Divorcing a Narcissist: Withdrawal of Attorney of Record

Divorcing a Narcissist: Withdrawal of Attorney of Record

I almost didn’t stop by my PO Box on the way home today.  I wasn’t expecting anything important but found myself with an extra few minutes.  In a stack of mail was a letter from the X’s attorney.  I threw it on my front seat and continued on my way.  I was sure it was just a copy of the declaration from my X Father-In-Law which I had already read in court.

I was waiting to pick up my daughter from school and reached over to grab the envelope.  I saw the words, “Notice of Withdrawal of Attorney of Record“.  Oh my gosh!!!  His attorney quit.  I am not sure of the details but I suspect that it was one of a few reasons:

1. The “craziness” of our case was too much for him to bear.  He probably had no idea what he was walking into.

2. My X bounced checks and failed to pay.

3. My X refused to listen to orders and the attorney was having a difficult time controlling him.

In true Narcissistic fashion, I am sure he will blame me.  It will be my fault because I called his attorney’s office one too many times.  My fault because I finally began receiving child support (thank God!) and he couldn’t afford it anymore.

I could not have received better news on a Friday night.  We are both in pro se and I am feeling even more confident then before.  My paperwork is solid and the Commissioner has finally seen through him.

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13 Responses

  1. When it rains it pours, and in this case it’s raining good news! Couldn’t be happier for you! When you receive good news, I feel hopeful for all of us who are still stuck in the courts with our narcissists having the upper hand.

  2. Congrats!

    I was trying to file all the paperwork pro se for 4 months when my husband finally flipped (in front of our 6 year old daughter’s therapist) and threatened to punch me in the face, and announced that he could also afford to retain an attorney.

    I left the therapist office and retained an attorney that day. Approximately six weeks later, I have yet to hear that he has retained an attorney.

    I am really looking forward to when we go to court. And yet I’m not looking forward to that evening after the court bursts his perfect little bubble that says all his choices are somehow my fault.

    Between the broken bones, the death threats, the lies, the manipulations– well, i have some fairly convincing reasons to be concerned for my safety when reality slaps him upside the head.

  3. Be smart and protect yourself if necessary. I am seriously considering obtaining a concealed weapons permit. Every court date that comes around, I am pulled to do it. At this point, I feel that it may be time. I see him unraveling more and more.

  4. Amazing coincidence I too received a notice of my husbands lawyer stating he quit. Reasons were that my husband didn’t pay him. That he doesn’t respond to the lawyers requests and that he is too difficult to work with. Unfortunately the court took the case off the record. Hopefully soon it will be back on.

  5. The same thing happened with my ex. His attorney quit too. And in another case in fact one day he showed up in court with a new attorney got an extension and never hired him.

  6. My situation was different I’m sure, as his lawyer was his friend also. He was not a family law lawyer either. At the end though, his lawyer was tired of his bs and was kind of helping me out and making sure that what the judge had requested was put back into the divorce/custody papers (the counseling he was supposed to have, anger management, and AA meetings which some how had been taken out)! In fact since he lived in the same area I lived he offered to give me a ride to the courthouse which would of taken me quite a while taking buses and a train! He did ask me not to tell x that he gave me the rides though, so it was our secret. In a way he did quit on him saying that he could not believe how abusive he was toward me, you know how they are charming with everyone else, that he would not help him anymore.

  7. That is so tragically funny Tina,

    My ex-husband’s attorney also filed a petition to withdraw from representing him 3 months before our case ended, last spring, as we litigated for a total of 19 months, so after about 16 months or so. The judge would not allow his counsel to withdraw, as he did not want us to remain in his courtroom another year or two as we had a trial date coming up and it would take a lot of time to get another attorney up to speed with a compulsive liar. Yes, even his own counsel, my ex’s/the Psychosissy’s/Narcissopath’s (my own names for him) counsel, did not like being married to him either (I have this petition framed in my office, it brings me some joy), of course, after he used his counsel to abuse me, time, after time, after time. The truth always becomes clear in the end, sadly, it often comes too late, for me it came too late, as the Psychopath has my girls 20% of the time for visitation, thank g-d the girls reside with me and I have them 80% of the time, as I am the Residential Custodian Parent, which he tried to alter/counter, as the injury to his fragile ego when I filed for divorce was more injury than he could take. He countered me with sole custody, and lost, then tried to get 50/50 and lost, then tried to get 60/40 and lost, and then unbeknownst to me AT THE TIME when we signed the Joint Parenting Order, he had failed the “L” scale of the MMPI, and came up high in the Cluster B Personality Disorders, red flagging in Narcissistic and the Histrionic Personality disorders. My test results were great! Had I been privy to these results, all his visits with our girls would be monitored, and I would once be able to sleep while he had them in his care, or rather, lack thereof, for his every other weekend visitations, plus, one night during the week for dinner.

