Divorcing a Narcissist: Being Grateful, Feeling Overwhelmed and Finding Peace

Divorcing a Narcissist: Being Grateful, Feeling Overwhelmed and Finding Peace

As we all know, there are incredible highs that come with the small victories and equally incredible lows that seem to be part of the territory when divorcing a narcissist, sociopath or any other Cluster B personality disorder.  Over the past two years, I have made contact with a total of four individuals who reached out to me in an effort to help me protect my daughters.  These are my small victories– people who come forward because they want to help me to protect my little girls.  These are people whom I’ve never met but we share one common bond: we have all been victimized by my X.

Being Grateful: Sometimes I have a difficult time expressing my deep gratitude for the angels in my life.  This past week was a great example.  I have been trying to serve my X with contempt paperwork.  The papers need to be served in person and there is a strict time frame.  He is evasive and uses multiple addresses.  Through this “inner circle” of people (angels), I was not only able to determine where my X now resides (in a new luxury condo) but I found out the exact hotel and room number where my X was spending the week in Southern California.  In just a few short hours, I was able to hire a process server in that area who staked out his hotel room and caught him on his way to his conference/work training.  Contempt papers served- check!

Feeling Overwhelmed: I have a handful of close friends who are fighting for their children.  I know these women and I know their children- I take their plights seriously and I worry about them.  I wish I could do more.  My heart cheers with each victory and breaks with each set back.  I have become close with many of you who follow my blog and I know your stories intimately.  I pray for you and your children and I cheer you on from afar.  I find myself worrying at 3am about people who I’ve never met but I find myself deeply touched by your stories and battles.

Finding Peace: I get overwhelmed at times because I want to do so much yet I feel so limited by our system.  It reminds me of that dream when you find yourself stuck in quicksand but you are desperately trying to run.  The court system can be like quicksand and I feel stuck the majority of the time.  I am coming back feeling renewed and refreshed after an extended weekend of peace, fun and family time.  I was able to escape for four days with my siblings, their spouses and all of our children.  It was the first time in a very long time when I unplugged and was present in the moment.  It was heaven.

This weekend was a reminder that despite all of the stressful demands that we face while divorcing a narcissist, it is imperative that we make time to find peace each day…even if that is quite time in the shower when we can calm our minds and recount the positive aspects of life.  One of my favorite quotes is, “There is always something to be thankful for- always!”.

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3 Responses

  1. Thanks Tina, that is a wonderful reminder, there is always something to be grateful for. Congratulations on your victory, it is nice when things can move ahead. I am in that quicksand right now,but truly believe that things can only go wrong for so long before they start to go right. Every little victory is cherished! Welcome back and hang onto that feeling as long as possible!

  2. I am so glad you were able to unplug and recharge and check off another small victory! I find myself struggling with unplugging or being in the moment. Today I had a sweet and gentle reminder visiting with a loved friend from my past and it was a wonderful moment of serenity and peace. We all need them, especially with how all encompassing the N’s are. I’m so glad you are recharged and while I am an internet ‘stranger’ I pray daily for you and your daughters and feel as if the women and men who are divorcing N’s are a family of people who understand what our life really entails unlike anyone else.

  3. Welcome back. I am so glad to hear you and your daughters were able to relish in peace and safety surrounded by loved ones. No matter how brief, those moments in time are always quite nice. With a NX, it can be difficult to have those times often enough. How does he get away with living it up and not paying for his children to be taken care of? HOW?! Tina, you can not help more than you do by simply continuing to fight your fight and sharing your story(successes and failures) and the stories of other strong women such as yourself. It has been a Godsend to be able to connect in some ways with others in this forum, connect being the operative word. With a NX you feel so disconnected, confused, uncertain, isolated, even crazy sometimes. What you have to offer here by simply sharing your wisdom and the wisdom of those who offer it through this avenue offers the blessings of truth and reality that we can not seem to connect to in any other way but through you and what you have done and your knowledge and the experiences of people that come together under these circumstances. Even the rotten MR. SUSAN P and Aunt whats-her-name had something to offer(I know the blessings in there somewhere). Anyway, we learn, we grow, we move towards doing what works and what is right and best for us and our children. You sharing on how you do that and allowing others the opportunity to do the same-that is not only helpful, but is a wonderful blessing! Your burden lies within your own fight for yourself and your children and for doing what is right and good for them and I think that is all anyone should expect from you, that and for those closest to you maybe a good shoulder to cry on every once and a while. We always wish we could do more to help others in need, we just can’t do and be all things to everyone. There is a reason for that. The only thing I can suggest when you are overwhelmed by the burdens of others is to continue to share wisdom, know your limits, and just pray and God will take care of the rest. From what I hear, He is pretty powerful:)! Thanks again for sharing and giving us a safe place to connect with others and congratulations on serving the X.