Divorcing a Narcissist: Peter Cook and Suzanne Shaw

Divorcing a Narcissist: Peter Cook and Suzanne Shaw

peterby Tina Swithin

I remember how “special” that a Narcissist can make you feel.  I remember feeling like the most beautiful girl in the world during our courtship and by the end of our marriage, I could barely look at myself in the mirror.  He pointed out my every flaw –sometimes in a very passive aggressive way and sometimes in a direct and down-right mean way.

In the beginning, you feel so special and will do anything for these men.  Case in point: Suzanne Shaw.  Ms. Shaw sent me two messages this week through my blog defending Peter Cook with every ounce of her being.  Suzanne Shaw went so far as to say that Peter Cook was NOT a Narcissist and that he only has narcissistic tenancies.  Yes, she actually said that.  Maybe Suzanne missed the Today Show interview where Peter Cook actually admits that being a Narcissist makes him a better dad. In her message to me, Suzanne said, “You are so blind” and then went onto say that she, “feels sorry for me”.

The court-appointed psychiatrist, Dr. Stephen Herman, said in the court proceeding, that Peter Cook is an “insatiable narcissist”.  Dr. Herman recommended that Brinkley get full custody of the kids because Cook is a narcissist who has demonstrated “poor judgment.”  He then went on to cite Cook’s 35 sexual partners, a two-hour-a-day internet porn habit and his “impulsive, self-destructive, possibly compulsive” affair with a teenager.

Marriage material?  Hmm….

The other thing that never ceases to amaze me is the way that all Narcissists seem to come from the same mold.  There are slight variations almost like you would find with a batch of cookies but basically, there are common threads that I find with every woman that I speak to.  Over the past six months, I can’t count the number of times someone has said, “I feel like I just read my life story when I found your blog“. It’s the same cycle each time. They just insert a new woman and press “repeat”.  For now, Suzanne is feeding Peter’s narcissistic supply by believing that he is the victim and that she is protecting his image at every turn.  She feels special because he is making her feel that way.  She believes his stories and has bought into each one of them.

I harbor no hard feelings towards Suzanne.  God knows I have been in her shoes and defended my X at any mention of his wrongdoing.  As I’ve said before, I am thankful that Suzanne has many resources available to her when she needs them.  It is a matter of time before the tides will turn and she will understand Narcissistic Personality Disorder at a very intimate level. When that time comes, Suzanne, I can be reached at tina@onemomsbattle.com.

###

“Like” One Mom’s Battle on Facebook or “follow” on Twitter.

Seeking a Private Forum for advice, inspiration and support? Join Tina and the Lemonade Warriors in The Lemonade Club!  For information, please email Tina@onemomsbattle.com

Seeking a Divorce Coach for your high-conflict divorce and custody battle? Contact Tina Swithin at Tina Swithin, LLC

Seeking insight, encouragement and advice while divorcing a narcissist? Tina Swithin’s books, Divorcing a Narcissist: One Mom’s Battle” and her new book “Divorcing a Narcissist: Advice from the Battlefield” are available on Amazon or through Barnes & Noble. Learn how to set boundaries, navigate your way through the divorce and see the narcissist for who he/she really is. You will learn to forgive yourself and you will begin to heal.

9 Responses

  1. Eventually, an NPD or BPD’s spouse either figures it out, or they wind up in a bodybag.

    The shame and rage and inferiority at the heart of these complex disorders is slowly and subtly attached to the spouse. When the NPD/BPD wants to strike out at whomever in their past they are currently using as an excuse for their behavior, they project that fury onto their spouse.

    I actually found myself making excuses after he broke my ribs during a *BACKRUB*. Do you have any idea how much repressed anger a person has to have before they break ribs with a backrub?!

    And by that point I was so broken down even that wasn’t a sign to get out fast.

  2. She has no idea what she has signed up for. When she needs us, we will be here for her.

  3. I hope Suzanne reads these comments and does realize the door will be open when she needs you and your readers. I feel bad for her, she has no idea what she is in for. She is already so far in she is losing herself.

    A message for Suzanne: continue to read Tina’s blog and keep an open mind. At some point you will see yourself here and that is the point you need to summon the streangth to leave if you don’t realize it sooner. You are letting him fool you. When you finally see through the fog, we will gladly welcome you in to our circle and hope you can help educate future victims. Good luck to you, I hope you make it out. I believe they get more dangerous with each person who exposes them. You may feel safe, but it is all an illusion.

  4. Agreed. I didn’t take her comments personally (at all) because I have written very similar letters. We’ve all been there.

  5. Exactly. I believe that she also has a daughter- I remember reading that she was a single mom. That puts a whole new spin on it because you really, really want to believe in this fairytale life that he is selling.

  6. Poor thing. She has no idea what future pain is in store for her. But, unlike us – Suzanne has a place to run to when needed. Suzanne, we will be here for you when you need us.

  7. My NPD ex-husband sent me 4 emails over the past 2 days. Two of them were sent to my work email at 12:40 am and 1:40 am – addressing items (in his round about passive-agressive way) that I tried to address with him months ago. And reading his version of course, it is ALL wrong. I’ll respond to him when I get to it and as non-commital as can be. I come in to work today to find two more asking the same things that he emailed me 2 days prior and a statue from NJ law regarding Child restraints! I guess I was a bad girl and didn’t respond fast enough. I am so scared. Can you tell? UGH!
    I write all of this to say – that because of this forum, I am so unaffected. Its actually hilarious that he keeps giving me more material to add to my file! I completely understand where this is coming from and the patterns of abuse that he is STILL trying to use on me even post-divorce. When I respond, it won’t be in the same emotional way that it would have been last yr 🙂 And I will address in the email that he needs to start getting some therapy.

  8. Suzanne Shaw knows the truth(he has confessed it?), reads all about it, and, regardless, somehow thinks she is immuned? She is not unwittingly and ignorantly standing up for someone because she thinks it is right-she knows it is not. There is something in it for her that has more value to her than the truth. And she has a daughter? The most motivating factor for me was and still is that I do not want my daughters exposed to someone like my Narcissistic ex, not on purpose anyway. The second I knew his issue was Narcissitic Personality Disorder and the danger/risks that poses for our children, I did what I could within my power to remove them from harms way. Knowing that there is a potential for any harm to be posed from anyone in any capacity to my children, real or imagined, there is no reason. It wouldn’t happen, if I as their mother have anything to say about. I only do what I have to now because of a flawed system and a badly informed judge is forcing me to. She knows!-I don’t know what to say. If Suzanne Shaw reads this-take your daughter(or son and anyone else) and RUN, far, far, very far away from Mr. Cook and his problems! and never look back. God speed.