Tackling His Alcohol Problems

Tackling His Alcohol Problems

The one positive thing about my X having an attorney is that he is “muzzled” a bit.  The crazy has subsided for the most part as I am sure he is under strict orders to maintain a facade of normalcy.

In court, my X admitted that he has a problem with alcohol and he is facing those issues head-on by attending the required classes.  By admitting that he is aware of the problem and is working to fix it, he scored a few brownie points with the Commissioner.

Was I the only one in the courtroom that latched onto the key word, “Required”.  The classes are required if you have a DUI or Wet & Reckless.  In 2010, it was noted that he took 15 Alcoholics Anonymous classes due to a “Drunk in Public” charge.  If he was charged with a DUI in 2011, it doesn’t seem like he learned anything from those classes.  Feel free to call me skeptical….

As I type, I am sitting in a coffee shop and a mutual acquaintance wandered over to “gossip” that he saw my X in a local bar a week ago.  This isn’t just any bar- this is the local tavern that wreaks of urine and Jack Daniels.  This is the tavern that the real pros frequent.  There were several “X sightings” over the past week and all involved bars.  I am glad to see that he is taking the bull by the horns and owning this alcohol issue.  Can you tell I am a bit annoyed by the performance in court?

My other vent for the week: the phone calls.  The court order states that he can call at 6:30pm every other day.  There are some occasions (usually near a court date) that he is very regular and other times when we will go a week without hearing from him.  On Sunday afternoon, the girls were watching a movie and I was enjoying a somewhat relaxing afternoon.  My phone rang at 3:30pm and it was my X.  I ignored the call.  Monday afternoon, my phone rang again at 3:30pm.  I ignored it.  It rang again at 3:35pm.  I ignored it.  He called again at 4pm and thinking that this surely must be an emergency, I answered the call.

Me: Hello?

X: I am calling to talk to my daughters.

Me: This is not your call time.  Your call time is 6:30pm.  (They were in gymnastics at the time).


Me: It is 4pm- I have no idea what you are talking about?

X: (silence)….Oh….um….okay.  My alarm is set on East Coast time.  I will call back later.



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4 Responses

  1. I met my ex while he was in treatment. he convinced me that he didnèt have a problem but he agreed just to stop the fighing with his exwife. My ex would steal the AA attendence slips and forge the signatures and submit them to court. He was very good at playing sincere and was able to fool the professionals while secretly doing cocaine and getting drunk after going to his counselling sessions. I finally left him and I exposed his addictions. He has tried everything to discredit me. luckily our social worker was on to him and recommended observed UAs and hair follicle tests. he worked very hard at trying to convince me and others that he was working hard at sobriety, when he wasnt. The amount of energy he spends keeping his secrets is ming-boggling.

  2. Alcohol and drugs make people with personality disorders more dangerous in some ways but sobriety will never cure them of what drives their cruelty and selfishness.

    I am all too familiar with the “wonderful me! I have triumphed over my addictions! look at all the recovery meetings I have attended!” game. A clean and dry narcissist or sociopath (if they’re even telling the truth which is quite unlikely) is more likely to keep a car from crashing which is a good thing, but the down side is they are more in control of themselves and in some ways capable of creating even more harm.

    I wish the courts really understood this. They set up goals like “x sessions of counseling” or “participation in a 12 step group” as if these things might turn the person normal … but therapy for a narcissist or sociopath really just trains them in how to hurt people even more. They learn more about how the normal mind works, more about the vulnerabilities of their family and what hurts them, and to top it off they have an audience watching them lying and their partner squirming with frustration, disbelief, and despair. For a sadist, that’s a pretty irresistible treat.

  3. Exactly. The other thing that my X is known for is saying, “I have plans to enroll in Parenting Classes” or “I have enrolled in Parenting Classes”. The court looooves that. Key words are important here also– he has never ‘completed’ a Parenting Class.

    He recently submitted paperwork for an entire slew of classes that he enrolled in. One of them was something like, “Raising a Spirited Child, Age 0-2years”. Fabulous given that our daughters are 5 and 7. 😉

  4. I’m sorry but I couldn’t help but laugh at the end of the post…what a dumb ass. You can’t help but feel some satisfaction when they realize they were wrong, however fleeting a moment it may be. No doubt the scenerio was re-worked quickly in his head so his brain could handle it. At the same time I could totally pick up the tone of his yelling and accusations. They really are cut from the same cloth…makes me ill.