Every week I feature stories from other women who are in this battle. One Mom’s Battle has many faces. Part of my healing has come from connecting with these other women and sharing stories, giggles and tears. I have found a tremendous support system through this blog and it has helped me to realize that I am not alone. I call them the “Warrior Moms” and while I know there are also many men affected by Narcissists and Psychopaths, the vast majority of my interaction is with other brave women. One Mom’s Battle Has Many Faces –from all over the world.
Here is Face #7- Not a Mom but She is a Warrior
Tina- I don’t know how I landed on your blog yesterday but somehow I did, and I’ve read almost every section (I think). It’s inspiring to see how open you are with sharing your story, I know it is not an easy one to share. I just wanted to thank you for sharing yourself and helping other women feel (including me) that we are not alone in leaving a narcissistic relationship.
I’m 30 years old and have had my fair share of dealing with narcissism. My mother was my first narcissistic relationship. It’s very hard for me to have a close, nurturing relationship with her as she is still unaware of her behavior, and it’s not fun to constantly be criticized, belittled and so on.
I never really realized how much my mom impacted my life until my relationship with a narcissistic male ended. For two years, he constantly squashed my desires, my happiness, my dreams and my goals. I busted my ass through college and was resilient with every loss that has came my way, only for him to continue finding ways to bash everything. His happiness came from making me miserable.
My first day at a new job, he broke up with me and disappeared for two weeks. On the very day I started another job, my dog suspiciously ingested Lysol and died -he blamed this on me. I didn’t answer my cell phone during the work day and he didn’t know what to do with a sick dog…somehow Google or calling the vet never occurred to him. Stealing money, lying, cheating, making up stories about his lies, and making up stories about my infidelities (lies).
I don’t know who I was (or who I became) in the two years I dated him. Why did I put up with this from him? He constantly asked for my hand in marriage, and my gut always said no. I knew something wasn’t right and that this relationship was not anywhere near my ideal image of an intimately loving relationship. I’m proud that I always said no. We were 25 years old- too young and too broke, just out of college and not ready. The last straw was when he came home late one night, and accused me of sleeping around with co-workers at a holiday party. He grabbed a glass of water and poured it all over me because my level of alertness and response didn’t measure up to his standards. As much as I wanted to become enraged and violent, I quietly got out of bed, changed clothes and dragged his body out of my bedroom.
I left the apartment a few days later with a friend’s help and have never looked back. Two months after I left, I heard he became engaged to his ex-girlfriend, and all I feel is utter sympathy for her and for what she will have to endure. It has been about 4 years since I have been in a relationship. I am continuing therapy and hoping to rebuild my trust in myself and in others so that I will be ready for the love and the life that I deserve. I am incredibly grateful that I noticed something was not right with him, and I’m grateful I listened to my gut to say “no” to marriage.
When I read your blog and the struggles you are going through with your daughters, I imagine that my life may have turned into that. Your plight is not easy, and I know how mentally/emotionally/monetarily frustrating it can be. There are so many women who go through this every day, and I hope they somehow land on your blog and learn they are not alone. You are strong, insightful and an amazing parent to your daughters. I hope they realize when they are older, how much you care and fight for the best for them.
Please submit your story (less than 900 words) to Tina@thePRdiva.com- I welcome all stories from Narcissistic survivors.
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