One Mom’s Battle Has Many Faces: #13

One Mom’s Battle Has Many Faces: #13

A note from Tina: It’s hard to believe that I ever felt alone in this battle.  Each week I hear from more and more people who were once victims of a Narcissist, Sociopath or other Cluster B Personality Disorder.  One Mom’s Battle has many faces and its my honor to share them with you.  My healing comes from sharing my story and from hearing your stories.  There is power in numbers and our numbers are growing.  It is my hope that this little “village” will be one strong voice which provides education to our court system and most importantly, brings change to our Family Court System. 

This week’s story gives hope to those who may be struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Cheers to new, healthy beginnings with good men.  They are out there, I promise!  -Tina     

One Mom’s Battle Has Many Faces–from all over the world.

Here is Face #12

Tina,

I cannot begin to express how much you have helped me. It is amazing how alone I felt until I found your blog. My struggle began when I entered into my relationship with my ex back in 1996. He was at first very annoying, and my gut told me to stay away from him. Somehow, though, I began to think that his persistence was cute. His charm was no match for my desperate inner child looking to heal the wounds of childhood. I fell in love with a man who met my every need and made me feel like I was the only woman in the world. Then, he convinced me that getting pregnant was what we both wanted. As soon as it was confirmed I was pregnant, my world changed. He became distant and belittling. I actually realized back then that I didn’t want to marry him, but thought that it was the only way to give my daughter a world that was different than what I grew up in. So I stayed. The day I brought her home, he went golfing. I remember him telling me that he needed a break because of all the hard work he had done and it was a way to celebrate. I look back on those days and want to kick myself.

Somehow, I thought it would be a good idea to have another baby with him, twice. He was so desperate to have a boy and our first child was not. Neither was our second. When I got pregnant with our third child, (still trying to please him), I remember being so excited finding out it was a boy, that I thought everything was going to be perfect. Unfortunately, a leopard cannot change his spots. I was sick of the love/hate relationship he always had for me. I began to get stronger, fighting back on the seesaw life. We had been on welfare for the majority of the six years we had been together up until the point I had decided to leave him. Unfortunately, I found out I was pregnant for the fourth time. I cried that entire pregnancy. I remember working out a plan with him that we would take a break after our fourth child was born, going to stay with my mom for the summer. Somehow, he was able to pull it together and do everything I asked him over those three months. He convinced me that I owed it to him to give it one more try.

We had a good couple of months. I actually was excited that maybe my leaving was enough to scare him. I was wrong. After he began an affair with his secretary, and I found out, I was actually relieved. Granted, he did try to convince me to stay (and he wanted keep us both). I have never looked back. I have been so thankful for that moment of clarity, much like a stream of sunlight peaking in between the clouds in the middle of a horrible storm.

My divorce process started out with us being friends. It rapidly deteriorated when he started to drive our kids without having enough seats for each of them, meaning they couldn’t be buckled safely. He also told our son that he was his favorite because he could carry on his last name, in front of the two older girls. The GAL actually imposed supervised visits at that point to protect the kids, but she was not convinced that I was not influencing their statements. My ex’s attorney actually was convinced that my X was so wonderful- she told the guardian ad litem that I needed a psychological evaluation. The court actually agreed with the GAL, but insisted that we BOTH get evaluated. The day that report came back, he was given a list of disorders and his supervised visits were reinstated. It was the best money I have ever had to spend, or will ever spend. It is the one recommendation I would give to anyone struggling through an ex with mental health issues. Granted, he fought the decision, and has continuously,(and will until the youngest is 18) fought that ruling. He, however, cannot hold it together long enough to do what the courts recommend. He would have to agree with them and get help which he will never admit.

I am happy now, remarried to a wonderful man that treats the kids like his own, and has even mortgaged his house just to help me pay for the endless battles. I thank God everyday and pray that the courts continue to see my ex for who he is, and recognize all the others who are in a similar battle.

Thanks again Tina for all you are doing to help others out there realize there is hope and they are not alone. -Anonymous

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Please submit your story (less than 900 words) to Tina@thePRdiva.com- I welcome all stories from Narcissistic survivors.

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2 Responses

  1. It never ceases to amaze me how they can pull themselves together just long enough to persuade you to come back … and then it’s always right back to their old ways, and more.

  2. The next 18 years are going to suck, aren’t they? I’m constantly going to be in court. Every time I turn around he’s going to be petitioning for an appeal, or trying to get custody. He wouldn’t even sign the temporary orders *he* proposed. How do you get away from them? He fires his lawyers doing everything possible to get the custody/visitation the way HE wants it. IDK how long I can put up with this.