I’ve had quite a few things going on recently. I am still awaiting word from the Commissioner on the contempt charges. Not sure why it is taking so long and anyone who knows me can attest to the fact that I am not a very patient person by nature. I am learning but it is a process. ***Edited to add: Contempt of Court scheduled for September 12, 2012!
Last week had a few ups and downs. I entered my blog into a contest to raise money for a non-profit organization that helps women in custody battles. Through that contest, I discovered the true meaning of “internet trolls” and my very own troll had a name: Susan P. This particular internet troll decided to attack something positive and turn it into pure “yuck” (technical term). After reading the ramblings of this troll, I agreed with someone on my forum: “Susan P. has a pony in this race“. I have since discovered (today) that “Susan P. is actually one of my follower’s x-husbands, James P., from Tucson, Arizona. I have been receiving multiple emails, comments and messages from this person since I featured his ex-wife’s story in my blog. I am publicly asking him to cease communication. If you feel that you are the victim of cyberstalking, I encourage you to contact Alexis Moore as she is leading the road to new laws and can help with identifying and ending cyberstalking.
“Susan P” did say one thing that I would like to address just in case anyone else is curious: she questioned how I obtain my information and accused me of stalking my X. I am not “emotionally trapped in bitterness and unable to let go of my X “, as she suggested. Quite the opposite. I have balance between my work, my daughters and my relationships. This battle does weigh on me as it does with anyone who is fighting for their children against a Narcissist. I have worked with a private detective and all other information literally lands in my lap. This Sunday was a great example. I received a text message that said, “Do you know your X is in town? I am at ABC Gym and he is here now“. That did not involve “browbeating or manipulation” which Susan P implied; the information simply landed in my lap. It also explains why he wasn’t at the visitation exchange on Sunday morning- he was at the gym. Priorities, right?
Over the summer, my X’s visitations have been relatively calm and uneventful as his mother is here visiting from Saudi Arabia. She is the “Queen” in the family and holds a great deal of power in the eyes of her four sons. She is in denial about the issues at hand and refuses to do what is right by her granddaughters. With that said, her presence has kept him in line for the most part aside from the bizarre emails.
Against my better judgement, I left the girls at the family house both days and my X was not present for either morning exchange. I heard that he was drinking heavily on Friday in the Bay Area so the hangover was probably to blame for the failure to show up on Saturday morning. When I say that I left them “against my better judgement”, I am not implying that his presence makes the situation safe. My court ordered visitation is with my X- not his family. I do not want to set a precedence that leaving the girls at the family house without him being there is acceptable.
My X had asked me in advance of the visitation weekend if he could keep the girls later on Sunday. I declined his request. Knowing that I had already said “no” by email, he asked my 7-year daughter to call me and ask permission to stay longer. She said, “Dad said we can’t have cake if we don’t stay later“. I reminded her that we had plans already and that I would call and discuss it with her dad. He didn’t answer his phone.
I went to his home (with cake in hand!) to pick up the girls at the scheduled time and noticed that my daughter had been crying. She walked up and wrapped her arms around me before climbing into my car. My oldest daughter said that something had happened that she wanted to talk about. Luckily, I have a voice recorder which I use to record his conversations with the children (court order) and I flipped it on to ensure I didn’t forget details about what she was about to say. As they left the party, my X began saying, “it’s your mom’s fault that we can’t have fun” and “it’s your mom’s fault that I only get to see you for a short amount of time“. She said he was saying mean things about me but I didn’t pressure her for specifics. She used ‘her voice’ as she is learning in counseling and told him, “Dad, you are saying things that I don’t need to hear“.
At that point, he continued ‘saying mean things’ so she began sending me a text message. I asked her what she wrote because I didn’t receive a message and she said, “I was trying to ask you to help us because he was saying mean things and wouldn’t stop“. At that point, she said that her dad reached into the backseat and grabbed the phone out of her hands while he was driving on the freeway. He then informed her that it was illegal to text while driving in a car and that his rules forbid texting on his visitation time. I can tell you something that should be illegal- a grown man who bullies small children.
I am gearing up (again) and will be addressing the issues head on. More to follow…