Anyone who knows me can attest to the fact that things always seem to fall into place for me. It’s been that way for as long as I can remember. It’s not that I’ve led a privileged life- quite the opposite. My childhood falls into the category of “things that no child should ever have to go through“. I’m a fighter, a survivor and I have a positive attitude. I don’t believe in self-pity and I flat out refuse to be a victim. I work very hard to find the lessons that are hidden inside of each experience. Sometimes those lessons are as clear as day and other times they are hidden in really thick muck.
I have a difficult time giving up control. I have been behind the wheel of this battle to protect my daughters since day one. Placing my trust in someone else has been more difficult than I ever imagined. On Saturday, I hired an attorney for limited scope representation. In 2009, during my time at the local Women’s Shelter I had in-house legal assistance with my paperwork. That same attorney is now in private practice and has agreed to come on board for tomorrow’s hearing. I feel like I am so close to obtaining a permanent order for supervised visits- I need someone with the background and legal knowledge to take the wheel.
I have to have faith that everything is unfolding as it is supposed to– that there is a plan in place that I don’t understand right now. I need to have confidence that those horrible and humbling days at the Women’s Shelter needed to happen to make me stronger. Maybe the encounter with the attorney from the Women’s Shelter three years ago was meant to be– that this lady was placed in my path for a reason and tomorrow it will all become clear.
As I sit here preparing for yet another court date, I have a choice on how I think of the past three years of my life. I can sit back and question why this has all happening or I can choose to view it in a different light. I can take everything I’ve been through and use it to help others. When I think back on my life, my greatest accomplishments and feelings of satisfaction have come from helping other people. I am starting to believe that this is my life calling—to take these experiences in the Family Court System and help others who are walking in my former (and current) shoes. I need to reflect on the positive of the past three years– the colorful parts of my life. Worrying about tomorrow isn’t going to change anything. I know in my heart that I have done everything in my power– now I have to turn it over to my higher power.
Fear can keep us up all night long, but faith makes one fine pillow. ~Philip Gulley
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