Divorcing a Narcissist: Court Tomorrow Morning

Divorcing a Narcissist: Court Tomorrow Morning

Anyone who knows me can attest to the fact that things always seem to fall into place for me.  It’s been that way for as long as I can remember.  It’s not that I’ve led a privileged life- quite the opposite.  My childhood falls into the category of “things that no child should ever have to go through“. I’m a fighter, a survivor and I have a positive attitude.  I don’t believe in self-pity and I flat out refuse to be a victim.  I work very hard to find the lessons that are hidden inside of each experience.  Sometimes those lessons are as clear as day and other times they are hidden in really thick muck.

I have a difficult time giving up control.  I have been behind the wheel of this battle to protect my daughters since day one.  Placing my trust in someone else has been more difficult than I ever imagined.  On Saturday, I hired an attorney for limited scope representation.  In 2009, during my time at the local Women’s Shelter I had in-house legal assistance with my paperwork.  That same attorney is now in private practice and has agreed to come on board for tomorrow’s hearing.  I feel like I am so close to obtaining a permanent order for supervised visits- I need someone with the background and legal knowledge to take the wheel.

I have to have faith that everything is unfolding as it is supposed to– that there is a plan in place that I don’t understand right now.  I need to have confidence that those horrible and humbling days at the Women’s Shelter needed to happen to make me stronger.  Maybe the encounter with the attorney from the Women’s Shelter three years ago was meant to be– that this lady was placed in my path for a reason and tomorrow it will all become clear.

As I sit here preparing for yet another court date, I have a choice on how I think of the past three years of my life.  I can sit back and question why this has all happening or I can choose to view it in a different light.  I can take everything I’ve been through and use it to help others.  When I think back on my life, my greatest accomplishments and feelings of satisfaction have come from helping other people.  I am starting to believe that this is my life calling—to take these experiences in the Family Court System and help others who are walking in my former (and current) shoes.   I need to reflect on the positive of the past three years– the colorful parts of my life.  Worrying about tomorrow isn’t going to change anything.  I know in my heart that I have done everything in my power– now I have to turn it over to my higher power.

Fear can keep us up all night long, but faith makes one fine pillow.  ~Philip Gulley

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16 Responses

  1. Tina, I like your attitude and your perception. It is important to reflect and see the lesson; learn from them. The courts are always evolving and this may be the beginning of a new era. It was great they started to recognize father’s right’s, but like most situations that try to right a wrong, they over compensated and missed the target. Best of luck as you start beating the path to “children’s right’s”. All of us on our side of the computer are rooting for you and your girls. You are a beacon of hope for many (no pressure…just sayin’ :)) Go get ’em!

  2. Tina, all my thoughts are with you tomorrow, may you see Justice served.. is a big day for me too, unsupervised access granted tomorrow and he is coming for the 7 year old at the school first, refusing to wait the half hour until her sister is finished. They are adement they are not going but they are so little Tina, and I am not allowed ( I have safety order and his violence towards me) at the school so I praying the school principle will realise he has a bigger duty to the childrens’ needs than to an ill informed court order. If they do not go, I will be up in court next week and I will possible be incarcerated or could loose custody. Almost 2 years supervised access and access removed a year ago and no because of one bad judge and PAS “expert” who saw the children for a2 half hours I am again in this situation. I have decided to go all the way and if I am put in prison because a I refuse to bow under a system that cares not a jot for the children or their primary carer and doesn’t not have the capacity to understand the vile attacks of an NP abuser then I will do it. So send me a srinkle of your pixie dust too…. GOOD LUCK TOMORROW XXX

  3. Lisa- you ALWAYS have my good thoughts and pixie dust. I am keeping your baby girls in my thoughts tomorrow– the letter from your daughter will remain in my mind forever. I am so sorry that they are in this position and I hope that their school principal will do the right thing. (((HUGS)))

  4. Thank you for your words, thoughts and faith in me. I hope that tomorrow is the day I’ve been waiting for.

  5. Tina,

    I am going to take this in a direction that people usually avoid. I know from following your blog you are a church goer.

    As you are sitting in court tomorrow, just keep reminding yourself that God is in control.

    The Lord loaned us these precious children for just a few short years, and the Bible could easily be called ‘the owner’s manual’. As impossible as it is to fathom, no matter how much we love our children, God loves them more. He has a plan that we cannot begin to see, and nothing is going to derail the outcome He has chosen.

    Its a bit like trying to put together the do-it-yourself bicycle on Christmas Eve after the children are in bed, without any instructions. Faith is just trusting that there will be a bicylce, rather than a box of parts, under the tree in the morning, and making the effort even when you can’t figure out which slot and tab you are supposed to be looking for.

    You’ve done everything you can. Now it is time to let go and let God. Deep breaths, maybe even one adult beverage and a foot rub tonight.

    Go in there tomorrow and let God have His way. You are not responsible for the outcome. God is responsible for the outcome. I hope these thoughts help a little bit with the anxiety and stress you must be experiencing tonight.


  6. Thanks, Heather. At church a few months ago, a couple of people from the prayer team prayed for my friend “L” and I. She told us to open the courtroom doors and grab God’s hand on the way in. I do this each time and it is an amazing feeling. XXXX Tina

  7. Tina, you’re an inspiration. I hope when you get some closure on this experience, you’ll write a book. You’ll help a lot of people. Wishing you all the best tomorrow.

  8. You are doing such a great job and I am sure that things will work out just the way that they should. Hang in there Tina – and know that we are all rooting for you and your girls!

  9. Tina! Best wishes, positive thoughts and prayers to you today!! I pray that God stands beside you and the attorney handling your case so that only the best will come through for you and your daughters!!!!!