Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Wondering What Comes Next

Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Wondering What Comes Next

The court order states that he can call every other day and it has always been sporadic.  Sometimes he doesn’t call for 4 or 5 days and then he will call two nights in a row.  There is no rhyme or reason to it. My X called on Wednesday night to talk to the girls and they were at counseling.  I answered the phone and could hear the angry tone in his voice obviously stemming from the earlier judgement.  Initially, I said, “This isn’t your night to call- you just called last night”.  He responded and said something about having a right to speak to his daughters.  I let him know that the girls were not home to which he mumbled something along the lines of, “You are a manipulative bitch” and hung up.

I sent an email to his attorney and the girls’ attorney as I needed to send the judgement from earlier that day.  I notified them of the phone call and asked his attorney to advise his client to cease this type of communication.  At 9pm that night, he responded by email  and this was the majority of his email:

Dear All,  What Ms. Swithin states is again lie.  I said she is the manipulative person.  I believe this is evidence to have (her significant other) under oath on the witness stand. I believe she must be punished by taking her custody away for lying under oath 12 times.  Why is this woman being allowed to continuously lie in court with no fact checks. Yet, I the father of my daughters has had not been allowed to see my daughters on holidays, birthdays and during summer.  This system is broken when a vindictive proven perjurer can file 41 pages on a Tuesday at 9:35 am, and have my daughters taken away from me the next morning, while I work 220 miles away.  The X

At that point, I responded to the attorney’s but did not include the X on the email:

Dear Attorneys- I do not care to engage with X’s ramblings so I have not included him on this email. I am thankful that  you are able to see the unstable person that I have been dealing with for many, many years.  I hope that these emails are noted/documented for the court as they will be on my end.   Tina

Projection?

Lying under oath?

Fact checks?

In my mind, I wanted to tell him to pour another drink and sleep it off.  I also wanted to advise him to have someone proof his writing before hitting send because for someone who claims to have an IQ off the charts, he doesn’t even make sense in 98% of what he writes.  That would go against my “no engaging rule” so I didn’t.

At this point, we are wondering what comes next and waiting to see if he is even going to set up the court-ordered supervised visits.  It’s difficult to say what will happen from here and we haven’t heard from him by phone since Wednesday.  I am looking forward to a few weeks of peace while I prepare for the June 20th court date.  Knowing that my daughters are safe is such a huge weight off my shoulders.

I do admit that I am a bit on edge again as I know he has escalated.  Last night at 9pm there was a knock on the door from a neighbor and it caused my heart to almost beat out of my chest.  I hate that his mere existence causes that type of a reaction in me.  The reality is that he is escalated, he perceives this turn of events as “loosing” and I do fear that he is dangerous.  After court dates where he has some type of “victory” (in his mind), I do sleep a bit easier knowing that my fear factor is decreased.  It is not a fun way to live– constant ups and downs…fear and relief.

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9 Responses

  1. Unfortunately, the downfall of being strong for our children and sticking to limits is that it gives our X’s the “ammo” they feel necessary to act out more. From my experience, it is usually a lot of hot air – but we should always be vigilant and careful to not get sucked in. You feeling uncertain and scared is exactly what he wants and needs to feel better.

    Continue keeping your faith in God as He is the only one that can order your steps!

    Keep up the good work!

  2. Tina, I think the reason he calls when he pleases is because he knows how upsetting it is to you (and the girls). It’s another way to control things in his mind. Can you see who it is before you answer? This is just a suggestion but, maybe from now on if it’s not his night, don’t answer? I know it’s scary when things escalate…I feel for you, that feeling when your neighbor knocked is something we all know too well.

  3. I agree with the above comments. I find myself becoming less vigilent as time goes by, I go about my life thinking my children and I are safe. The fact is, as long as he roams this earth, we are not safe. It sucks to be scared over an innocent knock, but it is better to remain in defense mode in this type of cirumstance. They strike when we are least expecting it. This is advice for anyone affected by a relationship with an unstable individual. Stay strong and at the ready. We are in the most danger when they feel they have lost are feeling defensive themselves. All my love and strength to you and your girls. Listen to your instincts…nothing compares to a mother’s instinct, Tina. NOTHING.

  4. I agree…nothing beats your motherly instinct. I also agree that as time goes by (2 years for me) once in a while I’ll let my guard down and text back…but he always reminds me why I shouldn’t w/his return texts.

  5. I can see who it is and I shouldn’t have answered. I am going to email him and suggest Mon, Wed and Fri as call dates. Much easier to navigate a set schedule. If he doesn’t call– so be it. He didn’t call again tonight– no word since Wednesday.

  6. Yes– turning over the fear to God because fear accomplishes nothing. 🙂

  7. It happens…don’t beat yourself up about it…AND you got an awesome email sent to your girls attorney proving what he truly is out of it!