kids are still being harmed!

    Don’t underestimate these abusers..I am starting to believe they have accomplices who are just as sick as they are, working in family court.