The Upcoming Custody Evaluation and Reliving the 2010 Evaluation

The Upcoming Custody Evaluation and Reliving the 2010 Evaluation

Our last custody evaluation was done in 2010 and I feel like I am about to relive the insanity of it all.  Back then, there were no patterns established and I honestly was in the dark about why our divorce was so crazy.  I heard well-meaning people tell me that men can go a bit crazy during divorce and while I wanted to believe them, I knew there was something more to it.

The child custody evaluation was like being in a bad dream.  X refused to cooperate and begin the paperwork as ordered because he was in the process of staging a home for the evaluation.  Staging a home isn’t just done in real estate.  It is also done in custody evaluations. X missed the deadline to comply by a few months and only when we were about to go back in front of the Commissioner did he contact Family Court Services.  By that time, the home was staged and he was ready to show them what a great father he was.

He actually wrote the following in a declaration to the court:

I apologize to the court for the delay in beginning the evaluation. Until recently, a stable home was not available for the minor children and it is assumed that this is essential for the custody evaluation.

In 2010, I remember listening to the evaluator tell me how cute x’s little cottage was.  She went onto say that he kept pictures of me in the home to show the girls that they are free to love both parents equally.  At that point, I knew she had drank the kool-aid.  If I told her how I really felt then I appeared to be the bitter wife.  I remember telling her that I slept with a hammer because I was afraid of him and she gave me a look that told me she didn’t get it.  Fast forward to January 2012 and this is the same man who kept a photo of me on his fireplace mantel covered in blue tape. Was that to show the girls that they are free to love both parents equally also?

Ironically, Seth filed a change of address for on July 6, 2010 — just 12 days after the evaluation ended and vacated his staged home.  Seth has not had a home in our county since the 2010 custody evaluation….until now.  I have given both the declaration and the change of address forms from 2010 to the evaluator and once in hand, they are impossible to deny.

Patterns have now been established and there is no denying the reality.  I am now watching as x stages yet another home for the evaluation with the help of his family.  The girls told me that they spent time at his storage unit over the weekend and x brought all of the old furniture into the house along with their toys.  After the staged home in 2010, his landlord, months later admitted that Seth staged the last home for the evaluation.  He also said that he was an “incredibly unstable psychopath” and that he was sorry I had to deal with such an unstable person.

I am hoping and praying that this evaluator sees the very clear patterns that have been established.

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12 Responses

  1. Wow, the manipulation does run deep doesn’t it? I often question myself during my custody battle with my ex who is also a sociopath, do they know what they are doing?

    With you ex going to the trouble of “staging a house” to make a fake appearance of a loving family, this tells me sociopaths do know what they are doing. To me that is nothing but pure evil. I pray for you your evaluation shows the truth and your sweet girls will have their voice heard.

  2. It does run deep. It is equally frightening that his family will go to such great lengths to assist him.

  3. Dear Tina’s X,

    We all know you read this blog– so read this… If you have the mental presence of mind to “stage” a house to make it look like a loving, family environment- then just provide a loving, caring environment for real. Instead of FAKING and STAGING, use your energy to provide that environment in reality. If you want to do what is mentally and emotionally BEST for your two girls, STOP HARRASSING them and their mother. You are causing SEVERE mental damage to your daughters that may take YEARS to overcome through years and years of counseling.

    GROW UP and become an ADULT.

  4. Tina,

    There was a long period before and during our custody evaluation when everyone at the court thought my ex was perfect and I was insane. My ex cleaned up his pet-feces-laden and junk filled home, put down new flooring (it looked nice), bought new furniture (also very nice), a shiny new fridge, and got rid of the old appliances and toilets on his front porch. It looked like a model home.

    A couple of weeks after the custody eval I was there to pick up my son, and the house was back to “normal”.

    It’s all so sick that his mother and new wife participated in the charade.


  5. Its one of those things I’m actually terrified of—

    I am by no means Betty Crocker, and I am still working on cleaning all of the Exs sh*t out of my apartment.

    It frightens me to think how much work is involved in getting this place up to my standards, and then considering how much overtime I’ve been working in the last 6 months, and then considering how much energy I’ve been pouring into my daughter & myself and our mental and emotional health.

    The Ex opened conversations with a parenting mediator. I’m not sure yet, but its starting to sound like she’s already starting to see through the BS, and I we haven’t even sat down to meet yet.

    She did assure me *no judge* will ever throw me in jail for refusing to give him more time than what is in our court documents. She was also not pleased to hear he announced he would bring our daughter back from her out of state trip ‘whenever he dang well wanted to’.

    I have all of these threats in writing, so I am hopeful that the court will help me to enforce our original agreement, which he threatens me if I try to stick to….

  6. My ex gave the GAL a fabricated letter from a psychologist whom I had never met diagnosing me with depression THEN told this same GAL that I was an excellent mother. Narcissists are truly nuts!

    Fingers crossed, the evaluator will see though your ex. The incident with him taping your picture (among other things!) is very disturbing and should speak volumes to the evaluator. They’d better see the situation for what it is – there’s certainly enough evidence. Best of luck to you!!!

  7. I have been reading and not replyibg much. Been busy with my own stuff. My ex decided to keep our daughter three weeks ago and not return her and not allow me to pick her up. She has missed three weeks of school, I will have missed 3 weeks of work by the time all is said and done. And i have no guarantee that she will even come home. The judge hates me, my ex has done an excellent job of keeping me afraid with the threats he makes and the motions he has filed to paint his scenario to the judge. I have not talked to her in almost three weeks because he is keeping her away from me. Please please everyone pray for us now and especially on Tuesday. I want my munchkin to come home.

  8. Oh Jennifer. I am so sorry. I will keep you in my prayers and send positive thoughts your way on Tuesday 🙁

  9. Thank you Tina. I am so scared that his ploy to paint me as an interfering mom will have worked. He is extremely controlling and when he loses control that is when he threatens me. He tried pulling a knife on me October * eighth. Threatened me two weeks later, that if i came back to his house he would treat me like a trespasser and he does have guns and he knows how to use them. Lake county Florida will do nothing to him. I am scared for both of us.

  10. I just want to say how much I understand this. Thank you for continuing to blog. The courts? It is a battle