From Tina: I recently decided to start featuring stories from other women who are in this battle. As I said before, One Mom’s Battle has many faces. Part of my healing has come from connecting with these other women and sharing stories, giggles and tears. I have found a tremendous support system through this blog and it has helped me to realize that I am not alone. I call them the “Warrior Moms” and while I know there are also many men affected by Narcissists and Psychopaths, the vast majority of my interaction is with other brave moms.
One Mom’s Battle Has Many Faces –from all over the world.
Here is Face #3- a fellow warrior mommy from Tucson, AZ
I cannot believe I found someone who has lived my life. I feel like I have suffered alone for so long.
I’m still crying from reading and rereading your blog. I was married for 20 years to narcissistic man and have been
divorced now for over 6 years. I have hidden the craziness of my marriage from people because when I did share I either got the stare of “yea right” or asked if it was so bad why did you stay 20 years. So I stopped sharing.
I thought I was being courageous the day I walked out, little did I know that the battle had just began.
I have two wonderful boys and I saw my oldest son becoming just like his father, and I needed to save him.
I assumed since my ex had little to do with parenting when we were married that he would have no interest
after the divorce. That was my first mistake, all of a sudden he was father of the year. He not only wanted them full time, he wanted me out of their lives. Three years and $80,000, I lost my oldest (14 at the time) to him 3 weeks a month and my youngest would be with me the last two weeks of every month.
During that battle, I had orders of protection against him which he violated weekly if not daily. It was not uncommon
to receive over 40 text messages a day or 5-10 page emails berating me on my behavior. He was even arrested
4 times for violating the order for hiding in the bushes at my apartment. That doesn’t even compare to him bad mouthing to everyone we ever knew in our 20 years of marriage, including my boys. Yes, the judge knew, but he stated that “My ex had only hurt me not the children.”
There were days I couldn’t get out of bed I was so paralyzed with fear of him and what would happen next.
But somewhere deep in me, I knew I wasn’t crazy, that I had to get up, take care of my kids, finish school, go to work,
and fight like hell. But I still felt defeated after the judge ruled in his favor for 50/50 custody.
My oldest son is now 20 and in the Navy but our relationship will never be the same. My youngest is 14 and really
starting to shine in life. I pray everyday that he feels the love I have for him when we are together and when we are apart. I know they will both carry the scars of this ordeal, we all do.
Things are still not good with my ex. He has had numerous girlfriends living with him (5) over the past years. He works out of town 3 – 4 days out of the week and needs to have free child care and housekeeping while he is gone. So my son has to go to his dad’s house which is 3 miles away and stay with a babysitter even though I’m home. Yes, the judge knew about these arrangements and still ruled that co parenting would be best. I’m still not able to talk to my son when he is at his dad’s, in fact his dad’s house was foreclosed on over a year ago, I don’t even know where he lives. He told my son “Don’t tell your mom where we moved. She is always stalking me.”
The whole time my son is gone, my stomach is in knots just thinking about what he is enduring. Now that his older brother is gone, who is protecting my baby? About 2 months ago, his dad locked him in a room with him and spent three hours telling him how terrible I am and that I ‘whored’ around on him through our whole marriage. When my son confronted me on this, I went into a tailspin.
After reading your blog I realized I can’t hide from this anymore. My ex has the issues, not me. I have to get my son some help to deal with this, it will not get better. Thank you for sharing, you are an angel.
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