    Once they show a pattern of what and who they are, people get it, our judge got it, his counsel got it, the custody evaluator got it, the therapists, clergy, children’s Ad Litem and all the Doctor’s on our case all got it, as he could not “fake good” enough, he could not sustain all his lies and manipulations over the course of 19 months, as he started to show his true colors 6 months into our case, and when all my subpoenaed information arrived, his credit card statements, his travel business logs, his cell and text messages, etc. He was caught in lie after lie after lie. Meanwhile he appeared more stable than I in the beginning as while he sat at court making lude and horrendous accusations of me, he said it like a salesman, with believable composure, as I sat there and cried and cried, as I was speechless, had just undergone surgery as I was on some pain medication as my friends picked me up and brought me there, as we were in court the day following of my first hand surgery and I had a caste on my right arm. He appeared so boy next door, so composed, so put upon, so victimized. Meanwhile, I was out of my mind with panic, as I could not believe his allegations, had not known of his “paramour” for over 2 years during our marriage, and still he wanted me to suffer, me his current “bad object”.

    He was exposed, and yet he still has the ability to walk with his head up. He feels shame, but somehow not enough, he continues to play victim, which is the only thing he is really good at, and continues to try and fool people, as he uses his victimization time after time. He feels he can con people and some he can, change them, coerce them, manipulate them, as he plays victim to me, to his children, to his counsel, to the justice system, etc., time, after time, after time, with no remorse, he has no shame or not enough, he somehow dismisses it, it goes into some drawer.

    I cannot understand it, we will be back in court yet again at the end of this month, as he is now suggesting that he is making a quarter of what he had made the last 10 or so years, we were married about 15 years. Now suddenly, shockingly, he is making a quarter of his income…let’s see, could it be because he now must pay child support and alimony, 35% of his income to me? Even though his checks are garnished they never managed to get to me on time, without me hiring counsel yet again, post decree, as we are only divorced 9 or so months now, and have another 10 or so years of this to go until my youngest is 18 and he will then be done with us.

    What is different here Tina, is that unlike yours, as I’ve read a lot from your blog, and I’ve never read a blog before starting my own two weeks ago, and I wish I had found it before 2 weeks ago when I started mine, is that your ex seems to enjoy, wants to harm you, while harming your kids in the process. My ex is different, thus the Psychopath component. My ex only sees me as “bad object” a hurtle, something he must evade, something he must deal with, something he can blame for his own mistakes. My narcissistic spouse has a component which does not beg him to cause me ill will, I’m just “Bad Object” and in his way. He causes me ill will because he is not human, well, not completely human. He sees the world as only for his taking. He uses and abuses everyone and everything for his own agenda as he has no remorse, no empathy, no conscience no ability to love, or even like. He has “good objects” which he uses and abuses, until they cannot take it anymore, then he too has “bad objects” who know him, who know his game, he is unlike narcissists, as my father is one, love him dearly, but he is, as unlike my father he has not the ability to love, hate, feel pain, guilt, remorse, as he lacks everything human, everything wonderful, as he is an empty vessel, one whom cannot be hurt, one which cannot feel pain or shame or empathy, one which will also never feel love, the way it should feel, they way in which makes the world a wonderful place to be. If not for disliking him as much as I do, I would feel sorry for such a creature/carcass/monster, as one can only feel love, if one has the ability to do so, and sadly he has not the ability to feel anything but what, and how much he can take from this or that person. A horrible existence in my opinion, just horrible.