My church has become a safe haven for me over the past four years. Last year, on February 19th, 2012, Seth created a huge scene by showing up to the church and the morning ended with him yelling at me and the girls in the parking lot and then lying about it in court. Traumatizing. In court, it became his church and then he denied his outburst which left the girls in tears. Our court paperwork now says that Seth cannot attend my church.
I wasn’t raised in the church and only began going four years ago as my marriage was ending. My pastor is a young, down-to-Earth, surfer guy who makes me laugh and touches my heart every week. Aside from the spiritual aspect, he makes me want to be a better person. We’ve recently been in a series which hit home for me over the past six weeks but yesterday’s service was one that provided me hope as I enter this latest round of the custody evaluation. The message was “Running long and finishing well” and it described three hurdles to the various races of life being depleted, disillusionment and distraction. A couple of the main points centered on concentrating on your purpose and finding your focus to finish strong.
Sometimes I feel like the person crawling to the finish line. I have worked so hard and the evaluation is right in front of me yet I feel so depleted by the bumps in the road that I am crawling. I need to concentrate and focus on finishing strong for my daughters. I can do it!!! I can! I can! 🙂
On another note, one of the things that I often struggle with is how my blog and my book —this part of my life, matches up with the direction of my church. To be honest, I didn’t know if they would support what I am doing. I was recently asked by one of the pastors if I would be interested in leading a divorce group at the church. Me? Lead a church group? The thought terrified me and I declined. Then, a few weeks ago I took a class at church on finding my purpose– we took personality tests, skills tests, etc and I was amazed to see that what I am already doing aligned with a portion of the worksheets: lead and encourage others going through divorce. The class was exactly what I needed. The insecurity about how the church would feel about my mission evaporated.
If those things didn’t tell me that my church would support my cause, I was smacked in the forehead yesterday with the reality that they are already supporting what I am doing– and I had no idea. I met a woman in church this week that I’d never spoken to before. She was sitting behind me on Sunday and introduced herself as someone who understands my struggles and just bought my new book— it turns out that she also divorced a narcissist. She went onto say that she suggested my book to the church counselor who had already read it and is going to buy copies to loan out to people that she counsels! My first thought– Oh great! I used the “F word!” in my book 🙂 Gotta keep my humor!
Click the link to purchase Tina’s new book, “Divorcing a Narcissist- One Mom’s Battle.” You will find insight, red flag reflections and strategies on how to survive (and thrive!) while divorcing of co-parenting with a narcissist. Tired of panicking at the site of a new email from the narcissist in your inbox? Learn how to decode the emails and see them for what they are. You will learn to forgive yourself and you will begin to heal.