Divorcing a Narcissist: Father’s Day

Divorcing a Narcissist: Father’s Day

Obviously, Father’s Day is a day to celebrate dads.  A day devoted to these wonderful men who sacrifice so much for the ones that they love.  When you are celebrating the day with a Narcissist, it takes the day to a whole new level.  It is really all about them.

The X has made a big production with each phone call to the girls about how sad he is that he can’t see them.  The fact is, he can see them but he is choosing not to.  Yesterday he spent the day drinking at local wineries and then called the girls while intoxicated.  The first phone call at 6:30pm was bizarre and he was repeatedly telling my seven year old daughter that it was Father’s Day and how sad it was that he was right here in town and couldn’t see her.  He said, “I am here with Uncle Brian, Uncle Jason and Poppi and you should be with me today“.  I looked in her eyes and saw how uncomfortable she was so after a few times of hearing him repeat his sob story, I took the phone and walked into another room to ask him to stop.  He said, “BLAST OFF, TINA!” and began to yell at me.  I hung up the phone and sent him the following text message:

X- You are welcome to call back anytime this evening before 8pm if you can refrain from discussing adult/court related topics with the children.

He called back at 7:51pm and kept telling the girls that he loves them “up to the sky” and that he is sad (about being away from them on Father’s Day).  He then told my youngest daughter that he loves her and she said, “Ok”.  He responded by saying, “You have to say it –that you love daddy”. At that point, she said it back to him.   His voice was low and bizarre– he was extremely intoxicated.  It made my skin crawl.

He is such a disturbed person.  To hear him tell my daughter that she had to say, “I love you” to him was almost too much to bear. Love is earned.  To hear him say that they should be with him today — in a home with their drunk father, three disturbed men and a Thai bride.  Have another drink and give your keys to someone else.

This weekend, I made a decision to hire an attorney.  I have handled everything on my own thus far but there is so much on the line right now– I can’t risk making a single mistake in court on Wednesday.  I met with an attorney on Saturday over coffee and spent much of the weekend creating a timeline of events over the past three years.  When I force myself to sit down and create a timeline of all that has happened, it becomes overwhelming.  I am left marveling at how much my daughters have been through and how well they are doing.  For that, I am thankful.  For Wednesday, I am hopeful.

7 Responses

  1. Yet another sad phone conversation with your sweet daughter…how dare he tell her to tell him that! Another sad thing is he probably would of said that had he been sober! Your girls are so lucky to have you and a normal male role model in their lives! Good luck Wednesday! There’s a lot of people sending wishes, prayers and of course fairy dust your way!!

  2. Good luck on Wednesday. I totally understand the overwhelming feelings when reliving the past. Every time I go through my journals I feel sick all over again. However, it gives me strength and courage to know I left that sad time and I am never going back. All my best to you and your girls…such a sad situation for them to be dragged though at the hands of the man meant to protect them.

  3. Tina- I use the verses to help guide me and at least for the children, if they receive true love from us, then that speaks louder than anything the world throws at them;
    4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.8 Love never fails-I do not see that when my x says “I love you” to my daughters, or anyone. Continued prayer that they get it from those of us who know and give the right Love. God bless you today and on Wednesday, your motives are good, so don’t second guess yourself, just follow through and it will be OK.

  4. Tina,

    I am thinking of you and am hoping your lawyer will fight hard for you. I wish the law understood that some folks are not rational and thus should be penalized for using litigation as a weapon.

    Donna

  5. Thanks, Donna. I hope for the same thing. I will let you know what happens after Wednesday– Tina

  6. I think all of us who follow you are on pins and needles about Wednesdays court appearance . Your fight is what gives so many of us hope. My prayers for you, specifically for supervised visits on a permanent basis. That would allow for peace of mind for you and your daughters. That is priceless.

  7. Thank you– I pray for this system to change so that we can all have peace of mind.