Divorcing a Narcissist and Playing Superwoman

Divorcing a Narcissist and Playing Superwoman

Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound?  Not quite but close.

What a day this has been.  I finalized my paperwork last night and it was slightly overwhelming to sort through the forms required for an ex parte hearing…sometimes I think that I should just go to law school and then I am reminded that I hate the paperwork process.  Then in dawned on me that I would have a paralegal and it sounded more appealing.

This morning I was in a rush—school drop offs and then straight to Kinkos to make the necessary copies for the court and the attorneys.  Everything had to be copied, filed and served by 10am this morning which was no small feat.  I felt like that little kid sliding into home plate as I made it in and out of the court house with three minutes to spare.  I needed those three minutes to breathe because breathing had taken a spot on the low end of the totem pole this morning.  Seriously.  Crazy. Morning.

I have come to know the process at the court house.  Some of the women at the intake counter are extremely sweet and helpful and others are just there to punch the time clock ‘in’ and ‘out’.  I always hold my breath—hoping and praying that I got the right number of copies and the correct forms.  As the main clerk flipped through my stack of papers examining everything carefully, she confirmed that everything was perfect.  I asked for my “gold star” and went on my merry way.

I drove 30 miles back home and received a call shortly after from the clerk who stated that my fee waiver was no longer valid.  It seems that it expired when our permanent support order was made.  I explained to her that I don’t receive regular support to which she stated, “Mr. X pays for his filings when he comes in”.  My response: “Mr. X can afford to pay for his filings because he rarely pays child support.”  I knew it was useless to argue so I asked her how much I owed for today and the grand total was $105.  She then explained that she could not take my ex parte to the courtroom until I paid $105.  I told her that I would drive the one-hour round trip to pay it by 3:30pm.

A half an hour later: Riiiiiiing (that’s the phone—trying to maintain my humor so bear with me).

Me: Hello….

Court Clerk: Ms. Swithin, I’ve been going back through your file and it seems that you actually owe $275 for prior filings.

Me: Okay—Can I pay half of that today and half next week.

Court Clerk: No.  Unfortunately we can’t add you to tomorrow’s calendar until you pay $275.  It needs to be paid by 3:30pm today.

Me: So, let me see if I hear you correctly.  I can’t fight to protect my children unless I give you $275.  Is that what you are saying.

Court Clerk: No—there are policies in place and we didn’t catch your fees until now.  I am unable to give your file to the judge until your fees are paid.

Me: I am just about to get on a conference call.  I will be there in less than two hours with checkbook in hand.


Knock-Knock….Ms. Swithin?  I am here from Child Protective Services to interview your daughters and discuss a swimming pool incident.


Ex Parte paperwork filed and served- check!

Interview with Child Protective Services complete- check!

Work and Conference Call- check!

Writing a check which will impact the next two weeks of my life- check!

Fighting for my daughters- MAJOR CHECK!

All in a day’s work…..

Tomorrow’s work: Ex Parte hearing to protect the girls.  Accepting prayers, pixie dust, positive thoughts.  Getting the Big Girl Panties and Tiara ready!

18 Responses

  1. You are an awesome mom and force to be reckoned with! I am sending hugs, prayers, pixie dust and some kick ass Husker strength all the way from Nebraska!! Rock that court room like you own it, chick!!!!!!!

  2. Nothing ever seems to be simple in Court … as well you know. Prayers, a hug and best to you.

  3. Good luck tomorrow…will be thinking about you and your girls. If CPS sides with you make sure the court talks to your worker…mine did while I was divorcing my ex and she was very much on my side. I say ‘If’ because I know how bogged down these people are…I know you won’t let her forget you and your girls though!


  4. Thanks, Sue. It was a good experience– I just don’t have a lot of confidence in this aspect of the system. She did ask great questions– I showed her photos of the pool (no fence, no safety precautions, etc). She seemed concerned also. She is coming back to interview my oldest daughter this week.

    I will let you know how it goes tomorrow!

  5. Good luck Tina!! I continue to be so inspired by your determination and fortitude. My prayers and thoughts are with you. I know it’s hard – but keep going. I wish Mary Richardson Kennedy had followed your blog.

  6. Thank you for keeping us posted even with all that’s going on in your fight. I can only speak for myself but reading your words, your process, your feelings is incredibly inspiring and plants tiny seeds of hope in seemingly hopeless situations. Prayer works, and I will continue to pray for you.

  7. I can sympathize with this. There is nothing more frustrating than having to pay all these court fees to protect a child from a person who can’t even bring themselves to pay any support.

    We don’t get the choice not to pay. We love our children too much to let them go without and way too much not to fight.

    Good luck Tina!

  8. Prayers do work– I believe that! Thank you— that is my hope (to plant seeds of hope) as I remember the desperation I felt three short years ago. I wish I would have known “what” and “who” I was dealing with back them. xxxx Tina

  9. It’s the fabulous “system” — I would pay any amount if I knew the system would do it’s job. It’s like pouring salt on a wound when you know that the odds of the system failing are high.

  10. Good luck Tina! That’s great you are able to get a court date so quickly – is that the norm there? Will you be asking for reinstatement of supervised visits based on the pool incident? My fear is the judge’s “solution” will be to simply order your husband not to take the girls swimming. To me it seems so simple what to do in cases like this – the judge could order supervised visits with the stipualtion that if the neglect parent succesfully complete evaluation, counseling, parenting classes, (and whatever other treatment is necessary) then regular visitation can be reinstated upon completion of those things. That way you “weed out” those who really dont care about the children enough to do whatever it takes to see them.
    Also, how has he gotten away with not paying child support? Is he still technically “unemployed” on paper? Or is it soething you’ve just not felt worthy of the ffort to pursue? Just curious, and thank you so much for sharing your battle. You have so many people rooting for you!

  11. Good for you Tina, you ROCK!!! I have similar health issues, I know what this work entails, sadly, I know it oh too well. Keep protecting, keep praying, keep going, keep up all your good/hard work! I fight the daily fight as well, it takes its toll on my broken body.

    However, it is my opinion, and certainly not his, that I “appear” happy and healthy, as I am happy, although, no longer healthy, as I am doing exactly what it is I am supposed to be doing, protecting my children, day, after day, after grueling day. I will do it always, with gusto, with everything I have left in me. Sunnabelle37, the not so decrepit “looking” ballerina

  12. Dear Tina
    I have stumbled across your blog. OMG ! This sounds like my future.
    I am just starting the divorce process from my narcissist!
    I have one daughter with him whom I love so much. I wished he could just be reasonable and fair (know now he can’t). He has never really cared about dd but now we are divorcing he sees fit to fight me about everything. Not because he feels he’s hard done by but mostly to upset me as much as he possibly can.
    He made a lot of threats to me last night. I find this process so lonely. I am in the UK, my parents are not. Mi have few friends. I have health problems too like you, and every day is a fight to get through and I will gladly do it for my dd, and I will always fight for her, but I do struggle even more now with this divorce process and I just don’t need more battles. I will follow your blog. You inspire me and give me hope.
    Thank you and hugs to everyone.

  13. Susan– First, HUGE (((HUGS))) to you. I wish I had a crystal ball to help you predict the future. All I can tell you is that you will get through it and there is light at the end of the tunnel. I think that eventually the courts see through them however, it takes time and more patience then I knew I had. You have to remain balanced and stable despite what he throws your way. I am cheering you on– you can do this XXXX Tina