Every week I feature stories from other women who are in this battle. One Mom’s Battle has many faces. Part of my healing has come from connecting with these other women and sharing stories, giggles and tears. I have found a tremendous support system through this blog and it has helped me to realize that I am not alone. I call them the “Warrior Moms” and while I know there are also many men affected by Narcissists and Psychopaths, the vast majority of my interaction is with other brave women. One Mom’s Battle Has Many Faces –from all over the world.
Here is Face #6- from South Dakota
Hi Tina- I was so relieved when I found your blog back in January of this year. It was the first time I truly didn’t feel crazy about the way my X was acting. People at work thought I was blowing things out of proportion, they couldn’t believe I was telling the truth, they couldn’t imagine someone could be as unstable as he was. They assumed that we were the typical “high conflict divorce” when the reality was that I tried my very best to AVOID conflict with him! It was like a weight was lifted off of me when I realized I wasn’t alone. I took a lesson from you, and started my own blog to get a lot of the crap out of my head – to put it someplace where I wouldn’t have to carry it around with me anymore.
Thank you for continuing to work to protect your girls, to set an example for all the other women feeling trapped in their marriages, and to bring awareness to this problem. We appreciate your effort more than words can express. Thank you.
Here is my story…
In April 2010 I did the hardest thing I could imagine. I told my husband of 13 years that I wanted a divorce. He cried. He whined. He got angry. He told me I’d be miserable. That I had no idea how to be alone. He said that I would be begging him to come back. He started spreading lies to our family and friends and our children about my motives and character.
Luckily, the divorce moved quickly, I agreed to things I probably shouldn’t have, I didn’t have money for a lawyer – I just wanted to end this marriage. After only 2 court appearances, in July of 2010 I was officially divorced. In August of 2010, he moved to South Dakota from Maine to go to school to become a lawyer.
For the first year, his contact with the me and the kids was sporadic, it was angry and blaming me for everything. I tried to fix his mood. I tried to be nice. I tried to be reasonable and to keep him calm. It all fell on deaf ears. Soon I realized this was a game for him. He wanted to suck me into conversations. He wanted me to pay attention to him. He wanted to be able to continue to control me. Shortly before a school vacation, he showed up, out of the blue, and took the boys out of school. He texted me “I have the kids”. As far as I knew he was still in SD. I was terrified.
I went back to court to modify our order to make visitation more concrete. He participated in mediation via telephone. It was infuriating to listen to him con the mediator into feeling badly for him that he’s so far away from his kids, that his life in law school was so hard. She didn’t see the Facebook pictures of him drinking and partying with college kids. Life sure was rough for him. Because he is in school, and doesn’t work, I cannot get child support until that changes. He can, however, take out massive school loans to pay for his own personal needs and wants. He smokes, drinks, and has a personal trainer. He is currently backpacking around Europe.
I gave 13 years of my life to that relationship. I was always feeling like I needed to change or try harder or do better. I tried so hard. But, I was wrong. I wasn’t what needed changing.
Along my journey I have learned a lot. I believe my X has a mental disorder that makes him incapable of love, reason or grasping reality. His twisted world view is all he knows and to him, it is REAL. He is easier to deal with now that I know what NOT to expect. He can’t be neutral or rational. He believes that I tore apart our super happy family so I could be with a man I was having an affair with online, and I should have to be miserable and suffer for my wrong doings.
My kids are happy, so he doesn’t talk to them anymore.
I’m sad my kids don’t have a dad that they can rely on or look up to, but when we were married, they didn’t have that either. I work hard to be the best mom that I can be for them.
It’s almost been 2 full years and I have never been happier. I have met someone who has shown me that life isn’t to be squandered living with hate or bitterness. I’m in love. There IS a light on the other side.
Please submit your story (less than 900 words) to Tina@thePRdiva.com
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