One Mom’s Battle Has Many Faces: #10

One Mom’s Battle Has Many Faces: #10

A note from Tina: It’s hard to believe that I ever felt alone in this battle.  Each week I hear from more and more people who were once victims of a Narcissist, Sociopath or other Cluster B Personality Disorder.  One Mom’s Battle has many faces and they aren’t only moms.  There are father’s fighting this battle and there are women who escaped the abusive relationships.  My healing comes from journaling my story and from connecting with all of you.  There is power in numbers and our numbers are growing.   

One Mom’s Battle Has Many Faces–from all over the world.

Here is Face #10- From the UK

Tina: I just wanted to thank you sharing your experiences with the world on your website.  I stumbled upon your site when I Googled “Divorcing a Narcissist“, per Christie Brinkley’s suggestion during her divorce.  I have finally put two and two together and figured out that my husband is a narcissist.  I was questioning my sanity and wondering what on earth was wrong with him, and now I know, so thank you.

My husband and I have been married for 23 years.  He was diagnosed with Stage 4 Lung Cancer almost 2 years ago and we moved to London (from West Africa) for his treatment.  He was doing well physically but had terrible emotional side effects.  He was at his wits end last summer and sent me and our daughter to the US for the summer so that he could have some peace and quiet.  Our son stayed behind with him.  When it was time for us to return, he filed for divorce and got a restraining order & a non-molestation order against me.

I was shocked and bewildered.  His application for divorce was riddled with lies and inconsistencies.  When I hired a lawyer and he found out that I was returning to the UK to attend an ex-parte hearing, he somehow managed to get temporary custody of my daughter and a restraining order preventing me from traveling out of the US with her.  Once again, I was shocked and full of disbelief.  I was able to have his court orders overturned and my daughter and I returned to the UK.  I went to court and had his restraining order and non-molestation order overturned.  He was ordered to provide me (us) with accommodations and a weekly maintenance, pending our divorce & financial order.  We literally haven’t spoken since last Aug.  Unfortunately, he only has a matter of months to live.

Our mutual friends have tried to counsel him, to no avail.  I’m the bad guy.  He told people that I abandoned him in his time of need.  He has turned our son against me and he wants nothing to do with me.  My husband isn’t thinking about what’s best for the children.  He’s only thinking about himself.  Now that I’m out of the home and marriage, I can see what an unhealthy marriage we actually had.  I thought we were happily married.  But we weren’t.  There was constant verbal abuse, negative comments and insults thrown my way.  I found many similarities between your story and my own.  I only just went to your website for the first time yesterday, but I plan on reading more of your posts.  I just wanted to tell you that you have inspired me.  Take care and God bless you and your family.  Kind regards, “J”

Follow-up note from “J”:  I wanted to let you know that my husband has since passed away and we’ve repatriated back to the US.  My son and I have reconciled, thank God.  My husband and I never did divorce, nor did we reconcile.  I was with him when he passed away.  Although he was in a coma, I made my peace with him.

After he passed away and I had to go through all of his personal effects (papers, pictures, computer files, text messages, emails, etc.), I found proof positive that my husband was definitely a narcissist!  I thought I knew almost everything about him, but I was shocked to find that there were things I didn’t know.  I find peace in knowing that he will have to answer to God for everything he has done.  God (& my unconditional love for my children) has been my strength throughout this entire ordeal.


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2 Responses

  1. I’m so glad she is able to start understanding what it is that happened to her life and in her relationship. That’s the first step. 🙂