A note from Tina: Every week I feature stories from other women who are in this battle. One Mom’s Battle has many faces. Part of my healing has come from connecting with these other women and sharing stories, giggles and tears. I have found a tremendous support system through this blog and it has helped me to realize that I am not alone. I call them the “Warrior Moms” and while I know there are also many men affected by Narcissists and Psychopaths, the vast majority of my interaction is with other brave women.
One Mom’s Battle Has Many Faces–from all over the world.
Here is Face #9: Becca Anderson
My battle may be against a slightly different enemy, but it is fought on the same front. The similarities and parallels between my X and The Narcissist are clear… the gradual power shift in the relationship, the manipulation, the feeling in your gut that you ignore that something is off and a man who tries to convince you that you are slowly going crazy.
Four years ago I thought I met the man of my dreams. He was tall dark, handsome, hardworking and treated me like a princess. Every moment not spent at work was spent with each other. A year and a half later we were married and I was pregnant with a “honeymoon baby”. Life couldn’t be sweeter! As my pregnancy progressed I started getting that “off” feeling. He seemed less interested in me intimately, he was working longer hours and since our work hours didn’t line up my gut told me that he may be seeing someone. I asked him about it gently because I had no proof. This caused a blow up of course. He said I was hormonal, crazy and stupid. “Why did he put up with me when I was so insecure? Didn’t I know that women lacking confidence like me were not attractive? No wonder he didn’t want to sleep with me!”
Then a few months later the police showed up at my door to inform me my X had been arrested. He had tried to meet up with a 15 year old girl for sex! I was shocked into silence. The detective on the case sat down with me and explained that my X had also confessed to downloading child pornography. I felt numb. I had thought he might be cheating on me, but none of this ever crossed my mind. I changed my locks the next day, got a therapist for myself and planned on raising my unborn daughter on my own.
My X was sentenced to 8 years in Federal Prison. Through a series of phones calls between the two of us before his sentence was to begin he promised to grant me a divorce and not ask for anything except a few personal items I could return to his mother. He promised not to pursue visitation (i.e. my daughter visiting him in prison.) Our divorce should be a minimum cost of having the paperwork draw up and filing with the court… BUT as we know these types only make promises in order to break them. I spent thousands of dollars blocking him from getting visitation in prison and even though he was told he would not win, he had the right to ask and ask again and again. Every single time he made a request I had to pay money to block him.
This man has been ordered by the federal courts to have no contact with any minor child, with the exception of his biological children. My daughter is the ONLY child in the world not promised safety from this evil man. As of now all of his requests have been denied, as they should be, but why is this man able to ask for access to an innocent child that does not even know him? Why do I have to strain all of my resources to battle him in court? My ultimate goal is that more state governments and family courts offer the option of severing the parental rights of convicted child predators.
Unfortunately what is common sense to many is an uphill battle against our system.
– Becca Anderson
To follow Becca’s blog, click here
Please submit your story (less than 900 words) to Tina@thePRdiva.com- I welcome all stories from Narcissistic survivors.
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