Narcissism and Emotions

Narcissism and Emotions

I can be too sensitive-  I know this about myself.

Over the ten years that X and I were together, I slowly learned to muffle my emotions.  Emotions made my X extremely uncomfortable. My biological mother was bi-polar and that was my X’s favorite thing to use against me.  If I cried about something then he was “concerned” that I was going to ‘end up just like her’.  Over time, I became so good at stuffing my emotions deep inside that I refused to cry in his presence.  I did not want to give him any opportunities to throw my mother’s issue into my face.

I lost my Grandfather over the weekend and I opened the floodgates.  In the past, I would have held it in until I was in the safety of a running shower or alone in my car.  Even in the event of something so tragic, I would have contained myself.  I realize now how unhealthy and inhuman this is.  My counselor pulled out a coffee cup and a box of tissues to demonstrate what I was doing.  She began shoving tissues into a cup.  As the cup filled, the tissues began to overflow and were hanging out despite her best attempts to push them down.  It was a good analogy of what I was doing– the plan worked in the beginning but with time I would overflow.

When I got the news of my Grandfather’s passing, I cried uncontrollably and “My Rock” was there to comfort me.  I didn’t feel judged and I didn’t feel the need to hide my emotions in an attempt to protect someone else from feeling uncomfortable about something so human.  It was another reminder of how thankful I am to be in a healthy, loving environment where I can be myself– happy, sad, joyful or angry.  I am loved for who I am and I don’t need to pretend to be something different.  Despite the ups and downs of this roller coaster, I am thankful that my children will see what love is all about.

5 Responses

  1. Im so sorry to hear of your grandfather’s passing Tina… sending you lots of love xxxx

  2. Thanks for your blog. I noticed you recommend Sam Vankin’s book. While the book gives a lot of information, Dr. Vankin himself is a malignant narcissist and I am asking all those people who have been hurt by narcissists to avoid putting his name and book out there. He is only being self-serving and couldn’t care less about you or your pain. I have walked in your shoes and certainly understand. I have my own book out there which I think is more ‘real’ and compassionate.

  3. Thank you for your comment– I have removed the book until I can properly look into what you have stated here.

    Can you email me at Tina@thePRdiva.com with information about your book?

    Thank you– Tina