“Hi Tina, this is “J”, (x’s roommate) in (said town). He’s been missing for 2 weeks and I can’t get a hold of him- do you know where he is? I wouldn’t know if he’s in a hospital or in jail. Anyway- listen to my voicemail and if you could give me a ring that would be great. Also, I’ll try to find you on Facebook. I think I saw a like button for one of your efforts (diva, multiple sclerosis story or one mom’s battle-yikes!!!) anyways, his check to me bounced so I’m not trying to help him- just trying to contact him”.
That text message opened up multiple conversations between us and he willing disclosed information about the x’s lifestyle. He had only heard one side of the story- the x had a crazy ex-wife who wrote a blog about him and was only after money. It turns out that the x moved in with stories about $10,000 commission checks and then began bouncing his personal checks. I learned about his drinking habits and which bars that he frequented in their neighborhood. My x even owed him money for wiping out the expensive liquor in the house– that didn’t even belong to him. He told me about one occasion where he asked the x for the rent for the second or third time only to have him explode– and call him (the landlord) a “little bitch“. In a very short period of living together, he saw his temper first-hand.
It also turns out the “J” is an attorney who is well-versed with the law. He asked me to write him a declaration for court about my child support arrears so that he could ask the court to formally evict the x. He wanted to show that he was $35,000 in debt and unable to pay the rent which was due. I was willing to do that- a simple statement of facts about the past due amount. Nothing more, nothing less. As he stated, its the same information that he could pull from public records. He also offered to help me with my case by providing a declaration.
Because I generally believe the best in people, I took his word for it. I spent several hours writing a declaration, finding a notary, having it notarized and faxed to his attention. He was incredibly persistent in obtaining this declaration and then fell off the face of the earth once he had it in hand- not responding to my emails or my text messages. I spoke to him on the phone today about the declaration and his promise as I understood it. He backtracked. He offered to discuss the bounced checks however, he would not discuss the alcoholism or the temper that he witnessed.
It is so frustrating to know that there are people out there with credible information about my x yet they “don’t want to get involved“. As a person with a heart and a conscious, I can’t image withholding information that could help to protect a child. I will never understand it. He claims to be “afraid of him“. How does he think my daughters feel if a man who is a 30-something year old attorney is afraid of him?
Thank you for letting me vent- I am incredibly frustrated this week with people who refuse to do the right thing. I think the thing that bothers me the most are the people who are willing to run their mouths and gossip yet they don’t do the ethical thing with the knowledge that they have. Especially from an attorney who is supposed to adhere to a code of ethics. As always, I am open to other points of views and opinions so feel free to “let me have it” if I am out of line. What are your thoughts?
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