Note from Tina: One Mom’s Battle has many faces and its my honor to share them with you. My healing comes from sharing my story and from hearing your stories. There is power in numbers and our numbers are growing. It is my hope that this little “village” will be one strong voice which provides education to our court system and most importantly, brings change to our Family Court System. In gratitude, Tina
Hi Tina- I found your blog last week and downloaded your book over the weekend. I have two young daughters and am in the process of divorcing my narcissist husband. Reading your story and the stories of others has been so validating for me. Last night, I got an email from my daughter’s counselor that she had made an appointment to meet with my husband. I am, yet again, in the position of having to defend myself against my husband’s lies and manipulative behavior. I decided to do something constructive with my frustration so I wrote my story.
“It’s all about Craig” :
My (soon to be ex) husband is a manipulator and a liar who thrives on playing the “victim.” His hobbies/addictions include drinking, smoking (both cigarettes and marijuana), working out, gambling, playing online video games and last, but certainly not least, sex. Craig believes that his selfish pursuits are as vital to him as oxygen and he becomes extremely angry and violent when his ability to engage in them becomes threatened in any way.
Just as I have read in others’ stories, I was not attracted to Craig at first. I found him annoying and desperate. He was persistent and head-over-heels in love with me and I eventually decided that I was being shallow and gave him a chance. For the sake of my 2 beautiful girls, I am glad I did. Craig was more than charming in the beginning and I thought he was the kindest, funniest, most generous person I had ever met. Our relationship was on the fast track and I became pregnant with my first daughter only 6 months after we met. Craig was thrilled then promptly volunteered for a deployment to Iraq, telling me that this was mandatory.
I had a difficult pregnancy but had the support of my family and I continued as a full-time college student. Craig created online profiles for himself while deployed and flirted with everyone and anyone who would speak to him. He returned home on the day after our daughter’s birth and began spending as much time away from home as possible. I thought this was because of his readjustment post-deployment. I thought he needed some time to adapt to fatherhood. I thought he was immature.
There were many times when I believed his claims that I was the problem, not him. I thought he truly cared and wanted the family that he never had. I was sadly mistaken. The rollercoaster ride I embarked upon over the next 8 years included Craig walking out on our family three times, being discharged from the military for smoking marijuana before a scheduled physical and many fights which ended with him either leaving the house to drink/gamble/etc. or strangling me and screaming obscenities at me, sometimes in front of one or both of my children.
Over the years I have certainly questioned my sanity. Craig truly believes that he is a wonderful person and the unfortunate victim of others. When trying to explain my situation, I almost can’t even begin to describe the train wreck that was my marriage. How do you describe what it’s like to live with a man who puts himself before his children? Fortunately, I can tell you how the story ends. I left Craig on January 1, 2012 with my then newborn and 7-year-old daughters. I refuse to let my daughters grow up being exposed to a lying, manipulative, abusive husband and father on a daily basis. I know the hell that lies ahead and I have already experienced a great deal of it but my daughters will not become his victims. ###
Click the link to purchase Tina’s new book, “Divorcing a Narcissist- One Mom’s Battle.” You will find insight, red flag reflections and strategies on how to survive (and thrive!) while divorcing of co-parenting with a narcissist. Tired of panicking at the site of a new email from the narcissist in your inbox? Learn how to decode the emails and see them for what they are. You will learn to forgive yourself and you will begin to heal.